Red: Wait a minute. Where's the other idiot?
Fez: Other idiot? Do we know another idiot?
Red: Where's Eric?
Hyde: Where's Eric? Where are you, man, and who wants to know? The U.S. government, that's who. Like, I read by 1984, the government will have tracking devices on all of us. And after that, they're gonna jam electrodes in our brains so they can read our memories. Damn U.S. government.
Red: "Damn U.S. government"? Without our government, you'd be stuck in Siberia now sucking the juice from a rotten commie potato. Let me tell you something. If the U.S. government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank you! And God bless America."

Eric: You know what? That's it. I'm going. I'll just show up in California and, like, blow her mind. Yeah. I mean when the Empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call 'em up?
Fez: Oh, God.
Hyde: Oh.
Eric: No. He hopped on the Millennium FaIcon and he paid a little visit to the Death Star.

Red: You want to go to California to get Donna?
Kitty: You can't go to California.
Eric: But I have to tell Donna I love her and that she should be back here with me.
Kitty: Oh. Well, that's sweet. I think it would sound especially good on the phone. But don't call till after 7:00 when the rates go down.
Eric: Well, I can't call her. I mean... did Luke Skywalker-
Red: Oh. Would you stop. Luke Skywalker this. Luke Skywalker that. I'm sick of hearing about that little fruit.
Eric: Luke Skywalker is not- He and Leia clearly- I- Mom, Dad. This is important.
Red: No. No California. You know what's important? School. You're gonna be a senior, and you need to buckle down.
Kitty: Luke Skywalker would've buckled down.

Jackie: Look, Steven. These last few weeks with you have been really dirty and really wrong.
Hyde: Jackie, talking is for people who have something in common. [they kiss]
Kitty: [enters] Oh, good God. You kids switch partners more than square dancers.
Hyde: Uh, no. It's not what you think. We're not together.
Kitty: Then what's going on in my kitchen?
Jackie: Um... Eric's in California.
Hyde: Jackie, you just totally burned Forman. That was so badass. [they kiss]

Eric: Well, you made me lose my concentration. [sniffs] Now I'm gonna have to go back there in about an hour.
Kitty: I just wanted to tell you Donna called. Her number's on the pad by the kitchen phone.
Eric: What? Why wouldn't you say something?
Kitty: And I'm staying out of this, but if you'd eat a little bran, you could've taken that call yourself.

Fez: Wait a minute. Do chickens go quack, or did I mess that up?

Fez: Eric, if you love her, you have to go.
Eric: You're right. I'm gonna do this. Damn it, I'm going. I gotta go pack. [exits]
Fez: Hey, let me help. I love putting together outfits. [exits]
Hyde: Finally.
Jackie: Yeah. I thought they'd never leave. [they kiss] You know, Steven, it was really nice of you to get that ticket for Eric.
Hyde: This usually works a whole lot better when you don't talk. [they kiss]

Eric: Step away from the vehicle.
Red: Isn't it a little early for you to be hopped up?
Eric: Empty your pockets, now.
Red: Get the hell out of my pants!
Eric: Got it. [runs inside]
Red: What the hell is wrong with him?
Fez: He has low self-esteem because you are too domineering.
Hyde: Red, you're gonna let Forman get away with that, man? He just felt you up. Where's the foot in the ass? Unless you're getting too old.
Red: Shut it. And go shave that thing. You look like a damn Hungarian.

Jackie: Look, Eric, just write her a letter. That's how I broke up with Michael. Yeah. I was able to take my time and come up with good synonyms for "cowardly, won't-marry-me loser run-away-to-California jackass."

Hyde: Forman, there's a flight to California in four hours, and you're on it. Before you get all gushy, we didn't pay for it. We stole the money from your secret stash... in the Scooby-Doo thermos.
Eric: You guys know about Scooby-Doo?
Fez: It was a good try, but you should have known that eventually I would need to take some cocoa on the go.