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‘Black Dog’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Black Dog

509. Black Dog

Aired December 10, 2002

Jackie is upset when Hyde fails to comfort her after she receives some troubling news. Kelso, still bitter about their relationship, accidentally shoots Hyde with a BB gun. Meanwhile, Fez realizes he has feelings for his boss, Nina.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: What's with the gun, Trigger?
Kelso: Oh, will you relax, Eric? It's not a gun. It's a BB gun. Yeah, I lost it when I was, like, 10, and I found it this morning buried in my backyard.
Donna: Why were you digging in your backyard?
Kelso: Uh, dinosaurs. Watch the news, Donna.


Quote from Fez

Eric: You guys, I can't believe that Mr. Burkhart might actually be going to prison.
Fez: Ah, the tragedy. My father was sent to prison and it led to a life of drugs and prostitution.
Donna: What?
Fez: Yes. Then his pimp killed him. But then the medical examiner found a tiny hair. And he solved the crime, and he sent the pimp bastard to the chair.
Eric: Fez, that was last night's episode of Quincy.
Fez: Oh, I didn't know you watched that show.

Quote from Fez

Kelso: Jackie blew right by me to get to Hyde.
Fez: Yes, I know. Because you told me 20 times. Oh, there's my boss, Nina. Queen of the D.M.V. She haunts my dreams.
Kelso: Wait. I thought Mr. Roper from Three's Company haunted your dreams.
Fez: Oh, he's there too. Bug-eyed bastard.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: You guys, how bad is it? Is Hyde gonna be a cyclops?
Eric: Kelso, what were you thinking? I mean, did you shoot him on purpose?
Kelso: No! The gun went off on accident!
Eric: Well, he kinda thinks you did.
Kelso: How could I? I mean, yeah, I was mad. But I didn't... I don't know. Maybe I did it accidentally on purpose.
Donna: You mean subconsciously?
Kelso: No, I was definitely awake the whole time.

Quote from Red

Jackie: Mr. Forman...
Red: Look, Jackie, I know that things seem grim, but your father's rich, right?
Jackie: Uh-huh.
Red: Well, then I'm sure that whatever trouble he's in he'll buy his way out and wriggle free.
Jackie: You're right. I mean, this is America. The rich are treated differently here.
Red: Yep. And I'm so glad I took some shrapnel to make that happen.
Jackie: Me too.

Quote from Fez

Fez: [enters] Guys, something horrible has happened. The little man in my pants has turned black. [Eric and Donna laugh] It's not funny! Black is the color of death! Oh, my little man is going to die before he gets to see the world. I'm so sorry. How could this happen? [holds hands in prayer] How? [holds hands up]

Quote from Eric

Red: Well, I'm glad. That guy makes Republicans look like a bunch of crooks and greedy businessmen.
Eric: Yeah, well, thank God for the honest ones like Richard Nixon, huh?
Kitty: Oh, no.
Red: What did you say?
Eric: I- I said that Nixon was framed, and Kennedy was a commie?
Red: That's right.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Oh! Watch the gun, Cool Hand Luke.
Kelso: Will you relax, Eric? God, guns don't just go off by accident.
Donna: Really? Well, what about Eric's fourth-grade hamster, Snowball?
Eric: Oh, no, Snowball wasn't shot. He went upstate to live with a nice farm family. You shot Snowball?
Kelso: Well, the gun went off by accident!

Quote from Fez

Fez: I am in pain.
Donna: Fez, we're really sorry about Nina. You know, rejection hurts.
Fez: No, Nina and I were kissing, and she made me stop and now I am in pain.
Donna: Ew.
Fez: I have to go do something.

Quote from Kitty

Donna: Mr. and Mrs. Forman, can you settle this for us? If someone you love is kinda depressed should you shower them with kindness or give them space?
Kitty: Well, now, that's a very good question. And it really takes a lot of living with someone to get it right.
Red: That's true.
Kitty: But you'll find the thing to do is...
Red: Give them space.
Kitty: ...shower them. What did you say?
Red: I said what you said.
Kitty: You're lying.
Red: Oh, come on, Kitty. When menopause makes you crazy... I could be with you all day and it wouldn't do any good. You need space.
Kitty: Oh. Menopause makes me crazy? I'm crazy? I'm crazy?! Well, if you want space, Red Forman, you got it! This crazy lady's out the crazy door! [exits]
Red: We were having a nice lunch.

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