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‘Uncomfortable Ball Stuff’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Uncomfortable Ball Stuff

407. Uncomfortable Ball Stuff

Aired November 13, 2001

Donna agrees to join Eric at the Price Mart ball after making it clear she is over their relationship. Meanwhile, Fez gets a job working with Hyde and Leo at the Fotohut.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Ah, women. Am I right, guys? Ah, who am I kidding? There's no woman for Fez. What must Fez do to get a woman?
Hyde: Well, for one thing, he's gotta cut out that third-person crap. It's weird. You are Fez. You know something else? Shoes say a lot about a man. In your case, your chukka boots are screaming "virgin."
Fez: Damn you, boots. What else have you told them?

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Quote from Fez

Fez: How am I supposed to afford new boots? My Bible-thumping host parents won't give me an allowance because I am a pagan.
Hyde: You know, Leo's looking for help down at the Fotohut.
Fez: The Fotohut, huh? I can really "picture" myself there. That job and I will really "click." Oh, I am on a "roll"... of film. [Hyde punches Fez's arm] Ow. Don't be so "negative." [chuckles] I am the king.

Quote from Leo

Leo: You sure you wanna get in the Fotohut game? It can chew you up and spit you out like a stick of gum. Or something that seemed edible till you put it in your mouth and then you realized it's not. Or a stick of gum.
Fez: What kind of gum?
Leo: Big Red.
Fez: Oh, that's fine.
Leo: Okay, you're hired. But you're on probation. No, wait. I'm on probation. Oh, wow. I gotta go see my probation officer.
Fez: So he's my new boss?
Hyde: Welcome to paradise.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Ta-da!
Hyde: [wakes up] Quitting time, chief?
Fez: No. I devised a system to streamline our operations. From now on, all orders will be filed alphabetically.
Hyde: So the size of a customer's boobs?
Fez: No longer a factor. You see, it saves time. And time, my friend, is money. But money is not time. You'd think it would go both ways, but it doesn't.

Quote from Leo

Leo: I don't like what's goin' on here, man. That little dude's making us all look bad. I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.
Hyde: Leo, you are the boss.
Fez: [through the window] Did you fire him yet? I'll take his shifts.
Leo: Hey, dude, man. I think we decided that you're fired.
Fez: Oh. Well, that's a cold slap in the groin. How am I supposed to afford my new boots?
Leo: Here. Just do what I do, man. Just get some money out of the register when the boss isn't looking.
Hyde: Once again, Leo, you are the boss.
Leo: And I'm not looking.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Isn't this nice?
Red: Okay, Kitty. Enough jawing. Drinks are only free for the first two hours.
Kitty: Oh, do you think they have peach schnapps? Peach is my favorite schnapp.

Quote from Bob

[Bob picks up a big stack of TV meals from the frozen foods aisle]
Bob: My wife left me. I don't cook. I don't shop. I'm hungry. This place scares me, and I like Salisbury steak.
Joanne: So you don't cook or shop, and your idea of a nice meal is gristly hamburger smothered in goo? What woman could let all that go?
Bob: Hey, I've got an upside. Th-There are things.
Joanne: I know. You're a good guy- a good, old-fashioned, out-of-touch, Stone Age guy. But, you know, there's nothing wrong with you that changing yourself completely couldn't fix.
Bob: Thank you.
Joanne: [laughs] Here. In the meantime, have a pretzel. I can tell you haven't eaten anything.
Bob: I am pretty hungry.
Joanne: Oh, never shop when you're hungry, 'cause you'll end up at home with 15 Salisbury steaks. Give me those.
Bob: See, the problem is I have a daughter at home. I think I'm gonna have to start feeding her. I don't think I can do this.
Joanne: Of course you can't. Lucky for you, I'm here. Now, we just gotta find everything you need to make a meat loaf.
Bob: Wow. You're gonna make me a meat loaf?
Joanne: No. You're gonna make me a meat loaf.
Bob: Okay, but sometimes I burn myself on the oven. I'm, uh- I'm Bob.
Joanne: Joanne. Now haul ass, Bob.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Hey, Fez seeing you wear those chukkas makes me wanna up-chukka.
Hyde: Nice.
Kelso: Yeah. It's like I ate too many "chukkalate" chip cookies.
Hyde: Okay.
Kelso: Yeah, how much wood could a "woodchukka" chukka-
Hyde: Hey. Shut the chukka up.

Quote from Red

Donna: Wow. This is a really nice dress.
Kitty: I know. Isn't it fancy? [laughs] It's for the Price Mart Ball tomorrow night.
Eric: Oh, right, the Price Mart Ball.
Kitty: So who you taking? Who's the lucky lady?
Eric: Oh, well, I decided not to go. Personal choice.
Red: You don't have a date, do you?
Eric: Okay. You know what? It's not about, "Can I get a date?" It's about this great book that I'm, like, halfway through. Plus, you know, I could get a date. [Red laughs] I've got numbers, buddy.
Kitty: Sure you do, honey. You're number one with me. [laughs]
Red: You're going tomorrow night. And you'd better not go stag, Eric. There's nothing worse than an 80-pound boy dancing with his mommy all night.

Quote from Eric

Donna: You know what? [clears throat] I'll go. I told you I would, like, months ago.
Eric: But that was before the... ugliness.
Donna: Eric, I'm over it. Hey, I'm over it. Oh, I'm- I'm over it. Plus, I mean, last year they had all-you-can-eat shrimp.
Eric: Well, I mean, you know, I'm over it. Hey, I'm over it. Yeah, I'm over it. I was just worried that you might think it was weird, us going out on a date. So, I mean, you know, the concern laid with you.
Donna: Eric, it's not a date.
Eric: It's not- I know. I know it's not a date. It's not a date. It's a shrimp fest. A festival of shrimp, if you will.
Donna: Exactly.

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