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‘Don't Lie to Me’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Don't Lie to Me

712. Don't Lie to Me

Aired January 5, 2005

When Jackie returns a pair of Donna's shoes to a bridal shop, she pretends to be Donna so she can attend a big wedding expo. Meanwhile, Hyde forms a pact with Eric to break Kelso and Angie up.

Quote from Red

Donna: Well, I have one last wedding thing to return, and once this is done, the only thing I'll have left to remind me we almost got married will be you.
Eric: Aw.
Kitty: Well, I wish Eric had shown up for your wedding. The sales lady said my mother-of-the-groom dress took five pounds off me. [chuckles] Five pounds.
Eric: Okay, what happened to my nice breakfast? I thought we were done with this whole wedding deal.
Red: Women are never done with it, son. Anything wrong you do, they sit on it for 25 years like an egg. And then it hatches on Super Bowl Sunday.


Quote from Kelso

Angie: Well, thanks for dinner.
Kelso: Thanks for dessert.
Angie: Thanks for breakfast.
Kelso: Thanks for dessert. [they kiss]
Hyde: Congratulations, Angie. You just got four different kinds of herpes.
Kelso: Hey, Hyde, I just learned something very important. You know that saying, "It's like kissing your sister"? Well, it's totally wrong 'cause kissing your sister is great.

Quote from Jackie

Stacy Wanamaker: I just know how complete being married has made me, and I always feel so sad when I see girls your age, whose window to find that kind of happiness is so, so small.
Jackie: It is not that small.
Stacy Wanamaker: Honey, I've seen a lot of girls like you who wasted years on a guy who never came through, and before you know it, you're past your expiration date.
Jackie: Well, that is not gonna happen to me because... I'm still getting married. Yeah, see, I canceled the other wedding 'cause I traded in... up. Him.
Fez: Who?
Jackie: You.
Fez: What?
Jackie: Yes. Uh, this is Eduardo, and he's, um... A prince. He's the prince of Mexico.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Hey. Oh, uh, Hyde, Angie can't make it to the movie with you because, uh... Well, I plumb wore her out.
Hyde: Kelso, Jackie and I are fighting right now, and I'm in a really bad mood. So if you don't stop nailing my sister, I'm gonna have to smack you in the head with my car.
Kelso: Actually, you can't do anything to me, because after you stole Jackie from me, we made a pact not to Interfere with each other's pursuit of a chick. [clicks tongue]
Donna: I negotiated the pact, which mainly consisted of Kelso telling me to tell Hyde to sit on it.
Eric: How come you guys always have pacts? You never give me a pact. I want a pact.
Kelso: Well, I would love to stick around and chat, but I gotta go home and take a shower 'cause Hyde's sister wears a lot of perfume, and she was all over me. [exits]
Hyde: Freaking pact.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: Oh, perfect, everyone's here. Wow, look at all of us just "pact" right in here, huh? Mom, Dad, you remember Angie.
Angie: Of course they remember me. I'm the only Black girl in town. Hello. [Kitty chuckles]
Eric: Funny thing about Angie, she dates Kelso.
Kitty: Oh, honey.
Red: Tough break.
Eric: So, anyone have any stories about Angie's new boyfriend and some of his crazy antics?
Red: What do you want? I got one with water, one with fire, one where he burned himself under water.
Kitty: Oh, okay, I got a good one.
[flashback to Kitty following the cord of her blender out to the driveway:]
Kitty: Michael, what are you doing with my blender?
Kelso: Don't worry, it's not what you think. I'm making a blender rocket.
Kitty: I couldn't have daiquiris for a week.

Quote from Donna

Red: I've got a better one.
[flashback to Red walking into the kitchen:]
Red: Kelso, it's 6:00 in the morning. Someone glue you to the fridge?
Kelso: No.
Red: Kelso, did you glue yourself to the fridge?
Kelso: Yes.
[After Kelso opens the refrigerator door for Red, Red grabs a carton of orange juice and slams the door shut, ripping Kelso's hand off the handle]
Kelso: [groans] Thanks, man.
Angie: Why does he glue himself to stuff?
Kitty: Because he's a big dumb-dumb.
Eric: Next.
Donna: Okay, I got one.
[flashback to Donna walking out of the Formans' house:]
Kelso: Donna, check it out. I invented car skiing. [Donna gets into the car] Hit it, toots.
Donna: You know, if there's anything he should have glued himself to, it was probably the top of that car.

Quote from Kitty

Angie: Steven, why are you doing this?
Hyde: Doing what? Forman's doing it.
Angie: Clearly, you're in charge.
Eric: Whoa. It's my pact, I... Why wouldn't you think I'm in charge?
Kitty: Oh, it's probably because of your narrow shoulders, honey. They just don't shout "leader," you know.

Quote from Jackie

Hyde: Hey, what's up?
Jackie: Nothing.
Hyde: Usually when I ask that question, you don't stop talking till I pretend to fall asleep.
Jackie: Ah, well, not today.
Hyde: You look guilty. What did you do? Fez, what did she do?
Fez: Oh, I wasn't listening. I was thinking about this prince named Eduardo and his lunatic queen.
Jackie: Seriously, Steven, everything's fine.
Hyde: All right, but I'm telling you, there's gonna be hell to pay if you've donated all my clothes to the Goodwill again.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: I called Angie, like, 20 times, and she won't even answer the phone.
Eric: Wow, I guess something really turned her off. Something incredibly powerful. [Eric flexes]
Kelso: All right. So I've narrowed it down to two reasons why Angie might have broken up with me. She's either a lesbian or a robot.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: I can't believe they put us at table seven. I went to high school with the bride's mother. That's it, I'm milking the open bar as punishment.
Red: Well, hell, we could have stayed home for that.

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