Fez: A toast to all my good friends. I will miss you when I blow out of this burg with the beautiful Big Rhonda. [scattered applause] Now it's off to "Missis-syphilis".

Fez: I know I just met her, Mr. Red but I love her. She is sturdy. I want to climb her.
Red: You're just desperate to give it away, aren't you, son?
Fez: ... Yes. Yes, I am.
Red: Look. [clears throat] There are two things that you need to learn about women.
Fez: Oh, finally, the sex talk! [chuckles]
Red: First, if a woman outweighs you by 30 pounds you're in for trouble.
Fez: But I'll put on weight. I'll bridge the gap.
Red: Which brings me to my second point. When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. [chuckles] But if you mix 'em, they can turn you into a dumbass.

Jackie: Michael.
Kelso: Jackie. I thought you were at the party.
Jackie: No, no, no. It was awful. Do you know what it's like to be the prettiest girl at a party and not have anyone acknowledge it?
Kelso: Yes, I do.

Kitty: So, it's settled. We'll have the party here.
Red: No, Kitty. I don't know what you're talking about, but, no.
Kitty: Yes. We're-We're having a little party for Steven, so he can meet his Miss Right.
Red: Why is it here? Why is it always here?
Kitty: Well, what do you want them to do, have the party in the street?
Red: Yes. They puke in the street, the city cleans it up.

Fez: Rhonda, I cannot go to Mississippi.
Rhonda: So, you're not coming?
Fez: I'm sorry. But maybe we can go to the movies sometime.
Rhonda: And make out in the theater? Yeah! Call me. [kisses Fez and leaves]
Donna: Good God. Sober up, man.
Fez: Oh, screw it, Donna. Fez likes them big. Fez likes them small. Fez likes them all.

Fez: Elke Sommer to block. Elke Sommer to block. [chime on TV] Oh, you stupid son of a bitch.
Eric: [sighs] Donna loved Hollywood Squares.

Fez: Now, we will each bring no less than two and no more than five girls to the party for Hyde, okay? I will console the rejects with a hot oil massage. I will be nude.
Donna: Well, I'm outta here. The radio station's giving away a van, and I gotta work. I will be clothed.

Kelso: Oh-ho, man! [giggles] Oh, I hope I win this van. I really need a place to do it with Jackie.

Kitty: Everybody, look who's here. A caring, intelligent, snazzy young man... Ste-e-even Hyde!
Hyde: Um, thanks. Hey, man. What's going on? I thought we were watching Saturday Night Live.
Fez: Yeah. Change of plans. We're having a party with girls, a keg and girls. For no reason whatsoever.
Hyde: Great.
Fez: And there's no agenda.
Hyde: All right.
Fez: Stop grilling me, you bastard!

Donna: Hey, Dad. I brought you some mints and your afro pick.
Bob: Oh, thank God, Donna. My hair was startin' to look silly.