Eric: Hey, Leo, thanks for letting us hang out here. I just- I didn't want to see Donna after what she wrote.
Hyde: Forman, no one cares.
Leo: That's true, man. Listen, you guys know I don't allow alcohol in my house, so you're just gonna have to drink sake instead.
Fez: "Sake" it to me, Leo.
Hyde: Don't start with the sake jokes, Fez.
Fez: Oh, put a "sake" in it. [laughs]

Eric: How cool am I? A tattoo of my girlfriend's name. How's that for dangerous?
Leo: Yeah, I think Debbie's really gonna like this.
Eric: Wait. Debbie? No. Donna.
Leo: Right. Okay. No problem. I can fix it.
Eric: Fix what?
Leo: Relax. Debbie will never notice it.
Eric: It's Donna.
Leo: See, now you moved, man! It's okay. I can make that into a flower.

Fez: Oh, you know what you should get? Boobs. Big boobs on your butt.
Hyde: That's classy.
Leo: Hey, I can turn the B's into boobs.
Eric: Wait. What B's?
Leo: Like in Debbie, your girlfriend?
Eric: It's Donna!
Leo: Oh, right. Oh, I can fix that.

Fez: My X-ray specs are here. According to the ad in the Richie Rich comic with these, you can see through a lady's clothes. Okay, Jackie, prepare to be ogled. [puts glasses on] Swindled again.

Jackie: "And Nancy Drew and Bess left the police station and went to celebrate the solving of the crime with hot fudge sundaes." The end.
Kelso: Wow. Nancy's so smart. Read another one.
Jackie: Fine. Okay, Nancy Drew and the Mysterious Charming Clock.
[later:]
Jackie: "And they celebrated the solving of the mystery of the clock with hot fudge sundaes." The end. Guess we solved the mystery of why Bess was so pudgy.
Kelso: This isn't going to work, Jackie.
Jackie: What isn't going to work?
Kelso: I can't sleep with you staring at me.

Eric: What you doing?
Donna: Oh, just writing in my journal.
Eric: Like in Star Trek? "Captain's log, stardate... 1978. God, I'm... so hot. My beautiful red hair and... giant jugs seem to... drive all life-forms wild."
Donna: Oh, my God, Eric. That's exactly what I was writing. I'm gonna go make some popcorn and get some sodas.
Eric: "My... beautifully sculpted hindquarters... flounce downstairs to... procure nourishment."
Donna: Shut up.
Eric: Okay.

Eric: Hey, glad you're back. I missed you so...
Donna: Did you read my journal?
Eric: What journal?
Donna: You know, my captain's log.
Eric: No. Oh! No. I was just, uh... I was, uh, going through your underwear drawer. Yeah. I know. That's why I look so guilty. Because I was, like, you know taking out your underwear and rubbing it against my skin. I can't stay away from your underwear. That's my curse. So, anyway, see you tomorrow.

Eric: You see, the thing about Donna is-
Hyde: Here we go. She acts like everything's all cool, okay? And then, all of a sudden, I'm no Steven Tyler.
Fez: Oh, Eric, give it up, for heaven's "sake." [laughs]
Leo: You're still the king, man.

Eric: Man, I thought we were past the phase where we had to impress each other.
Hyde: You are. Now you're in the she-dumps-you-for-a-biker-with-a-wicked-tattoo phase. The most entertaining of all phases.
Eric: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Hyde! That's it! A tattoo's dangerous! There's a place next to the liquor store. I could go get one right now.
Leo: [distorted voice] No way, man. We're not gonna let you go to some sleazy tattoo parlor and spend money for something you'll regret for the rest of your life. I'll tattoo you for free, man. I'm pretty sure I used to do this for a living.

Jackie: Hey, Michael. I'm really glad you're here. [yawns] Okay! Time to go to sleep!
Kelso: Oh, sleep? Whoa, I thought we were gonna do it.
Jackie: Michael, I invited you over for a sleepover, not a "do-it over". Okay? I told you. We're gonna wait until we're ready. So, uh, go to sleep.
Kelso: No, Jackie, I'm not tired. But, you know... I always get tired right after.
Jackie: Yeah, you don't have to tell me, Michael. Ooh, I know! We'll read out loud. Yeah, I'll be Nancy Drew, and you could be her pudgy friend Bess.
Kelso: Oh, damn it! I'm always Bess.