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‘Going Mobile’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Going Mobile

624. Going Mobile

Aired May 19, 2004

Eric and Donna are both experiencing cold feet ahead of their wedding. Hyde and Fez battle it out for the role of best man. Meanwhile, Kelso meets Brook's mother, Carolyn (Morgan Fairchild).

Quote from Fez

Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.

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Quote from Fez

Hyde: Ready? One, two, three. Cockroach beats nuclear bomb. That is 38 wins in a row. I think it's safe to say that I'm the best man.
Fez: No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just noticed something. Cockroach always wins. One more time, for all the marbles.
Hyde: Fine. One, two, three. [Hyde plays foot and Fez plays cockroach]
Fez: Foot, I forgot about foot. So foot always wins. One more time. Winner, best man, period.
Hyde: One, two, three.
Fez: Bomb! Nuclear bomb beats foot. It's like everything in this game loses to something else!
Hyde: Yes, it's exactly like that.
Fez: Wait, except... Aha! I was so blind. Nuclear bomb beats everything. One more time, winner take all.
Hyde: One, two, three. [Hyde plays cockroach and Fez plays nuclear bomb]
Fez: I'm going home.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Oh, hey, Kitty. Listen, I think I'm just gonna take Donna home and call it a night.
Kitty: Oh, don't you dare. We need to act like everything is normal. Keep the party going. Keep Donna happy. Didn't you have a speech to give?
Bob: Kitty, I don't think it's still appropriate...
Kitty: Okay, Bob's got a speech. Everybody, listen to Bob's speech. Speech! Speech!
Bob: I guess I could change a few things as I go along. [clears throat] "To the lovely bride and the handsome...
bride. I know the... one of you will make... yourself very happy. Your life will surely be enriched by all the time you spend with... alone. You are truly one soul becoming one joined... alone forever. So I don't look at this as the day I lose a daughter. I look at this as the day I gain... nobody." Salute.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Eric better have a good reason for being late. There's only two acceptable excuses for tardiness in a Pinciotti household. One, traffic was terrible. Two, I should have left earlier, but I was doing something.
Red: Well, Donna's not here, either. Oh, maybe her new house ran out of gas.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Guys, I have to tell you about this dream I had.
Kelso: No. Eric, I can't hear another one of your lame dreams. "Guys, I dreamt I was purple and I could fly and Luke Skywalker was my lab partner."

Quote from Donna

Kitty: So, Donna, rehearsal dinner tonight, wedding tomorrow, you excited?
Donna: Um... Actually, I'm a little nervous.
Kitty: Oh, that's just cold feet. [chuckles]
Donna: Yeah, but here's the thing. Whenever anyone's nervous about marriage, everyone says it's just cold feet. But half of all marriages end in divorce. So half of those people getting married should have cold feet. But by the time they realize their feet were right, it's too late. Too late! How do I know what to do? There is no answer! [gasps] I can't breathe.
Laurie: How you feel is totally normal. A lot of the guys that I'm dating were nervous before their weddings, but now they're all happily married.
Kitty: You do make a mother proud.

Quote from Fez

[circle:]
Hyde: I can't believe Forman took off, man. That's not like him at all. Usually he ruins things by staying.
Jackie: So, Steven, you know, since the church is booked already, you that think maybe we...
Hyde: [o.s.] No!
Jackie: Oh, come on!
Kelso: Look, Eric jilts Donna and all you guys can talk about is yourselves? Well, there are bigger issues here, people. Donna is single. Whoo-hoo!
Fez: Wait a minute. I get it now. Cockroach beats everything. Let's play, and I warn you, I'm going to be cockroach.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: [honks horn] Hey! On Earth, green means go!
[Kelso gets out of his car and walks to the car in front]
Kelso: Gosh, I didn't know they let brain-dead morons drive cars.
Carolyn: And I didn't know they let brain-dead morons into the police academy.
Kelso: [chuckles] Oh, they do! Brooke.
Brooke: Hi, Michael. This is my mother.
Kelso: Yeah, we met. It didn't go very well.

Quote from Bob

Pamela: Donna, don't take offense, but a trailer? I think you could do better.
Donna: Oh, that's funny. I was just thinking, so could my dad.
Bob: Hey, watch it, Donna. She's wrong, Pammy. I can't do better than you. I've tried and failed on several occasions.
Pamela: Oh, Bobby. Oh, I think I hear a chicken. I'll be in the car.
Bob: I'll go with you. We're in the honeymoon stage where she doesn't mind if I get handsy.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Well, I think this place is great. You can... You can just... You can drive your car right up to it and then, then you have a walk-in closet.
Donna: And look at our teeny, tiny bathroom.
Red: Eric, can I talk to you privately in the living room... The dining... The left front quadrant? Son, living here is a real bad idea. There's no privacy. Where will you hide if Donna has a chore for you? You'll have to dive under the trailer.
Kitty: Honey, would you help me unload some groceries from the car?
Red: See what I mean? I'm cornered, like an animal. Coming, honey. Your life is gonna be a living hell.

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