Fez: Ah, women. Am I right, guys? Ah, who am I kidding? There's no woman for Fez. What must Fez do to get a woman?
Hyde: Well, for one thing, he's gotta cut out that third-person crap. It's weird. You are Fez. You know something else? Shoes say a lot about a man. In your case, your chukka boots are screaming "virgin."
Fez: Damn you, boots. What else have you told them?

Fez: How am I supposed to afford new boots? My Bible-thumping host parents won't give me an allowance because I am a pagan.
Hyde: You know, Leo's looking for help down at the Fotohut.
Fez: The Fotohut, huh? I can really "picture" myself there. That job and I will really "click." Oh, I am on a "roll"... of film. [Hyde punches Fez's arm] Ow. Don't be so "negative." [chuckles] I am the king.

Leo: You sure you wanna get in the Fotohut game? It can chew you up and spit you out like a stick of gum. Or something that seemed edible till you put it in your mouth and then you realized it's not. Or a stick of gum.
Fez: What kind of gum?
Leo: Big Red.
Fez: Oh, that's fine.
Leo: Okay, you're hired. But you're on probation. No, wait. I'm on probation. Oh, wow. I gotta go see my probation officer.
Fez: So he's my new boss?
Hyde: Welcome to paradise.

Fez: Ta-da!
Hyde: [wakes up] Quitting time, chief?
Fez: No. I devised a system to streamline our operations. From now on, all orders will be filed alphabetically.
Hyde: So the size of a customer's boobs?
Fez: No longer a factor. You see, it saves time. And time, my friend, is money. But money is not time. You'd think it would go both ways, but it doesn't.

Leo: I don't like what's goin' on here, man. That little dude's making us all look bad. I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.
Hyde: Leo, you are the boss.
Fez: [through the window] Did you fire him yet? I'll take his shifts.
Leo: Hey, dude, man. I think we decided that you're fired.
Fez: Oh. Well, that's a cold slap in the groin. How am I supposed to afford my new boots?
Leo: Here. Just do what I do, man. Just get some money out of the register when the boss isn't looking.
Hyde: Once again, Leo, you are the boss.
Leo: And I'm not looking.

Kitty: Isn't this nice?
Red: Okay, Kitty. Enough jawing. Drinks are only free for the first two hours.
Kitty: Oh, do you think they have peach schnapps? Peach is my favorite schnapp.

[Bob picks up a big stack of TV meals from the frozen foods aisle]
Bob: My wife left me. I don't cook. I don't shop. I'm hungry. This place scares me, and I like Salisbury steak.
Joanne: So you don't cook or shop, and your idea of a nice meal is gristly hamburger smothered in goo? What woman could let all that go?
Bob: Hey, I've got an upside. Th-There are things.
Joanne: I know. You're a good guy- a good, old-fashioned, out-of-touch, Stone Age guy. But, you know, there's nothing wrong with you that changing yourself completely couldn't fix.
Bob: Thank you.
Joanne: [laughs] Here. In the meantime, have a pretzel. I can tell you haven't eaten anything.
Bob: I am pretty hungry.
Joanne: Oh, never shop when you're hungry, 'cause you'll end up at home with 15 Salisbury steaks. Give me those.
Bob: See, the problem is I have a daughter at home. I think I'm gonna have to start feeding her. I don't think I can do this.
Joanne: Of course you can't. Lucky for you, I'm here. Now, we just gotta find everything you need to make a meat loaf.
Bob: Wow. You're gonna make me a meat loaf?
Joanne: No. You're gonna make me a meat loaf.
Bob: Okay, but sometimes I burn myself on the oven. I'm, uh- I'm Bob.
Joanne: Joanne. Now haul ass, Bob.

Kelso: Hey, Fez seeing you wear those chukkas makes me wanna up-chukka.
Hyde: Nice.
Kelso: Yeah. It's like I ate too many "chukkalate" chip cookies.
Hyde: Okay.
Kelso: Yeah, how much wood could a "woodchukka" chukka-
Hyde: Hey. Shut the chukka up.

Donna: Wow. This is a really nice dress.
Kitty: I know. Isn't it fancy? [laughs] It's for the Price Mart Ball tomorrow night.
Eric: Oh, right, the Price Mart Ball.
Kitty: So who you taking? Who's the lucky lady?
Eric: Oh, well, I decided not to go. Personal choice.
Red: You don't have a date, do you?
Eric: Okay. You know what? It's not about, "Can I get a date?" It's about this great book that I'm, like, halfway through. Plus, you know, I could get a date. [Red laughs] I've got numbers, buddy.
Kitty: Sure you do, honey. You're number one with me. [laughs]
Red: You're going tomorrow night. And you'd better not go stag, Eric. There's nothing worse than an 80-pound boy dancing with his mommy all night.

Donna: You know what? [clears throat] I'll go. I told you I would, like, months ago.
Eric: But that was before the... ugliness.
Donna: Eric, I'm over it. Hey, I'm over it. Oh, I'm- I'm over it. Plus, I mean, last year they had all-you-can-eat shrimp.
Eric: Well, I mean, you know, I'm over it. Hey, I'm over it. Yeah, I'm over it. I was just worried that you might think it was weird, us going out on a date. So, I mean, you know, the concern laid with you.
Donna: Eric, it's not a date.
Eric: It's not- I know. I know it's not a date. It's not a date. It's a shrimp fest. A festival of shrimp, if you will.
Donna: Exactly.