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The Best Christmas Ever

‘The Best Christmas Ever’

Season 1, Episode 12 -  Aired December 13, 1998

After skimping on a Christmas tree so he would have money for beer, Eric throws a Christmas party in the basement. Meanwhile, Red works Christmas Eve at Bob's appliance store.

Quote from Laurie

Laurie: Oh, you did not get this from a lot. You stole it.
Eric: I haggled.
Laurie: With who? Smokey the Bear? You stole it.
Eric: Well, I mean, you're one to talk. You're flunking out of college.
Laurie: How'd you know?
Eric: I didn't.
Laurie: Shut up!
Eric: Shut up.
Laurie: You shut up!
Eric: You shut up!
Laurie: [backs away] Okay. Okay.


Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Oh, I just love Christmas. It's all about good tidings and cheer. [exhales] And shopping.
Hyde: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus was going for.
Jackie: Hey, I give, too. Every year, my friends and I deliver gift baskets to the unfortunate.
Donna: I think you mean less fortunate.
Jackie: Okay, whatever. Bums.

Quote from Bob

Red: You know, Bob, I- I just want to thank you again for the job, you know?
Bob: Oh, I always need extra help during the holidays. I feel like you're my second-in-command around here. So, listen, how about you close up for me on Christmas Eve?
Red: Why would we be open?
Bob: Oh, it's a big night, Red. See, picture a guy driving home from work on Christmas Eve. [hums] Fa la la la la
Red: Bob, nobody works on Christmas Eve.
Bob: All of a sudden, he realizes he forgot to buy a gift! Then he passes by the store here, sees we're the only place open. So what does he do? He comes in here and buys a fridge.
Red: So this guy's insane?
Bob: Not my place to judge. So what do you say?
Red: Fine.
Bob: I knew I could count on you, Red. Of course, you'll have to wear the Santa Claus suit.
Red: [chuckles] You got me there, Bob.
Bob: No, I'm serious, Red.
Red: No. You got me there, Bob.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Hi, Mr. Forman.
Red: Kelso, what are you doing here? It's Christmas Eve.
Kelso: I know, I'm looking for a Christmas gift. You know, you're the only place in this whole town that's open.
Red: Yeah, I know.
Kelso: What can I get for $17?
Red: We've got some really nice heavy-duty extension cords.
Kelso: No. How much is that refrigerator?

Quote from Fez

Donna: Man, the Grinch has a big butt.
Fez: Yes. Nothing says Christmas like a big, green Grinch ass.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: You know what my favorite Christmas gift of all time is? Lite Brite. It's fun making things with Lite Brite. Well, it is.

Quote from Jackie

Hyde: Man, my favorite gift is cash. That way you can buy whatever you want. Know what I mean, Donna?
Donna: Huh?
Hyde: Like, let's just say somebody gave you $6 and some change, right? You know, to buy a present. What would you get?
Donna: Well, Hyde, it doesn't matter how much a gift costs as long as it's personal and sentimental.
Jackie: You know what's both personal and sentimental? Diamonds.

Quote from Eric

Kitty: So, Laurie, seeing anyone special at college?
Laurie: Oh, I like to date around.
Eric: [coughs] Slut!
Kitty: Bless you.
Eric: Thanks, Mom.

Quote from Laurie

Eric: So, Dad, instead of being at your party this year, I was thinking of throwing a party in the basement. I mean, I think I'm old enough. [Kitty laughs]
Red: Fine.
Kitty: Fine?
Red: Well, every year he just mopes around here like it's the end of the world, anyway.
Eric: All right! Thanks, Dad.
Kitty: So now who's going to sing the high parts on The Little Drummer Boy?
Laurie: Well, traditionally it's the man who can't grow facial hair.

Quote from Kelso

Hyde: Forman, man, would you relax? This is a good plan. We cut down the tree, keep the $40 for beer.
Eric: Car.
[As Hyde and Eric duck down, Kelso pops up to look around]
Kelso: Where?
Eric: Kelso, "car" means get down.

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