Kitty: Okay, well, nobody's talking about the elephant in the room, so I'll do it. You're Black.
Eric: Mom! Okay, please, Mr. Barnett, we're very open-minded.
Kitty: Oh! Oh, no, he's right. I, myself, love that singer Art Garfunkel.
Hyde: Art Garfunkel's white.
Kitty: Really? Well, his name's got the "funk" in it, so I... Oh, wait, wait, wait. Red, who's that Black person I like?
Red: Martin Luther King?
Kitty: Yes!

William Barnett: Hi, is this the Formans'?
Kitty: You know, I'm sorry, I told your friend last week, we don't want a subscription to Ebony magazine.
William Barnett: No, no, no, no. We spoke over the phone. I'm William Barnett. I'm Steven's father.
Kitty: Oh! I mean, come in, come in. Everybody, I want you to meet Steven's father. Steven, look.
Hyde: I'm looking.
William Barnett: It's good to meet you, Son. I've really been looking forward to this. I wanted to get you a card, but they don't have one for our unique situation. So, here. Happy First Communion.
Jackie: Wow. You came from him?
Eric: Yeah, I'm not sure I see the resemblance.
Hyde: What are you talking about? My 'fro, my coolness, my suspicion of the Man. This explains so much.

William Barnett: I own a chain of record stores.
Hyde: Record stores. That's cool, huh?
William Barnett: Yeah.
Hyde: I was afraid you were gonna be a cop or something.
William Barnett: I don't like cops.
Hyde: I don't like cops, either. Hey, who do you think shot JFK?
William Barnett: I don't know, because they don't want me to know.
Hyde: Check it out, man. I'm a chip off the old block.

Kelso: [answers phone] Brooke, did you have the baby yet?
Fez: [imitates baby crying]
Kelso: Fez?
Fez: No, this is your baby. And I'm really ugly.
Kelso: Okay, I know this is a prank, 'cause there's no way my baby would be ugly. [hangs up] [answers phone] Hello?
Fez: Yes, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, you better go catch it. Burn!
Kelso: Stop calling me! [hangs up]

Red: Why are you here? This isn't your home.
Fez: It still wouldn't kill you to put up some pictures of me. [phone rings]
Kelso: I got it!
Red: [answers phone] Hello? Charlie Schmidt! I haven't talked to you since the war. You know, I wasn't even sure they pulled you out of the water. [laughs] If I had known...
Kelso: [grabs phone] Never call here again! [hangs up]
Red: Kelso!
Kelso: Well, I gotta keep the line open.
Red: I'm gonna kill you and mount your head on the TV. And if it helps me get better reception, it'll do more for me than you have in your whole life.

Hyde: Yeah, I'm half Black, man. Kind of puts all the pieces of the puzzle together, don't it?
Kelso: Hey, I'm having a kid soon. I wonder if mine's gonna be half Black.
William Barnett: Is the mother Black?
Kelso: No.

Kitty: Steven, I am so happy we finally found your real father. Here. I framed the blood test results for you. Now, I spoke to him this morning, and I told him how your parents abandoned you and we took you in, and it's hard for you to say it out loud, but that you love me because I saved your life.
Red: Kitty, I'm not sure...
Kitty: He would be dead on the streets. [doorbell rings] Okay, he's here. Now, Steven, fix your hair. Eric, don't mumble. Red, don't yell at Eric if he mumbles.

Eric: Well, Mr. Barnett, please, sit anywhere you like on this big day. After all, how often does a kid get to meet his very own father?
Hyde: So far, I'm up to twice.
Eric: Hey, would you like a drink? Perhaps a cool drink for our cool visitor?
William Barnett: No, thanks, but I think all of you could use a Scotch.
Eric: That's crazy, we're totally relaxed. Hey, you know what show I love? The Jeffersons. "Dy-no-mite." Right?
Jackie: "Dy-no-mite" is from Good Times.
Eric: Oh, well, I watch them all. I mean, I don't discriminate.

Red: So father and son.
William Barnett: Yep.
Red: Well, I... I guess Steven must have gotten his mother's...
Kitty: Eyes. Eyes. Steven got his mother's pretty eyes.
William Barnett: Right.
Eric: Or as I like to say, "Right on."

William Barnett: You know, I'm beginning to feel like you haven't had a lot of Black people in this house.
Eric: Well, I mean, it's certainly not because we didn't want to.
Kitty: Right, right, no, it's just there haven't been any available.
Jackie: You know, it's Wisconsin.
William Barnett: Well, I know all about Wisconsin. The only place around here where you'll see white and Black together is on a cow. [laughs] [Kitty and Eric belatedly laugh]
Eric: That's right! Sure!