Donna: Why can't my dad just see that Pam is a total gold digger?
Jackie: Oh, would you stop saying that?
Fez: Hey, either she digs for gold or she doesn't. It's easy to check. Are her boots muddy? Does she carry a pickaxe? When she comes home does she say, "Tough day at the gold mine"?
Jackie: No, Fez, a gold digger is what these idiots call a woman who knows that love eventually wears off, but money is forever.

Hyde: I mean, how does Bob pull all these foxes like Midge and Pam? He's got to have something the ladies can't resist. Hey, Donna, you ever see your dad naked?
Donna: Oh, my God! Can we please talk about anything besides that?
Fez: You're way off, Hyde. Women love Bob for his sense of humor. That sucker is funnier than a Dixie cup.
Kelso: No. All right, how it works is relationships are based on a point system. All right, see, Pam is good-looking. So that's 20 points. And Bob, he's like the nicest guy in the world. So that's like, what? Like a point. But Bob's got money, and that's 19 points. And altogether that's 20. Now, you add the whole thing together, and that's 40, which is incidentally almost half my score.

Bob: Did you tell Fez to make a move on Pam? 'Cause if you didn't, I'm gonna box him up and send him back to banana town.
Fez: Okay, I'm sick of those comments. I don't say I'm gonna send you back to polyester town.

Donna: You know, my dad dating your mom goes against all the laws of nature. I mean, you don't see a giraffe with a panda bear. You know, my dad being the cute, fuzzy panda bear, and your mom being the evil, money-hungry, unnaturally tanned giraffe.
Jackie: Well, I've had it with them, too. Last night, your dad burped in front of my mom. And she laughed, Donna, laughed. Okay, we are Burkharts. We don't burp, and we don't tolerate people who do.

Kitty: Oh, I cannot believe you kids trying to sneak off with my good gin.
Kelso: Yeah, I should have known. She can smell booze from a mile away.
Kitty: Excuse me?
Kelso: Oh, I said, you smell like booze from a mile away.
Red: That's worse, dumbass.

Red: [sings] When the shark bites with his teeth, dear
Kitty: Ah, you're awfully happy.
Red: We're having a cocktail party. What's not to be happy about?
Kitty: Red, the last time we had a party, you called the cops and had them tow everyone's car.
Red: Drunk people looking for their cars, that was funny.
Kitty: Oh, you're just giddy because Bob's bringing his pretty new girlfriend over.
Red: Oh, Kitty, don't be ridiculous. I'm just happy. Now why do you want to ruin my happiness?
Kitty: Because that's what a wife does.

Red: Pam, come on in. I made your favorite drink. Tequila Sunrise.
Pamela: Red, always the gentleman.
Red: Yeah, well.
Kitty: Red, Red... Honey, where's my favorite drink?
Red: I didn't know you had a favorite drink, Kitty, seeing as how much you like all drinks.
Bob: I'll take a drink, Red.
Red: Beer is in the garage, Bob.

Pamela: Oh, what a lovely evening. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I was with rich people.
Bob: Oh, she's got it all, looks and beauty.

Eric: I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was Bob. I wonder if she'd like to watch The Graduate with me some night.
Kelso: You know, one time, back when I was dating Jackie, Pam was trying to wash her car, right, and she leaned over and like squeezed out the sponge. That's all I remember, 'cause I rode my bike straight into a tree.

Eric: Well, good party. Good party. When Pam and I were dancing, she "accidentally" brushed my butt.
Hyde: And tell them what happened after that.
Eric: Well, then I said, "Hey, you can squeeze my butt anytime." And then it got really quiet. And then she walked over to Bob, and they were talking and pointing at me.
Hyde: Then you tried to laugh it off and you spit dip up on your shirt. Then you tried to do that joke where you scoop the dip off your shirt with the chip, and no one laughed. And here we are.