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‘The Kids Are Alright’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: The Kids Are Alright

601. The Kids Are Alright

Aired October 29, 2003

Eric is desperate to get out of the house and move to Madison, but it's clear Kitty is struggling to work and take care of Red after his heart scare. Meanwhile, Jackie finally chooses between Kelso and Hyde.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Okay, here you go. Egg whites only. No yolks, they're bad for you.
Red: But the yellow part is the baby bird. That's the part I wanna eat.
Kitty: Sorry. Too much cholesterol. Which also means no bacon. Just good old heart-healthy ham.
Eric: Mmm. Bacon. That is so good. That is so much better than ham.

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Quote from Eric

Eric: Oh, my God, Donna. Madison has a course called "The Social Significance of Jedi Culture."

Quote from Eric

Doctor: [to Red] What you need to do is focus on things that make you happy.
Eric: Okay, but I don't know where we're gonna find a boatload of dead commies.

Quote from Eric

Kitty: Okay, now... Get you upstairs for your nap, and, Eric, he needs quiet, so no shenanigans.
Eric: Mom, please. I haven't shenaniganed in about six years. I've hooliganed. I've no-goodniked. I've ne'er-done-well. Just yesterday, I caught myself rabble-rousing...
Red: Will you shut up!

Quote from Fez

Bob: I heard voices.
Donna: Oh, that was me, you know, greeting this beautiful morning.
Bob: Uh-huh. [opens closet door] Get out. May I ask why you're wearing my daughter's blouse?
Eric: I thought you'd be mad if I was nude.
Bob: Oh, what the hell?
Eric: Fez?
Donna: Oh, my God! Did you see anything?
Fez: Not much. You should really think about a night-light.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Yeah, it's a sweatband. I'm wearing sweatbands now.
Hyde: What are you doing?
Kelso: Well, police academy starts in a week, so I gotta get in shape. So I'm eating raw eggs, like Rocky.
Hyde: Kelso, Rocky ate raw eggs 'cause he was training for a fight. If he was training to be a cop, he'd just flunk out of high school and grow a bad mustache.
Kelso: Oh, I'm growing the bad mustache.

Quote from Fez

Kelso: Forman, just 'cause there's a sale at Penney's doesn't mean you gotta buy everything.
Hyde: Hey, Fez, you're supposed to bring your date home, then take her pants off.
Eric: Fellas, I'm afraid your little jokes don't bother me, because soon I will be starting my new life in Madison, where if I so choose, I can wear ladies' clothes all I want.
Fez: Really? Where is this Madison? [off their looks] So I can go there and kick their dress-wearing asses. Guys, come on. I'm all man. I'm married to Eric's slutty sister.
Kelso: Yeah, how's that going?
Fez: Oh, not great, but I'm pretty sure when Laurie gets back from our honeymoon in Cancun, things will pick up.
Hyde: Laurie went on your honeymoon alone?
Fez: Oh, no. That would be crazy. She took her friend Carlos along to keep an eye on her. But I paid for both of them, so everyone knows who the man is in this deal.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Hello, boys. It is me, the objects of your desire.
Kelso: Hey, Jackie.
Hyde: So, Jackie, did you choose between me and Kelso yet?
Jackie: I'm on my way to the pool right now to think about it. Rest assured, when I'm in my most delicious shade of cocoa brown, you will have your answers.
Kelso: Well, this might tip the scales. I'm not wearing anything underneath my track suit.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Hey, Jackie, you wanna see something hot? Watch me drink raw eggs.
Jackie: Oh, Michael...
Kelso: Jackie, hold on. I'm drinking my eggs.
Jackie: No, Michael...
Kelso: Jackie, whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until after I drink my eggs!
Jackie: Fine.
Kelso: [drinks] Now, what is so important?
Jackie: You're allergic to eggs!
Kelso: [chuckles] Oh, man, I am.
Jackie: Yeah.
Kelso: [chuckles] Yeah, I gotta go to the hospital.

Quote from Red

Red: Come on, Kitty. Let's get the hell out of this weird place. I think some of these nurses are stealing drugs.
Kitty: Red, I am a nurse here. [chuckles]
Red: I stand by my statement.
Doctor: Okay, Mr. Forman, just to be clear, no going to work, no chores, no driving for three months. And let's not forget the root cause of the problem.
Eric: Too much rage, right? Yeah, so he probably shouldn't, like, yell at anyone anymore, right?
Doctor: Actually, the reason he ran into trouble is he was holding stuff in.
Eric: He was holding stuff in. Okay, I weigh 42 pounds 'cause of what he let out. And I'm sorry, you're telling me that, uh... There's more in there?
Kitty: [laughs] No, no, no. He does not weigh 42 pounds, and these two are the best of buddies. "Hey, Dad, wanna go fishing?" "Sure, son, let's hug." [laughs] That's what it's like at our house. [laughs]
Red: See what I mean about the drugs?

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