Donna: I love your little butt, Eric.
Eric: Oh.
Donna: It's so little.
Eric: Okay. Um...
Donna: And you're so good, Eric. You're so darn good.
Eric: I think it's coffee time.
Donna: You're so good, it makes me hot.
Eric: Or time for another Iced Tea maybe.

Red: Out of my chair, Tonto.
Fez: Oh, come on. A chair is a chair. Branch out a little. Try the piano bench.
Red: What did you say?
Kitty: Laurie, go get a cup of milk.
Laurie: Why?
Kitty: It'll keep Fez's teeth alive until we get him to the dentist. [doorbell rings] [Eric opens door]
Agent Armstrong: Hi, sir. Hal Armstrong from the immigration service. I'm here to conduct some interviews.
Red: What do you want to know? 'Cause I'll tell you everything.
Fez: Is it too late to give you back your chair?
Red: Oh, no, don't get up. This could be the last time you sit on furniture that you didn't build out of mud and twigs.

Kitty: What I don't understand is how you can lie to a pastor in church.
Donna: Well, Mrs. Forman, what about the time you lied to Pastor Dan? You told him your dog ate your bake sale cookies, but you didn't bake them 'cause you were too busy sipping Kahlua and watching that Paul Newman retrospective.
Kitty: I did not lie to Pastor Dan in church. I lied to him at the market, and at the market, he is just a regular man. Now, you two march back to church and tell him the truth. And for your information, Donna, Kahlua is barely a drink. It's like root beer.

Eric: Hey, Dad, that was pretty cool how I shut off all the water in the house, huh?
Red: Yeah, you really instill a lot of confidence, muttering "lefty loosey, righty tighty" the whole time. Okay, let's get started. Now, this is a wrench.
Eric: Dad, I think I know what tools are.
Red: Good. Then grab the Philips head.
Eric: Uh, shouldn't I buy Philip a drink first? [laughs] Come on! We're just a couple guys having some fun on the job, lighten up. Get a little "lefty-loosey".
Red: Do you even know what a Philips head screwdriver is?
Eric: I know it's a screwdriver. Now.

Jackie: Ooh. Listen to this. "Corner Him Under the Mistletoe: Eight Ways to Trick a Guy Into a Relationship." [squeals] I love the holidays.
Donna: Yeah, hanging your stocking, putting cookies out for Santa, setting a man trap. Mmm, Christmas.
Jackie: You know, this'll be the first year I celebrate Christmas without a boyfriend.
Donna: And Jesus wept.
Jackie: So here's my new plan for the year: Buy some really cute tops, fly to Hollywood and marry Lee Majors. Make fun of that. I dare you.

Kelso: Man, we're so back in love.
Hyde: I remember when it was all, "You're an idiot, Michael!" And, "Whoa, what'd I do?" Good times.
Kelso: Sorry, man, but I love her.
Fez: [quietly] Yes, but you don't deserve her, you son of a bitch.
Kelso: What?
Fez: I said... Uh, "Good cheese puffs, you son of a bitch."

Donna: She chose Fez because he listens when a woman talks instead of staring at her chest. Stop staring at my chest!
Kelso: I'm sorry, look, I've been screwed by Darwinism. I never needed to evolve listening skills, 'cause my looks are so highly developed.
Donna: Um, that's not how evolution works.
Kelso: Yeah, sure it is. Look, say I had to catch my own food, right, but I only ate really fast animals? My feet would eventually evolve into rockets.
Hyde: Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding.