Donna: So, what do you guys want to do when you graduate?
Eric: Oh, um... Not touch dead people, ever.
Fez: I want to go back to my homeland with all that knowledge I have learned in Wisconsin and rule with an iron fist.

Red: Come on, Jackie! Harder! Come on, give it all you got. Yeah!
Jackie: Oh, my God, I did it! I did it! I'm changing a tire! [gasps] I feel like Nancy Drew.
Red: Well, a girl needs to know what to do in an emergency. You know, I'm surprised your father hasn't taught you this already.
Jackie: Yeah. Well, Daddy works really hard, so he doesn't spend a lot of time with me. But he did promise me a Mustang for my birthday. So I love him.
Red: You know, Jackie, I've been a father a long time, so trust me when I tell you this. The Mustang's front end is problematic. Get yourself a Firebird.

Bob: You picked a good day to do this, Donna. We're starting a three-day promotional sale. You'll finally get to see why they call me Bargain Bob.
Donna: Yeah, Dad, 'cause that's been a real stumper.
Bob: [chuckles] Ooh, you're such a cutie. Well, you keep your eyes peeled and your pencil sharp because you're gonna learn how a serious businessman operates. Oh, good, the clowns are here.

Hyde: Red. Forman around?
Red: No, he's with his mom for Career Day. Which is where you're supposed to be. What's the deal?
Hyde: Man. Edna's riding me again about being just like my dad. So I just took off.
Red: Didn't your dad, uh, take off?
Hyde: Huh. Irony. Far out.
Red: Look, you and your mom have a bad history. And neither of you can nurture the other's self esteem because you've both been damaged by past criticism and shame.
Hyde: Are you okay?
Red: Well, I'm working half-days, so I watch a lot of Donahue.

Donna: Okay, next question: "What has this job taught you?"
Bob: One thing I've learned: Midgets make money. I don't know why, but people see a midget, they wanna buy a blender. I guess it reminds them that life is short. [laughs] Write, write, write.
Donna: [inner monologue] Marketing is important. Know your customer.
Bob: Hey, that's not what I said. None of this is what I said.
Donna: Well, sure it is, Dad. I mean, I just cleaned up the language a bit to make you sound more... dignified.
Bob: Dignified? What- What are you saying? You're embarrassed by me? What have I ever done that's embarrassing?
Donna: Just look around.
Bob: All right. Let me tell you what I see. You see clowns, I see your tuition at Harvard. You see your dad as a ringmaster, I see you going to grad school. You see a chimpanzee in a tutu. Okay, that just makes me laugh.
Donna: The chimp is cute.
Bob: The point is, Donna, you're capable of great things. And if this is what I have to do so you can achieve them then that's what I'll do.
Donna: Thanks, Dad. I feel really bad.
Bob: Hey, hey, nobody feels really bad around Bargain Bob! Unless you got bit by a monkey.

Kitty: [sings along with radio] Bad, bad, blood, blood is taking you for a ride The only good thing about bad blood is letting it slide
Eric: Mom, how do you do this every day? You're running around and people are sick and dying-
Kitty: Doo-ron, doo-ron, di di Dit, dit, do-ron-ron Doo-ron, doo-ron, di di Dit, dit, do-ron-ron
Eric: I mean, poor Mr. Anderson. Look, you knew this guy, Mom. How do you deal with all this?
Kitty: Here we go now. Bad-
Eric: [sings] Bad-
Kitty: Blood
Eric: Blood
Both: [sing] The bitch is in her smile The lie is on her lips Such an evil child

Kelso: "Autumn is harvest time for the farmer. At dawn, my dad and I were out in the field picking carrots fresh off the trees."
Hyde: Kelso, carrots don't- That's good. You should put that down.

Red: Hold the light steady. Higher. Higher. Not in my eyes! Do I look like a carburetor?
Eric: Not, um... Not in this light.
Red: That's one.
Eric: Sorry.
Red: Jeez, Eric, you're in high school. You'd think they'd take five minutes out of teaching macrame and show you how to hold a damned flashlight!
Eric: Dad, isn't that what college is for?
Red: That's two. You wanna go for three?

Red: See, the damn thing is shot. I need a rebuild kit. We'll work on this tomorrow.
Eric: Dad, tomorrow's Career Day.
Red: Yeah, I'm working half-days. I'll be home by noon.
Eric: Uh, I think I'm gonna go to the hospital with mom.
Red: Yeah, what for?
Eric: Well, it's Career Day, not Career Half-Day. Okay, look, that's not three, that's what my teacher said...
Red: Fine, Eric. I'll fix the car and you go with your mom and see if you want to be a nurse.

Fez: Oh, I am so excited to be in the food service industry. May I cut the cheese?
Edna Hyde: Is he kidding?
Hyde: We can never tell.
Edna Hyde: Knock yourself out. But if you cut off a finger, you're out of here.