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‘The Crunge’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: The Crunge

510. The Crunge

Aired December 17, 2002

Eric is determined to buckle down after he gets the lowest S.A.T. score of his friends, including Kelso.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: This chapter just helped me figure out the answer to you and Donna's problem, vis-a-vis your crappy score.
Eric: "Vis-a-vis"?
Kelso: It's a PBS word, Eric. Stay with me here. Yeah, I liken your situation to that of Pavlov's dog. You see, Pavlov was this science guy and every time his dog would ring a bell, Pavlov would eat.
Eric: Are you sure it was the dog who rang the bell?
Kelso: Yeah. I mean, who else would it be?
Eric: Pavlov?
Kelso: Well, that wouldn't be a trick, Eric. I mean, what man can't ring a bell? Anyway, every time that dog would ring that bell, old Pavlov would eat, and then he would drool.

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Quote from Kitty

Kitty: You know, maybe Eric's bad score is a blessing. It'll be a good story when he's a senator.
Red: "Senator"? The word you're looking for is "janitor."
Kitty: Okay, see? That's why Eric did so poorly on that test. It's because you're too hard on him.
Red: I have to be hard on him, 'cause you always baby him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: Because you're so hard on him.
Red: You babied him before I was hard on him.
Kitty: You were hard on him when he was a baby.

Quote from Red

Eric: Ground me.
Red: What?
Eric: I am not strong enough. If I'm gonna shake this Donna thing, I am gonna need some serious discipline. Please ground me.
Red: You got it, pal. You're grounded.
Eric: One more thing. Donna's in the kitchen. I need you to get rid of her for me.
Red: Do I have to be nice about it?
Eric: No.
Red: This is the happiest day of my life.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: So what's wrong with you and Donna?
Eric: She did better than me on that test and I'm sorry, but that is just not gonna fly because I am the man and the man's the man, and that's just the way it is.
Kitty: Well, honey, everybody has different skills. I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married, how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders has your father killed? Hundreds.
Eric: But, Mom, spiders freak me out.
Kitty: We all have different qualities. But the thing to remember is how you do on some silly test is much less important than how you behave in real life. I'll take a dummy over a jackass any day.
Eric: So am I a dummy or a jackass?
Kitty: Well, honey, right now you're both.

Quote from Donna

Donna: Eric. Eric, my entire life, everywhere I've gone and everything I've done has been better because you were there with me and no test score is gonna change that.
Eric: Wow. That was amazing. Did you come up with that yourself?
Donna: Well, I saw Mr. Ingalls say it to Mary on Little House on the Prairie.
Eric: Hmm.
Donna: I just made it a test score instead of blindness. But I- I still think it's true.
Eric: So, you're still glad we're engaged?
Donna: Of course.
Eric: Good. Hey, speaking of Little House, did you ever see that one where Laura accidentally told Kelso, Hyde, Fez and Jackie that she was engaged to Donna?
Donna: Eric, are you kidding me? God. You can't even keep a secret?
Eric: Hey, Donna, I got an 800. We're lucky I can wash myself, okay?

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Eric. Eric, honey. I got the mail and your S.A.T. envelope happened to be open and the letter just sort of slid into my hand and I accidentally put on my reading glasses, and I saw your score. You got an 800!
Eric: I got an 800? That's it?
Kitty: "That's it?" If one hundred's an "A," eight of them is an A-plus-plus.
Jackie: No. No, Mrs. Forman. An 800's not good. I mean, a pigeon can peck a better score than that.
Kitty: Really?
Jackie: Donna did better. Fez did too. And his whole country's made of bamboo.
Kitty: This is awkward. [laughs] I'll just, um... I'll go home and take down the streamers.

Quote from Bob

Bob: So the S.A.T.'s proved it. Donna's the smart one. Eric, on the other hand... Well, I don't wanna say there's a dumb one... but there's two, and he ain't the smart one.

Quote from Red

Red: That's where you're wrong, Bob. Eric got an A-plus-plus.
Kitty: Oh, uh no, see, uh, Red it turns out Eric still did very well. It's just, some other people did better.
Red: Donna?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Steven?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Not the foreign kid.
Kitty: Yes.
Red: Kelso?
Kitty: Yes.
Red: He did worse than Kelso? I watched that kid glue his hand to his face.

Quote from Red

Eric: Oh, my God. Donna does gum up the works.
Red: See? Now use what little brains you've got and hit the books, dumbass.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: He doesn't have potential. I have potential. Like, I'm reading Moby Dick, and I'm not even halfway through and I can already tell you the ending. The whale is a robot.

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