Kelso: Look. I'm Paul Stanley from KISS.
Red: Kelso, don't play with the cheese. These damn kids. They don't respect anything American.
Kitty: Oh, Red, this isn't about the kids misusing dairy products. You're still upset that Bob marched in the Veteran's Day parade.
Red: Well, he was only in the National Guard. It's called Veteran's Day. Not Pansy-ass, National Guard Wussy, Pansy-ass Day.
Kitty: Oh, come on, Red. Are any dirty Commies less dead because of him?
Red: No, I guess not. You're right, Kitty. You know, I'm gonna put away this uniform, and then we'll fire up that grill.

Kitty: You know, maybe Eric's bad score is a blessing. It'll be a good story when he's a senator.
Red: "Senator"? The word you're looking for is "janitor."
Kitty: Okay, see? That's why Eric did so poorly on that test. It's because you're too hard on him.
Red: I have to be hard on him, 'cause you always baby him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: You were hard on him when he was a baby.

Donna: Eric, how did you get "Jedi" from "staircase"?
Eric: Uh, Donna, the path to becoming a Jedi has many steps, duh.

Jackie: Wow. Donna, you look great. What could it be? [gasps] Oh, I know. You lost 80 pounds of ugly fat. [laughs] Burn, Eric, burn!
Eric: Okay, first of all I weigh a 130- 49 pounds.
Fez: Yeah. You look good too, Eric. You lost your one true love, so... Looking good.

Hyde: Look, Forman. I appreciate what you're trying to do, you know? But you getting into trouble is not going to help me get out of trouble, okay? Okay?
Eric: Okay.
Hyde: Okay. Everybody just stop worrying, all right? I'll be fine.
Fez: Yes. It will be good for you in the FotoHut. Maybe you will develop some character. [laughs] Get it? Develop? [laughs] Oh, fine. I guess I'm not funny. Kiss my brown ass.

Jackie: I don't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father.
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: Oh. [chuckles] I thought he was talking to you.

Donna: This place is awesome.
Eric: I know. There's gotta be, like, 17 pillows on this bed.
Donna: What's this? Oh, my God. It's a tiny fridge with, like, a million bottles of tiny liquor. [gasps] And tiny cookies.
Eric: Oh, yeah? Well, in there... tiny shampoo and tiny soap. Donna, I think elves work here.
Donna: I feel so classy. I'm stealing all of it.