Kelso: This chapter just helped me figure out the answer to you and Donna's problem, vis-a-vis your crappy score.
Eric: "Vis-a-vis"?
Kelso: It's a PBS word, Eric. Stay with me here. Yeah, I liken your situation to that of Pavlov's dog. You see, Pavlov was this science guy and every time his dog would ring a bell, Pavlov would eat.
Eric: Are you sure it was the dog who rang the bell?
Kelso: Yeah. I mean, who else would it be?
Eric: Pavlov?
Kelso: Well, that wouldn't be a trick, Eric. I mean, what man can't ring a bell? Anyway, every time that dog would ring that bell, old Pavlov would eat, and then he would drool.

Kitty: You know, maybe Eric's bad score is a blessing. It'll be a good story when he's a senator.
Red: "Senator"? The word you're looking for is "janitor."
Kitty: Okay, see? That's why Eric did so poorly on that test. It's because you're too hard on him.
Red: I have to be hard on him, 'cause you always baby him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: You were hard on him when he was a baby.

Eric: Ground me.
Red: What?
Eric: I am not strong enough. If I'm gonna shake this Donna thing, I am gonna need some serious discipline. Please ground me.
Red: You got it, pal. You're grounded.
Eric: One more thing. Donna's in the kitchen. I need you to get rid of her for me.
Red: Do I have to be nice about it?
Eric: No.
Red: This is the happiest day of my life.

Kitty: So what's wrong with you and Donna?
Eric: She did better than me on that test and I'm sorry, but that is just not gonna fly because I am the man and the man's the man, and that's just the way it is.
Kitty: Well, honey, everybody has different skills. I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married, how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders has your father killed? Hundreds.
Eric: But, Mom, spiders freak me out.
Kitty: We all have different qualities. But the thing to remember is how you do on some silly test is much less important than how you behave in real life. I'll take a dummy over a jackass any day.
Eric: So am I a dummy or a jackass?
Kitty: Well, honey, right now you're both.

Donna: Eric. Eric, my entire life, everywhere I've gone and everything I've done has been better because you were there with me and no test score is gonna change that.
Eric: Wow. That was amazing. Did you come up with that yourself?
Donna: Well, I saw Mr. Ingalls say it to Mary on Little House on the Prairie.
Eric: Hmm.
Donna: I just made it a test score instead of blindness. But I- I still think it's true.
Eric: So, you're still glad we're engaged?
Donna: Of course.
Eric: Good. Hey, speaking of Little House, did you ever see that one where Laura accidentally told Kelso, Hyde, Fez and Jackie that she was engaged to Donna?
Donna: Eric, are you kidding me? God. You can't even keep a secret?
Eric: Hey, Donna, I got an 800. We're lucky I can wash myself, okay?

Kitty: Eric. Eric, honey. I got the mail and your S.A.T. envelope happened to be open and the letter just sort of slid into my hand and I accidentally put on my reading glasses, and I saw your score. You got an 800!
Eric: I got an 800? That's it?
Kitty: "That's it?" If one hundred's an "A," eight of them is an A-plus-plus.
Jackie: No. No, Mrs. Forman. An 800's not good. I mean, a pigeon can peck a better score than that.
Kitty: Really?
Jackie: Donna did better. Fez did too. And his whole country's made of bamboo.
Kitty: This is awkward. [laughs] I'll just, um... I'll go home and take down the streamers.

Bob: So the S.A.T.'s proved it. Donna's the smart one. Eric, on the other hand... Well, I don't wanna say there's a dumb one... but there's two, and he ain't the smart one.

Red: That's where you're wrong, Bob. Eric got an A-plus-plus.
Kitty: Oh, uh no, see, uh, Red it turns out Eric still did very well. It's just, some other people did better.
Red: Donna?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Steven?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Not the foreign kid.
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Kelso?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: He did worse than Kelso? I watched that kid glue his hand to his face.

Eric: Oh, my God. Donna does gum up the works.
Red: See? Now use what little brains you've got and hit the books, dumbass.

Kelso: He doesn't have potential. I have potential. Like, I'm reading Moby Dick, and I'm not even halfway through and I can already tell you the ending. The whale is a robot.