Eric: Can I go now?
Kitty: No, no, no. Not until you eat. You look like you haven't eaten for a week.
Red: Oh, come on, Kitty. He always looks like that.

Kitty: Red, you should go talk to him.
Red: What? Why me?
Kitty: Well, because I don't really know how to mend a broken heart. I've never been dumped.
Red: Oh, I don't believe that.
Kitty: Why not?
Red: Well, there are certain things about you that are annoying that other people might not have been as tolerant of.
Kitty: You're bald!
Red: See? Like that!

Eric: Dad, I'm really not in the mood for conversation.
Red: Good. Then I'll talk and you listen. I ever tell you the story about Larry "No Foot" Mulligan?
Eric: Well, I can guess. He had no foot?
Red: Larry was a buddy of mine who lost his foot during the war. And then, on his way back to the States, old One Foot - at that point we were calling him One Foot - had his ship go down and a shark ate his other foot. But he made it all the way back home. And do you know what happened to him when he got here?
Eric: He overcame his handicap and, ironically, became a shoe salesman?
Red: No. His girlfriend dumped him.
Eric: Well, thank God it had a happy ending.
Red: Look, the point of the story is, you've got both feet. You'll be fine. Now, put some shoes on, go on down and trim the hedges.
Eric: Yeah. Well, you know, I think I'm just gonna stay up here.
Red: Yeah. Well, you know, I think you're not.

Hyde: Hey! Fez, check it out.
Fez: "Fun University."
Hyde: Now check out the back.
Fez: "F.U." I don't get it.
Hyde: F.U., man. F.U.!
Fez: Oh, right. "Fu." That's a good one.

Hyde: All right. Let's go.
Jackie: Okay, what about Michael?
Hyde: Look, there's been lost dogs who've traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with their families. Now, Kelso is not as smart as that, but I'm sure he can make it the 12 miles back to Forman's.

Red: So, me and this girl Eloise were together for a while. Everything was great. But when things started getting serious, she dumped me. Man, that- that hurt like hell.
Eric: Did you cry?
Red: No! No, no. But there were times when I thought I would never get over it. But time passed. I moved on. And then the day came when I didn't think about her as much. Then a couple more days came along, and, why, I thought about her even less. Then one day, I didn't think about her at all. And then that made me sad.
Eric: We've got a little Irish in us, don't we, Dad?
Red: Yes, we do.
Eric: It's just- It hurts. You know?
Red: Listen, I'm gonna give you a few days to pull yourself together. You can stay in bed and sleep. Watch TV. Whatever you need to do.
Eric: Thank you, Dad. And, you know not that it matters, but Donna didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
Red: Whatever you need to tell yourself to make it better.

Kitty: Hello, boys. You're up bright and early this morning.
Kelso: Yeah. We're going to Funland. It's super fun.
Kitty: Oh, Red, remember how we used to take Eric there when he was little?
Red: Remember how I used to get on the roller-coaster with him and then, just before we took off, I'd jump out and wave good-bye? Boy, did he scream.

Kelso: And we figured Eric could use some fun, you know, since he and Donna broke up.
Kitty: What? Broke up?
Hyde: Yeah, I heard Donna dumped his ass.
Fez: That's funny. I heard Eric was the one who dumped Donna.
Red: Sure, he did.
Kitty: I don't think so.
Hyde: Yeah, right.

Hyde: Forman, man, snap out of it. So you had one of the hottest chicks in Point Place and you blew it. Could be worse. [chuckles] No, it couldn't.
Kelso: Eric, it's not all bad. I mean, come on, think about Bob being your father-in-law. That guy'd be in all your wedding pictures.

Hyde: Fine. We're going to Funland.
Eric: Good. Go.
Fez: You know what? I'm glad you are not going to Funland because you will suck the fun right out of it. And then- And then it would just be called "Landland." I'm sorry. I'll get you a candy apple, okay?