Hyde: So now Patty's seein' Fez, and I just don't get it. 'Cause she could've had me. I'm a real catch, man.
Leo: All right! I had twins, man! Oh, look. They're so beautiful!
Hyde: Congratulations. Thanks, man.
Leo: Hey, I don't wanna be competitive or anything, man, but, uh, I've got two kids, and you don't have any. You're just a lonely plumber, dude.
Hyde: It wouldn't be so bad, but it's Fez. I taught him everything he knows. It's all backwards, man.
Leo: I guess you just can't dwell on things, man.
Hyde: Yeah. Maybe I should just be happy for Fez. I mean, this is the first time in his whole life that he's ever had a girl, you know.
Leo: Now, you know, a while back, I picked up a card that, you know, and I had a car accident... And, uh, I was dwelling on that, man. I'm sorry, what were you talkin' about?
Hyde: Maybe I should get back to work.
Leo: If you get back to work, you're fired, man. Hey, I got twins again, man!

Donna: Jackie, did you ever think that maybe you hate Patty because you like Fez?
Jackie: Oh, you are in dangerous territory, Pinciotti.
Donna: No, I mean, it's true. You hate seeing Fez drool over someone other than you.
Jackie: You're crazy. I don't like Fez.
Donna: I think you do.
Jackie: Oh, shut up.
Donna: Jackie, you're blushing! [Jackie pinches Donna's arm] Ow!
Jackie: I'll admit that, uh... Fez would be okay for a quick fling if I was off on a vacation with my parents, like in Michigan or Cuba. Where no one would ever find out! Ever, ever, ever!

Leo: B-3.
Hyde: Hit. Damn! You sank my battleship!
Leo: You know, a well-maintained fleet is the backbone of any military structure, and with your floating arsenal depleted, your troops are likely to suffer some serious collateral damage.
Hyde: Huh.
Leo: Wow. Hey, you know what, man? I think I might have been in the navy.

Kitty: Well, now, see, I didn't know that you liked green peppers. When did that happen?
Eric: August 5, 1972. I mean... I mean, do you like green peppers?
Kitty: Why, yes I do. Very much. So how's Donna?
Eric: What? We haven't done anything yet. What?
Kitty: Relax. I am not here to grill you about your life, Eric. But, you know, young adults do have a responsibility.
Eric: Mom! Please.
Kitty: [giggles] Honey, you may not realize it right now, but I am actually doing you a giant favor by making you spend time with me.
Eric: Well, thank you.
Kitty: No, no, no. I mean it. Boys who reject their mothers grow up to have huge problems. You will hate yourself. And every relationship you have with a woman will just be a mess. So, if you don't spend time with me now, you may never have sex. [laughs] I'm teasing! A little.

Eric: [inner monologue] "I'm finally getting the feeling back in my jaw?" I don't get that. I mean, he was just in bed with her and... Oh! Okay. I see. Oh, God. I hope my mom doesn't get that.
Kitty: [inner monologue] Ooh. I wonder if Eric gets that. Well, I am not gonna explain it to him.
[Kitty and Eric awkwardly smile at each other]

Kitty: Well, boy, wasn't that fun, seeing all those sex scenes with your mother?
Eric: Oh, it was supersexy. I'm so glad we could enjoy that together. Really, I am.
Kitty: So, I guess women in New York don't wear bras.
Eric: Um, it's disgusting... And we should move there immediately.
Kitty: Well, I don't know about you, but I've seen enough nipples for one day.
Eric: Mom.
Kitty: What?
Eric: I don't ever want to hear you say, "Nipples," okay?
Kitty: Why not? Men have nipples. Your father has nipples.
Eric: No! He does not!
Kitty: Okay. So, what was your favorite part of the movie?
Eric: Eh, I don't want to tell you.
Kitty: Oh, come on.
Eric: Okay, um... Diane Keaton's nipples. [both laugh]

Kelso: Hey, didn't you go out with that girl?
Hyde: I don't think so.
Kelso: Yeah. That's the girl that dogged you on that blind date.
Hyde: Kelso, who cares? Hey, let's see what loser she ended up with.
Kelso: Yeah.
[Hyde opens the car door to find Fez inside]
Fez: Hello.
Kelso: Burn! Hey man, that's a burn.

Kitty: Eric, honey, I was thinking maybe tomorrow night we could go shopping, just the two of us.
Eric: Why?
Kitty: Well, because we need to get you some new shoes and some underwear.
Red: Kitty, we bought him shoes last year.
Eric: Yeah, and I can shop for my own underwear.
Kitty: Oh, no, you cannot. The last time you went, you bought them too snug, and I want grandchildren.

Eric: [inner monologue] Whoa! Diane Keaton is not wearing a bra. Okay, don't let your mom see you look. But I have to look. I'm lookin'. I'm lookin', and I don't care!

Kitty: [inner monologue] Oh, please. He expects her to make love while he's wearing those black socks?
Eric: [inner monologue] Note to self, throw away all black socks.