Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Killer Queen’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Killer Queen

812. Killer Queen

Aired February 9, 2006

Red introduces Hyde to the stash of gifts he keeps for Kitty so he's never in trouble if he forgets an important occasion. Jackie sees another side of her boss, ChristineMeanwhile, Donna asks Randy out on a Valentine's Day date.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Okay, what were you two talking about?
Red: Well, Kitty, I had a stash of gifts down there for every occasion. That way, if I forgot to buy you something, I'd still be covered.
Kitty: You buy my gifts in bulk?
Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass! Yeah! I can do that too!

Rate

Quote from Red

Hyde: Hey, Red, I got a question for you. My wife says she doesn't want anything for Valentine's Day. So I'm off the hook, right?
Red: Let me tell you a little story. There was a woman, a newlywed. And she told her husband, "Rather than waste money on gifts, save for retirement." And so he never bought her a gift. Not for Christmas, birthdays, never. And 50 years later, she thanked him. And you know who that woman was?
Hyde: No.
Red: That woman was the invisible dancing fairy of Dumbass Land. All women want gifts.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Oh, there's my valentine.
Red: Oh.
Kitty: See, now, the card is a heart. Actually, it's your heart, and it's saying, "Hi, Red, remember when I attacked you?" [chuckles] It's a reminder to cut back on fatty, fried foods.

Quote from Red

Red: Ever since I forgot Kitty's birthday that one year, I keep a stash of gifts down here. That way, even if I forget, I remember. Go ahead, I'll spot you one.
Hyde: Oh, hey, these wool mittens will be perfect for Sam. If only they were black, leather and a bra. So what are you giving Kitty?
Red: Ah, this needlepoint. She'll like it because it's fun, and I'll like it because it'll keep her occupied for gigantic chunks of time.

Quote from Jackie

Christine St. George: Jackie, dear, thank you for booking that lovely couple on our Fools for Love piece.
Jackie: I know, that guy was so cute. You know, he said no matter where he went he always heard his wife's voice saying, "I love you."
Christine St. George: Ah! Well, apparently another voice in his head told him to push her off a Ferris wheel.
Jackie: Oh, my God! Oh, no, no, no, no, that's horrible!
Christine St. George: It's a tragedy! We don't have a couple for today's show. You've got three hours to find another one or you're fired! Oh, I'm just kidding. No, I'm not. [exits] [returns] Seriously, Jackie, just kidding about firing you.
Jackie: [answers phone] Christine St. George's office.
Christine St. George: [on the phone] I wasn't kidding.
Receptionist: Psst, Jackie. Come here.
Jackie: Oh, what do you want?
Receptionist: I wanted to say don't worry. It'll all work out between you and Christine.
Jackie: Oh. Well, thanks. [answers phone] Christine St. George's office.
Receptionist: [on the phone] You're gonna get fired! You're gonna get fired! [laughs]

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Ugh, Fez. I have to find a happy couple for Christine to interview today or I'm fired.
Fez: What about Red and Miss Kitty?
Jackie: Ugh. I might as well just book that painting of the old lady and the geezer with the pitchfork!

Quote from Fez

Fez: But I would like to help.
Jackie: No, Fez, if Christine finds out we're faking it, I'm fired.
Fez: I can sell it, baby. Besides, interracial couples are sexy. Because it's illegal.
Jackie: Fez, it's not illegal for people of two different races to date.
Fez: It's not?
Jackie: Uh-uh.
Fez: Freaking Hyde!

Quote from Leo

Randy: Hey, Leo, what's your idea of a romantic date?
Leo: November 13th. But this year it's ruined, man. I gotta go to the dentist.

Quote from Fez

Christine St. George: Well, I hope you two lovebirds are ready to tell us all about your relationship.
Fez: We sure are. We've been dating so long, we finish each other's...
Jackie: Sentences.
Fez: Well, I was going to say sandwiches, but whatever.
Christine St. George: Okay, here we go. [music plays] What's Up Wisconsin? It's time for our annual Fools for Love segment, and with me today is my assistant, Jackie Burkhart, and her boyfriend, Fez... How do you pronounce your last name?
Fez: Oh, the first five K's are silent.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Miss St. George, are you okay?
Christine St. George: Yes, this happens to me every Valentine's Day. I see a couple in love and it reminds me that I am missing the one thing that every woman needs to feel good about herself.
Jackie: A friend that's fatter then you?
Christine St. George: Love! I sacrificed love for my career and sometimes I think I maybe did the wrong thing. Have a drink with me.
Jackie: Really?
Christine St. George: Tell me all about yourself. Who you are, what makes you tick.
Jackie: Well, um...
Christine St. George: No! Let's go back to me. I was born in a small hamlet just outside a little place I like to call New York.
[later:]
Christine St. George: And so I returned safely to base camp, that half-frozen Sherpa on my back. There's a famous Tibetan folksong about it.
Jackie: Wow. You're incredible.
Christine St. George: So are you. Here's to you, dear.
Jackie: No, to you, Miss St. George.
Christine St. George: Well, that's what I meant. Why on God's green earth would I drink to you? You're cut off.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode