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My Wife

‘My Wife’

Season 6, Episode 23 -  Aired May 16, 2004

Eric is surprised when Donna rents a mobile home so they can stay in Point Place after they're married. Donna begins to have second thoughts when she runs into Casey Kelso (Luke Wilson) on her bachelorette night.

Quote from Fez

Eric: You know, I can't stop thinking about what Donna's doing. The only reason she's still in Point Place is 'cause of me. If it weren't for me, she'd probably be on the other side of the world by now.
Fez: Hey, I grew up on that side of the world, and it's no picnic. Although when you eat every meal on the ground, I suppose, technically it is a picnic.


Quote from Kelso

Kelso: You know, I don't understand why chicks don't like guys to look at strippers. I mean, these women are artists. It's like Leonardo or Da Vinci.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: So, Donna, you and the gals getting together for a big shindig?
Donna: Well, Jackie might be planning... No, wait. She doesn't do things for other people.
Kitty: Well, let me plan your bachelorette party. Oh, we went absolutely bonkers at mine. [laughs] All my girlfriends came over for a sewing bee, and then my friend Gloria gave me my first sip of hard cider.
Donna: Boy, you girls are crazy.
Kitty: Well, back then, we had some morals, not like you girls today... Loose, throwing it around town like the paperboy.

Quote from Kelso

Fez: Sorry I'm late, guys. I spent all afternoon in front of the mirror. Then I realized it was time to get dressed.
Kelso: Fez, you don't have to look nice, all right? Strippers like everybody. They're raised that way on special farms out west.

Quote from Kelso

Jackie: Yeah, college sucks anyways. It's all smart people, and none of them are as pretty as me.
Kelso: Yeah, that's true. Half the people in this room ought to be in magazines. Only half, though, and the rest of you know who you are.

Quote from Eric

Donna: Eric, we both have jobs. We have a great place to live. We're gonna have the perfect life in Point Place.
Eric: Huh. That's funny. I've never heard the words "perfect life" and "Point Place" used in the same sentence... Oh, except when separated by the phrase, "As soon as I get the hell out of."

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Red, we're having a girl's night out. I need you to bag all the almonds and tie 'em with a bow.
Red: Why me?
Kitty: 'Cause I said so.
Red: But I don't want to.
Kitty: Well, you have to.
Red: Oh, you... you make me crazy.
Kitty: Oh, you... you make me crazy.
Red: Fine.
Kitty: Good. [to Donna] Since you're getting married, I'll teach you how to do that.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Forman, where's your beer hand?
Eric: Oh, I chewed off the tape in the men's room.
Kelso: Wait, that was you making those sounds? Hey, you know, forget what I said about there being a mummy in the bathroom.

Quote from Kitty

Jackie: Oh, well, now this looks like a good place for a bachelorette party.
Kitty: [laughs] Yeah, did you see that neon sign out front? It had a naked man with an arrow pointing this way.
Donna: Um, I don't think that was an arrow.

Quote from Red

Bob: And the rabbit runs around... ...and then back in the hole. Hey, Red, what do you think of my nut bag?
Red: [flatly] Ha ha, Bob. I'm done with this. This is not man's work. I mean, if Kitty wanted me to shoot the almonds at some communists, that I could do.
Bob: Oh, you're a big talker now that she's gone.
Red: I'm not afraid of her, and I'm not doing this, and I don't care if it means I have to sit through another one of her silent breakfasts.
Bob: What, she just sits there?
Red: I talk, she just ignores me. I had to buy a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's just so that someone would smile at me.
Bob: You can always call me, Red.
Red: Ah, I'd rather talk to syrup.

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