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‘Trampled Under Foot’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Trampled Under Foot

521. Trampled Under Foot

Aired April 9, 2003

Eric leads the search for a new friend when it seems the gang is stuck in a rut. Meanwhile, Nina breaks up with Fez.

Quote from Hyde

[circle:]
Hyde: I'm telling you, the government has a car that runs on water, man. They just don't want us to know, because then we'd buy all the water. Then there'd be nothing left to drink but beer. And the government knows that beer will set us free.
Fez: Hyde, you told us about the car a million times. Can we please talk about how hungry and horny I am? I wish I had a lady made of pizza. Or a pizza made of boobs!
Eric: Yeah, hungry, check. Horny, check. It's getting a little old, Fez. God, I feel like I'm Luke Skywalker, you know? Remember when he was living on Tatooine before R2 and 3PO showed up? Just working on Uncle Owen's water farm all day. Not even allowed to go into Toshie Station to pick up some power converters. Boring.
Kelso: Eric, enough with the Star Wars crap! Whenever you talk about that stuff, I frown. And when I frown, my skin wrinkles. And if I get wrinkles, my free ride is over. And I like my free ride!
Hyde: Yeah, we get it. You're good looking. Look, doesn't anybody have anything new to say?
[Fez, Eric and Kelso are stumped when the camera pans over to them]
Hyde: So there's this car that runs on water, man. [guys throw beer cans at Hyde] It runs on water, man!

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Quote from Hyde

[circle:]
Hyde: Hey, weren't we supposed to seize something, man?
Donna: You know what the Six Million Dollar Man should have? A bionic nose. You could smell everything!
Eric: Guys, all I know is that we should really appreciate this, 'cause I don't think we're gonna be able to do this in college.
Kelso: This peach cobbler is amazing. Now, who would leave a whole pan of peach cobbler just sitting on a counter?
Jackie: See? We don't need anyone else. We have lots of interesting things to say. Right?
Hyde: Hey, there's this car that runs on water. It runs on water, man! [the guys throw beer cans and a candy bar at Hyde]

Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, Nina, I brought you the special. One small soda, one medium popcorn and one large Fez, dark and sweet.
Nina: Fez, you know I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you.
Fez: Hey, 37 times of fun, to be exact. It would've been 38, but you know... And then again, I apologize. Now enjoy your meal. If you need me, I'll be smelling your neck.
Nina: Fe-Fez, I'm starting to feel like I need some space. But I want you to know it's not you, it's me.
Fez: Okay. Well, I guess tonight I'll be doing number 12,377 of the other thing.
Nina: That's sort of gross.
Fez: Hey, it may be gross, but that's the way I learned how to count.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Hello, friends of Fez.
Eric: Hi. Where's Nina?
Fez: Oh, she don't wanna hang out with me tonight. She said she needed space.
All: Ooh!
Fez: Uh-oh. That's the same sound you guys made when I told you I was gonna grow my bangs out.
Donna: Fez, when a girl says she needs space, that means that she's dumping you.
Fez: Oh, you don't understand. She said it was her and not me.
All: Ooh!
Eric: That ain't good.
Fez: Oh, what's the big deal?
Eric: Oh, man, I can't tell him. This is a job for someone who's cold, heartless and just inhuman. Jackie, go for it.
Jackie: Fez, when a girl says, "It's not you, it's me" what she really means is it's you.
Fez: So I have really been dumped.
Hyde: Yep. And here's another tip. When a girl says she just wants to be friends, it means she wants you to do stuff for her, but she's not gonna put out. So, you know, heads-up on that one.
Kelso: Yep. Women'll screw you over every chance they get. That and breast-feeding. It just comes natural to 'em.

Quote from Red

Red: So, Hadji's girlfriend finally came to her senses. What happened? She didn't wanna be a fifth wife? [laughs]
Kelso: [laughs] Hadji.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: All right. Well, it's her loss. The girls in my Friday night cribbage game will be thrilled to have Fez back at the table.
Eric: You know what? At least Fez has a social life. Look at us. We're hanging out with my parents.
Red: Yeah, about that. Feel free to get the hell out.
Donna: Well, we can do better than this. You guys, we're gonna graduate in two months and there is a whole town out there just waiting for us. We just have to, you know, grab the bull by the horns.
Kelso: Okay, but I tell you this from experience. If we're gonna mess with the bull, we better have an escape plan.
Kitty: Well, what are the popular kids doing tonight? [off their looks] Well, I'll bet they're not hanging around with their parents giving them snarky looks.

Quote from Red

Kelso: I remember when the Brady kids got bored and then that fat kid Oliver showed up. [chuckles] It just all turned around. They got in a pie fight and everything.
Eric: You know what? Kelso might actually be onto something. Maybe we should look for someone new to hang out with.
Kelso: All right! We're getting a fat kid!
Red: You know, instead of adding someone maybe you should think about weeding out a few. Like you and you and you.
Eric: I'm your son.
Red: I can't play favorites.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: You know, if you're looking for a new friend, how about Lance Crawford? He's such a nice boy.
Eric: Mom, Lance Crawford and I hate each other. You're just obsessed with getting his mother's peach cobbler recipe.
Kitty: Well, what kind of a woman keeps a recipe a secret? If that recipe were the polio vaccine, we'd all be in wheelchairs!

Quote from Eric

Kitty: Eric. Eric. Honey, there's someone here to see you.
Eric: Mom, if it's another one of Dad's Marine Corps recruiters, I'm gonna run away. I swear.

Quote from Eric

Eric: Lance Crawford? Mom!
Lance: Hello, Eric. Your father and I were just discussing how unrealistically space travel is portrayed in Star Wars.
Eric: It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Look, you either buy it or you don't.
Kitty: What a lively conversation. [laughs] I'll get some sodas.
Eric: No, please. Allow me. Why don't you stay here and chat with Mr. Unrealistic Space Travel.
Lance: Yes, I'd love to explain the practical impossibility of the so-called light saber.
Eric: You son of a bi-

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