Fez: I am so excited about Star Whores.
Hyde: Fezzie, man, it's Star Wars.
Fez: Screw that.

Kitty: Where's Eric?
Red: Uh... I don't know.
Kitty: I think you do know, Red.
Red: All right, Kitty. Some kid's been hitting on Donna so he went to fight him. But it's no big deal.
Kitty: No big deal? You men are such Neanderthals! Fighting over a woman. It's ridiculous. It's like that time at that beach when that lifeguard pinched my fanny. You just had to lay him out, didn't you?
Red: Well, yeah.
Kitty: Well, how do you think I felt, Red? Watching you stand over that poor man, your eyes burning with intensity, your- your suntanned muscles gleaming like a bronzed god.
[Red and Kitty turn to each other and then run up the stairs]

Kelso: There's no way it's better than The Planet of the Apes. I mean, those apes were really good actors.

[dream sequence:]
Red: Now remember, a Jedi is his own master. His own master. His own master. A Jedi's power lies within his own-
Eric: Are you even listening to me? What? Yes. You were saying: "May the force be with me."
Red: No, I did not. Jedi Knight. [scoffs] Jedi dumbass.
Hyde: Luke, man I don't mean to bum you out, but I just saw Princess Leia cruise around with Darth Vader in his tie-fighter. Right, Chewie?
Kelso: [growls] Man, this totally sucks! I should be Han.
Hyde: Hey, quit whining. [punches Kelso]
Kitty: Will somebody get that? You know what? Why don't I just get it myself? [laughs] Honey, it's Darth Vader.
Eric: Thanks, Mom.
Jackie: Oh, my God you guys just gotta come over to the dark side.
Fez: They have free food.
Eric: All right, what have you done with Princess Leia?
Donna: Hey, guys.
Eric: Leia, what are you doing with Darth Vader?
Donna: Oh, we're, um, just friends, Luke. He's nice. I think you'd really like him.
Eric: No, I wouldn't!
David: Give me a chance, Luke.
Eric: [chokes] Look. Hello? He's choking me with his mind, here. That's, like, yeah, evil. [all laugh]

Bob: Oh, no, no, no. Donna's not going near that pretzel boy. No, no. You've got to nip this in the bud, Eric.
Red: All right. All right. The bridge of the nose is very vulnerable.
Bob: Oh, oh. And hit him with a banjo.
Red: A banjo, Bob?
Bob: What? I'm helping.
Red: Where is he gonna get a banjo?
Bob: I don't know. But I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down.
Red: Hitting a guy with a banjo is dirty. You wanna knee him in the groin.
Bob: You can hit him in the groin with a banjo.

Kitty: That voice. Oh. James Earl Jones!
Red: Eric actually liked this? That kid's on dope. Whoa.

Hyde: Hey, Forman, man, this thing better be good. If I don't see some space jugs, I'm gonna be super-pissed.

Eric: And then they go into this bar and there are all these space creatures, and then, someone makes the mistake of picking on Obi-Wan Kenobi. And then, he takes out his lightsaber and he goes "whoosh" and he chops this guy's arm right off, 'cause it's a saber that's made out of light.
Kitty: Well, you know, this doesn't sound like a nice movie. Now, The Way We Were, that's a nice movie.
Laurie: So, Eric, you gonna get yourself some Star Wars pajamas now?

Red: Kitty, I'm going back to work, full-time.
Kitty: Oh, my God, you're kidding.
Red: No, I ran into Ron Milbank at the K-Mart and he's moved back to re-open the plant.
Kitty: Oh. Oh, this is a godsend. Oh. And to think how close we came to losing the house.
Eric: Losing the- Mom, you said we were fine.
Kitty: Oh, Eric, honey, I lied.

Donna: David Milbank? Oh, barf. Eric, remember when you beat him up on the playground?
Eric: Yep. I kicked his ass.
Jackie: Wait, wasn't he the kid with scoliosis and asthma?
Eric: Yep. And I kicked his ass.