Quote from It's Only Rock and Roll
Eric: Look, Mom, maybe you should stop worrying about everyone else so much and start thinking about yourself. Maybe you should find something to enrich your life. Oh, may I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?
Red: And may I suggest the footing of your ass?
Eric: This is not the ass you're looking for. See, now you don't know what to do.
Quote from (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
Eric: Okay, you guys, I made a list of all the things I wanna do on my year off. Check out number five.
Fez: "Jump into my car through the window like the Duke boys."
Eric: No, no, no, no. No, I already did that. That should be crossed off. Number six.
Donna: "Vandalize a local business"?
Eric: Yes, and today I happened to see an out-of-business muffler shop. Imagine the muffler shop signs with the "L-E-R" scratched off the word "muffler."
Donna: Eric, no, that's gross.
Fez: What's gross? I don't get it. I want to know what's gross.
Eric: Replace your old "muffler" without the "ler."
Fez: "Replace your old muff..." Oh, I get it. I get it.
Quote from Till the Next Goodbye
Eric: Crap, it's almost time for me to go get my shots. Yeah, why do I have to get shots anyway? So I get Yellow Fever. I could use a little color.
Fez: You guys, this might be our last circle together. We're growing up. I mean, these two have jobs, and Eric is off to start his life, and I'm doing more shaving than ever.
Kelso: Eric, I know you're scared of getting your shots. So I'm gonna be a pal and get them with you, 'cause I owe you for that time that I chucked that dead raccoon at you, and then it turned out to not be dead. And then it bit you, and then you kicked it back at me, and then it bit me, and then we both had to go and get rabies shots.
Hyde: [laughs] Remember, on the way to the hospital, Kelso saw that dog, and he jumped out of the car 'cause he wanted to go pet it, but he forgot the car was moving, and he broke his arm? That was the funniest, bloodiest, most rabies-filled day ever.
Eric: Look at us. Best friends offering to help each other. You know, we always have to remember this moment.
[As Red stands behind Eric in the circle, Fez, Kelso and Hyde look up in awe]
Red: Upstairs, now.
Eric: I am in huge trouble. [laughs]
Quote from Ski Trip
Red: Well, here's your emergency roadside kit.
Eric: Kitty litter? Oh, kitty litter. Right.
Kitty: Um, honey, I put some sandwiches in your duffel bag. Now, why do you need such a big bag of oregano?
Eric: Donna's Italian. [both laugh]
Kitty: Okay, stay warm.
Quote from Whole Lotta Love
Hyde: Forman, why'd you have to tell Red you got engaged? Look at him, yelling and waving. Oh! A little spit just landed on Bob. Bob's so scared, he's not even wiping it off.
Eric: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This time Red is really gonna kill me. My only hope is that he actually sticks his foot so far up my ass... he can't pull it out, and I get to take him straight to hell with me.
Quote from Jackie Moves On
Eric: Well, I know some pretty horrible things about you, too, little lady. Fellas... Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes, and shoulder blades.
Laurie: In the fifth grade, Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit 'cause a girl kicked sand in his face.
Eric: You stuffed in high school.
Laurie: So did you.
Eric: Last year, Laurie used all of her birthday money to buy a back massager. Which isn't fooling anyone, by the way.
Laurie: Well... That's not as bad as when I walked in on you in bed with your Dorothy Hamill poster, and you were all...
Eric: Laurie was born with a tail! [Fez gasps]
Eric: Yeah, Laurie was born with a tail.
Laurie: I hate you! [runs out]
Eric: It's true.
Quote from Romantic Weekend
Hyde: I think what he's trying to say is the rabbit wouldn't come out of the hat.
Eric: The weasel wouldn't pop.
Hyde: The alphabet soup never spelled "go."
Kelso: Okay! All right! Enough!
Eric: Actually, not quite. There are a lot of Amish people but they never raised a barn.
Hyde: Forman, man, that was awesome.
Eric: Hey. It just came to me.
Fez: Oh, I get it. The barn is Kelso's pants.
Kelso: Okay! You guys, this is not funny! This is, like, a nightmare.
Fez: Yes. Eric, stop teasing. Kelso, I want you to know that I feel bad for you and that I am sorry... [shouts] you are not a man!
Quote from The Battle of Evermore
Red: You know, we're getting killed here thanks to your screwing up that last event. All you had to do was build a cabin out of Lincoln Logs.
Eric: Well, I thought I'd score some extra points by building the Millennium Falcon.
Red: The Millennium what? If that's a Star Wars thing, I'm gonna kick you in the ass.
Eric: It's not a Star Wars thing. It's a very rare falcon that can do the Kessel Run in under six parsecs.
Quote from Street Fighting Man
Red: Eric, how the hell can you wear a Bears jersey at a Packer game?
Donna: Okay, maybe he doesn't understand why it's wrong. Let me tell you in a way how you can understand. The Packers are like the Jedi, and you're wearing a "Go Darth Vader" jersey.
Eric: Donna, that's ridiculous. The Jedi don't play football. They play Manuku.
Hyde: Forman, this is worse than when you wore the Air Supply T-shirt to the Aerosmith concert.
Red: For God sakes, will you just take the damn jersey off?
Eric: No. You know what? I like rooting for the underdog, okay? I am the underdog in real life. I like Charlie Brown.
I like The Little Engine That Could. I like the Bears.
Quote from That '70s Finale
Hyde: Guys, I think it's time we honor all the brain cells that survived the '70s. Despite our best efforts, some of those bastards pulled through. Tonight, they're going down.
Fez: Die, brain cells, die! And you're next, liver.
Hyde: Hey, did you guys hear about that car that runs on water? It's got a fiberglass air-cooled engine and it runs on water, man!
Kelso: It's like we never run out of things to talk about down here.
[Jackie and Donna stand behind Kelso]
Jackie: I knew you burnouts would be down here.
Donna: You guys, it's almost midnight. Mrs. Forman is pouring the champagne. [circle ends]
Eric: Hey, guys, last one up the stairs has to call Red a dumbass.
[As everyone runs up stairs, Hyde grabs Kelso and knocks him to the floor before running up the stairs]
Kelso: Oh, man.
All: [o.s.] Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
[The That '70s Show license plate shows with the validation sticker changed to 80]