Eric: [whistles]
Red: Do you know the great thing about whistling? You can stop whistling.
Eric: Sorry.
Red: Eric, bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else, I'm gonna...
Eric: Kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Red: Jeez. And I didn't think you were listening.

Kitty: Hi. How was your day?
Red: I had to let Earl go.
Eric: Let Earl go? You yelled at him until he cried.
Red: Hey. What kind of a man cries after only 15 minutes of yelling?
Eric: Well, I'm sorry. I don't like the way you handled Earl. Dad, he was your friend.
Kitty: Eric, hush, hush, hush, hush.
Red: Eric, work is work. You don't show up late, you don't make excuses, and you don't not work. If it wasn't work, they wouldn't call it work. They'd call it super, wonderful, crazy fun time. Or skippity-doo. Oh, jeez. Why the hell am I even talking to you?

Laurie: Hey! This is my house.
Jackie: So what? Eric wants me here. Don't you, Eric?
Eric: Why, yes, I do.
Laurie: You better watch your back.
Jackie: Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on yours.
Kelso: Oh. Burn! [laughs] Hey, I'm sorry. I just got swept away by the super-good burn.
Laurie: Shut up!

Kelso: Hey, Jackie.
Jackie: Michael, why don't you save the sweet stuff for the next idiot who's dumb enough to date you?
Fez: You know, Jackie, if you're in the market for a new lover, they say once you go Fez, you never go back. In my language, that rhymes.

Red: Eric, if you don't want to wear your ass for a hat, you'll get up here, pronto.

Laurie: Hi, Kelso. Did you buy me those?
Kelso: Yeah, just like you told me.
Laurie: No. I told you roses. Come on, doofus.
Hyde: No offense, Mrs. Forman, but, those two could make the dumbest babies ever.
Kitty: [laughs] That's not funny.

Kitty: Oh, Eric. Why'd you have to go and upset your father?
Eric: I can't have my own opinion without him tearing my head off?
Kitty: No. And I think at your age, you should know that by now.
Eric: Well... No, mom, no. Uh-uh. Man, we had such a good thing going at work, and he just wrecked that. And by the way, without Earl, I'm back to dumbass. He's just mean.
Kitty: Oh, you shut your porky mouth, mister.
Eric: Well, then, it just stinks because, you know what? This is the first time we were ever like, you know, cool with each other. Man, why does he have to be such a hardass all the time?
Kitty: Oh, come on, Eric. That's how he expresses himself. That's how he's always expressed himself. Your father yells at you because he cares.
Eric: Yeah, right. Well, if that's true, then... Then...
Red: [imaginary] "Stand up straight." "You're a dumbass." "You call this a report card?" "Hands above the covers."
Eric: Huh. I guess he really, really cares.
Kitty: And... if not, you're moving out soon.

Red: What the hell were you doing in the shower so long? You know it wastes water, and it might make me late. In fact, I am definitely not gonna be the first person there. You know how that makes me look? Damn it. You've got to grow up and learn some responsibility.
Eric: I love you, too, Dad.
Red: What? Stop being weird.
Eric: Thanks.

Fez: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? One. Two. Ah, screw it. Ow, my tooth. Why did I bite?

Hyde: Poor Forman, huh? Working for Red like that? I wouldn't wish that on my enemies.
Fez: I would. Those suckers must pay.