704. Beast of Burden
Aired September 29, 2004
Eric is upset when Red offers Hyde a job at his new muffler shop, "Forman & Son". Hyde's father, William Barnett (Tim Reid), invites his son to work at his record store company. Meanwhile, Fez gets a job at a hair salon.
Quote from Bob
Kitty: Well, don't feel insulted, Bob. Red wouldn't even give his own child a job. If you had a muffler shop, wouldn't you give Donna a job?
Bob: Sure, Donna knows her way around a car. But Eric thinks an exhaust belt is something that holds up your pants when you're tired. [chuckles]
Red: There's no such thing as an exhaust belt, Bob.
Bob: Well, then he thinks something else is something else.
Quote from Bob
Bob: So, Red, we got your muffler store flier, and I'm a little hurt. You know, you never asked for my input. I mean, I had a business of my own.
Red: Bob, your business went under.
Bob: Yeah, but very slowly.
Quote from Fez
Fez: That's it. It is my destiny to be a shampoo boy. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is there a job that pays you to eat pie?
Fez: It is my destiny to be a shampoo boy.
Quote from Eric
Kelso: Oh, Hyde, this is really getting to you. I mean, look at you, you're leaning forward, you got your sunglasses off, you're freaking out.
Jackie: Well, this is an emotional time for my Steven. His new daddy and his substitute daddy are in a tug-of-war for his heart.
Eric: Whoa, I thought we established that Hyde doesn't have a heart. It was, [points to Hyde] no heart, [points to Kelso] no brain, [points to himself] no courage.
Hyde: I'll just have to tell Red I can't take the job. I mean, he'll understand.
Kelso: Wait, I'm the scarecrow? He's the one who gets set on fire. Oh, yeah, that's me.
Quote from Hyde
Red: What the hell are you doing?
Red: It's your first day on the job and you're drinking? This is not summer camp, you know.
Hyde: There's drinking at summer camp?
Red: Look, if you're not responsible enough to handle yourself, then obviously I made a big mistake. I hope there's another job out there for you because you're fired.
Hyde: My dad told you he offered me a job, didn't he?
Red: What? No. What?
Hyde: 'Cause I've heard you fire a lot of people, and I've never heard you saying, "I hope there's another job out there for you." You say, "I hope my foot doesn't get stuck in your ass." Or, "Don't let my foot get stuck in your ass on the way out the door." Or the classic, "I'm gonna stick my foot in your ass."
Red: Listen, get out of here.
Hyde: Thanks, Red.
Quote from Jackie
Kelso: Hyde, why didn't you say anything?
Eric: Because he is torn between two daddies.
Jackie: Look, Steven, when you're in a moral quandary, do what I do. Okay? Put on some Donny Osmond, close your eyes and ask yourself one question. Who's richer?
Quote from Red
Kitty: You're such a softy.
Red: Are you lurking behind everything?
Kitty: Well, it's the only way I get to see your real emotions. So, I guess you have a job to offer Eric, after all.
Red: Yeah, well, I guess I could teach Eric something about cars. Maybe if I told him they were called space mobiles, he'd take to it.
Quote from Midge
Bob: You know, when you start a new business, you need a gimmick. When I opened my store, I rented a monkey. People drive 100 miles to see a monkey, 200 if he's wearing a suit.
Midge: And Bobby dressed up as Tarzan and I dressed up as Jane. Remember?
Bob: Do I? "Me Tarzan, you Jane".
Midge: That's just what I said.
Quote from Jackie
Donna: So, Eric, your dad's muffler shop opens tomorrow. That's like the perfect job for him. I mean, he's been muffling you for years.
Eric: Yes, he really hates noise. I think it's because it reminds him of fun.
Hyde: Hey, at least Red got a job he likes. I thought I was cool flipping burgers, then I met the night shift guy who's been doing it for 30 years. He's got no eyebrows, and he lives in his own car. I don't wanna be that guy.
Jackie: And you won't be if you follow the plan I gave you. Okay? We get a job as a local weather team. Then, go national as morning talk show hosts, and then, star in our own Ice Capades.
Hyde: Jackie, I've told you, I don't capade. I am quitting my job though.
Quote from Kelso
Fez: The Department of Motor Vehicles is not as glamorous as it sounds. You know what motor vehicles are? They're cars. Just cars.
Kelso: Fez, you know what you should do? You should be a cop, like me. You'd go undercover and catch foreigners.
Fez: Oh, so it's a crime to be foreign, huh?
Kelso: No, of course not. It's a crime to do the things that foreigners do.