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‘Heartbreaker’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Heartbreaker

504. Heartbreaker

Aired October 29, 2002

Kelso wants to confront Hyde after learning about his relationship with Jackie. Meanwhile, Kitty's parents, Bea (Betty White) and Burt (Tom Poston), come to town so she can tell them that she's pregnant.

Quote from Kitty

Red: Kitty, tell everyone your wonderful news. Quick.
Kitty: I'd really rather not right now, Red.
Bea: But that's why we're here.
Eric: Yeah, for the love of God, Mom, tell them.
Kitty: No, I said not right now.
Red: Kitty, they came all this way.
Eric: Yeah, come on.
Kitty: Fine. You wanna hear the big news? The doctor told me I started menopause.
Bea: Kitty, language!
Red: You're not pregnant?
Kitty: Nope. Nope. Just barren. Talk about that.

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Quote from Eric

Eric: Memorial Day, meningitis... Okay, here we go. Menopause.
Red: Good God! I didn't think they'd have pictures.
Eric: Well, at least they use the word "uterus" a lot.
Red: I could've gone a whole lifetime without knowing they had a mucus membrane.
Eric: Well, you just- You can't unlearn something like that, you know? Oh, no. Look at the symptoms. "Temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair." Uh-oh. Dad, I think you have menopause.

Quote from Donna

Donna: Kelso, try to look at the facts. Jackie wanted to get married, so you bailed so she found someone else, so now she doesn't wanna marry you. This solves your problem, albeit with an unpleasant twist ending.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Oh, just a moment. Red, it's somebody about buying the Corvette.
Red: [grunts]
Eric: Well, Marlin, we've just seen the male of the herd grunt his displeasure. But what does it mean?
Hyde: The grunting indicates aggression, Jim.
Eric: Ah!
Red: Idiots. I am about to sell something special to me, because we're having another baby. And to do that, I have to believe that this child won't turn out a smart-ass! [answers phone] Hello. Yes. Don't call here again. [hangs up]
Kitty: Well, what happened?
Red: Oh, the guy sounded like he was eating. I don't want some fat bastard eating in my car.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Anyway, I'm going to the doctor's this afternoon [singsongy] because I'm pregnant! Oh. Oh. And you're picking your grandparents up from the airport. I'm going to tell them that [singsongy] I'm pregnant!
Red: They get in from Phoenix at 5:00. You know, I was hoping when they moved to Arizona, they'd get lost in the desert.
Hyde: What's wrong with Mrs. Forman's parents?
Kitty: Nothing. They're just- They're very complicated people who can't be summed up in a couple of words.
Eric: Grandma yells, Grandpa drinks.
Red: That pretty much summed it up.
Kitty: Now, that is not true. My father is a wonderful man who just gets a little sleepy. And my mother, well... fine... is a little remote which, I have learned through many helpful books makes it impossible for her to say, "I love you." Even if it's the only thing in the world a sad little girl needs to hear. And which is why I say it to you every day. Eric, I love you. [kisses] [Hyde chuckles] And you too, Steven. I love you! [kisses Hyde]
Hyde: Oh, yeah. No, that's okay. You don't have to- No, that's all right. Okay, I love you too.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: I'm- It's just- How can Hyde do this to me?
Kitty: Uh-oh. It sounds like he knows.
Fez: Finally.
Kelso: What, your mom knew? And Fez? Fez never knows anything!
Fez: I know. I'm really coming into my own.
Kelso: Whatever. You know, none of this is as bad as Hyde not telling me. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make him tell me.
Donna: How are you gonna do that?
Kelso: By outwitting him conversationally. What a fine game of cat and mouse it will be.
Kitty: I'm gonna go find an eye patch.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: What's up?
Kelso: That's an interesting question, Hyde. What is up?
Hyde: Well, I guess you know about me and Jackie.
Kelso: Ah! So the battle of wits has begun!
Hyde: What battle of wits? I admit it. I've been messing around with Jackie.
Kelso: I hate you! [runs at Hyde and crashes into the wall] Ow! My eye!

Quote from Eric

Donna: Thanks again for the dream catchers.
Burt: A blind Indian with three fingers made those. It was quite a thing to watch.
Eric: Wow. I wonder if him being blind had something to do with the losing the fingers.
Bea: Actually, I think they were taken as part of a primitive manhood ritual.
Donna: Eric, I kinda like your grandparents. What were you so worried about?
Eric: Wait for it.
Bea: Burt, sweetie, I think that car is trying to pass. Why don't you move over?
Burt: Oh, he's fine.
Bea: Honey, I really think you should move over.
Burt: Sweetie, he can go around.
Bea: [shouts] Move!
Burt: I'm moving.

Quote from Red

Bea: Burt, honey, why don't you come over and sit with us?
Burt: I'm fine here.
Bea: We'd really like it if you would sit and join the party.
Burt: I'm part of the party right here.
Bea: [shouts] Sit! [Burt sighs]
Red: So, Burt, you're lookin' fit.
Burt: Dry heat and central air. That's the key.
Red: Uh-huh.
Burt: I've even got an air-conditioned garage. We can go from the house to the car without ever feeling the heat.
Eric: Wow. They literally never have to breathe fresh air. Wow.
Bea: Who needs it?
Red: Yep. [forced chuckle] Well, those are some real nice sandals, Burt. Hardly ever see those on men.
Bea: Also made by the handicapped Indian. What spirit.

Quote from Red

Eric: Mom, I'm really sorry. I know you wanted a baby, but I'm not really sure what to say, mainly because I'm not really sure what menopause is. Are you- Are you gonna, like, lose your hair?
Red: Shut up! She's not losing anything. This just means that from time to time... A woman's body... [clears throat] Kitty, explain it to the boy.
Bea: I'm just getting some juice.
Eric: Hey, Mom, maybe you should talk to Grandma about this.
Red: Now, that's an idea. I mean, we're just ignoramuses.
Kitty: Okay, okay. Scoot.
Eric: Is it- Is it like a lady-parts thing?
Red: We'll look it up in the World Book.

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