TV Quotes

Red: This mall is only big enough for one Santa, Bob.
Bob: Tell you what, you name five reindeer and I'll step down.
Red: I can name five toes that are gonna be in your ass.
Kitty: Oh, for goodness' sake! Why don't we stop calling it Christmas and call it "Assmas"?

Kitty: Eric? Jackie's on the phone. She wants to talk to you.
Hyde: Jackie wants to talk to Forman?
Kitty: Yes. Now pick up because she's been blabbering for 20 minutes. And I never noticed it when she was living here, but she's not that interesting.

Eric: You know what? That's it. I'm going. I'll just show up in California and, like, blow her mind. Yeah. I mean when the Empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call 'em up?
Fez: Oh, God.
Hyde: Oh.
Eric: No. He hopped on the Millennium FaIcon and he paid a little visit to the Death Star.

Donna: Jackie, I can't believe your parents are gone. I'm so sorry.
Jackie: Okay, everybody needs to stop worrying about me. I'm fine. I mean, how could I not be? Mrs. Forman did my hair and made me smiley-faced pancakes. Eric, this house is like a shabby hotel with really great service.

Donna: Fez, is that her?
Fez: Yes. I wish I could go talk to her, but I get so nervous.
Donna: Fez, you shouldn't be nervous. You're awesome. What girl wouldn't wanna be with you?
Fez: Well, there is Jackie, Laurie... this girl from gym, another girl from chemistry... uh, country-western star Tanya Tucker, who does not answer her letters.

Hyde: I mean, how does Bob pull all these foxes like Midge and Pam? He's got to have something the ladies can't resist. Hey, Donna, you ever see your dad naked?
Donna: Oh, my God! Can we please talk about anything besides that?
Fez: You're way off, Hyde. Women love Bob for his sense of humor. That sucker is funnier than a Dixie cup.
Kelso: No. All right, how it works is relationships are based on a point system. All right, see, Pam is good-looking. So that's 20 points. And Bob, he's like the nicest guy in the world. So that's like, what? Like a point. But Bob's got money, and that's 19 points. And altogether that's 20. Now, you add the whole thing together, and that's 40, which is incidentally almost half my score.

Jackie: Wow.
Fez: Yeah, this place looks great.
Kitty: Fez, Jackie, the decorations are beautiful.
Donna: No. No, no, no, no. They haven't been here all day. I did this because I'm feminine too. I'm a lady. Why can't anyone freaking see that?
Kitty: Oh, honey, no. It's perfect. Okay, the next time I need a feminine touch, I am using you and Fez.