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‘Garage Sale’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Garage Sale

201. Garage Sale

Aired September 28, 1999

When Eric and Hyde get stuck helping Red and Kitty throw a garage sale, Hyde bakes "special" brownies to sell off. Meanwhile, Fez discovers feelings for Jackie.

Quote from Red

Eric: Dad, you sold my car? How could you?
[The wallpaper behind Eric and Hyde is swaying as Red stares at them]
Eric: Just what in the hell were you thinking?
Red: I thought I was helping, because you're always saying how you need money.
Eric: For gas! For the car!
Hyde: Don't yell at him. To be honest, Red, we're a little disappointed.
Eric: I'm not gonna run any more errands for you, pal.
Hyde: You should've checked with us first, Red.
Eric: You know how many times I rotated those tires?
Hyde: You're not supposed to take things that aren't yours.
Eric: I had stuff in the backseat. Now that's all just gone, mister.
Hyde: Forman, it's okay.
Eric: No, it's not okay!
Hyde: Look, Red, who did you sell the car to?
Red: I sold it to a guy named... Peter. Peter... Cottontail. [sings] Hopping down the bunny trail Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way

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Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Okay, Michael, I want you to take me to the movies today.
Kelso: I'm way ahead of you, Jackie. 2:00, Smokey and the Bandit.
Jackie: No. No, no, no. I told you. I don't want to see that again. I don't like the South.

Quote from Hyde

Kitty: Oh, Steven, I have a great idea. You could sell lemonade.
Hyde: Mrs. Forman, I've thrown a lot of rocks at kids with lemonade stands, and... Lord knows I hate a hypocrite.
Kitty: You could have a little bake sale.
Hyde: I pretty much beat up any kid selling anything.
Kitty: Steven, you could... You could just do a little table with some cookies and some brownies...
Hyde: I'm not much of... Brownies? I could make brownies. Because people love brownies!
Eric: No, they don't.
Hyde: Oh, they love my brownies.

Quote from Red

[circle:]
Red: You know... I'm glad the plant is closing. It frees me up to do my own thing.
Kitty: [laughs] You said, "Do my own thing!"
Midge: Oh, Red. Your own thing. That's so hip!
Bob: I love salt.
Red: I like that word, "Hip." It kinda pops, you know? Hip. Hip. Hip-puh! I can see my own mouth!
Kitty: You know what's beautiful? Fruitcake. All of the different-colored little fruits living together in one cake.
Midge: I jumped out of a cake once.
Bob: I also like sweet, but there's just something about salt.
Red: Hip. It starts to lose its meaning after a while, you know? Hip. It's not even a word.

Quote from Kitty

[circle:]
Kitty: [banging sound] Oh, my God, listen. You can hear my heart. [banging sound] Oh, my God! There it is again.
Midge: No. That's someone at the door.
Bob: Maybe it's the cops.
Red: It's just someone for the garage sale. Take whatever you want! It won't fill the hole in your life! [banging sound] I'll go see who it is.
Kitty: You know... For a terrible grouch, Red is great in bed.
Midge: [laughs] I'm sorry. What?
Red: [sings] Hippity hoppity Easter's on its way
Kitty: Where'd you go, Red?
Red: Well, I was hopping down the old bunny trail... And this guy offered me $200 for the Vista Cruiser. So I sold it to him.
Kitty: You sold Eric's car? Oh, no. [laughs]

Quote from Hyde

Hyde: Do you now or have you ever had any association with the Point Place Police Department? [man shakes his head] All right. Here's your brownie. You got about 30 minutes to get someplace safe.

Quote from Fez

Fez: [inner monologue] Did you see that, Fez? Yes, you did. She may be taking my popcorn, but she knows there is more in my lap than that. [spills out popcorn] She wants you, old boy. Now's your chance. Be smooth. Think Ricardo Montalban. Just turn... Lock eyes... Go! [Fez kisses Jackie]
Jackie: Wait, wait, Fez, what are you doing?
Donna: Oh, my God!
Kelso: You're a dead man!
[fantasy: time freezes as Kelso swings at Fez:]
Fez: Could I have avoided this? Let's review. First, Jackie said I was funny. Next, she ate popcorn from my groin. Then I sucked her face. Nope. It was meant to be.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: In a way, I don't blame Fez. I'm very appealing.
Donna: I just can't believe he kissed you. That's...
Jackie: Donna, I have to confess something. It wasn't terrible.
Donna: How not terrible?
Jackie: It was the best kiss of my life! I mean, Fez is totally not an option, 'cause he's foreign and everything, but... Michael has never kissed me like that.
Donna: What was so good about it?
Jackie: Do you know when Fez talks, he sometimes rolls his R's?
Donna: Yeah.
Jackie: Well, that's what he did in my mouth!

Quote from Fez

Fez: Oh, Kelso, I am sorry. Your girlfriend gives me action in the pants.
Kelso: Oh, no, she doesn't.
Fez: Yes, she does. She came up to me. She said I was funny.
Kelso: Fez, sometimes when a girl says that you're funny, it just means that you're funny.
Fez: Well... I am freaking hilarious.
Kelso: Fez, Jackie is, like, my girlfriend, okay? And we have this bond between us, and nobody can come between that bond.
Fez: I thought you wanted to fool around with Eric's sister.
Kelso: Well, yeah, her, but that's, like, that's it.
Fez: And you made out with Pam Macy.
Kelso: Okay, Fez, what's your point?
Fez: My point is... You are a whore.
Kelso: Okay, then. Apology accepted.

Quote from Red

Eric: Hey, uh, Dad, Donna and I were gonna go see The Goodbye Girl.
Red: Yeah. Well, I'm sure it's a great movie, Eric... But you're gonna be helping with the garage sale. It's important.
Eric: Oh, right. We're having a garage sale because you lost your job... I mean... because of all the clutter.
Red: [clears throat] Everybody needs to work, Eric. The gravy train has made its last stop.
Eric: Okay, there was a gravy train?
Red: Yup. And you missed it.

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