Season 1, Episode 18 - Aired February 28, 1999
It's career day at school so Eric joins Kitty at the hospital, Donna spends the day with Bob at the appliance store, Kelso tries to understand his father's office job, and Fez joins Hyde and his mom, Edna (Katey Sagal), in the school cafeteria. Meanwhile, Red shows Jackie how to maintain a car.
Quote from Fez
Donna: So, what do you guys want to do when you graduate?
Eric: Oh, um... Not touch dead people, ever.
Fez: I want to go back to my homeland with all that knowledge I have learned in Wisconsin and rule with an iron fist.
Quote from Jackie
Red: Come on, Jackie! Harder! Come on, give it all you got. Yeah!
Jackie: Oh, my God, I did it! I did it! I'm changing a tire! [gasps] I feel like Nancy Drew.
Red: Well, a girl needs to know what to do in an emergency. You know, I'm surprised your father hasn't taught you this already.
Jackie: Yeah. Well, Daddy works really hard, so he doesn't spend a lot of time with me. But he did promise me a Mustang for my birthday. So I love him.
Red: You know, Jackie, I've been a father a long time, so trust me when I tell you this. The Mustang's front end is problematic. Get yourself a Firebird.
Quote from Bob
Bob: You picked a good day to do this, Donna. We're starting a three-day promotional sale. You'll finally get to see why they call me Bargain Bob.
Donna: Yeah, Dad, 'cause that's been a real stumper.
Bob: [chuckles] Ooh, you're such a cutie. Well, you keep your eyes peeled and your pencil sharp because you're gonna learn how a serious businessman operates. Oh, good, the clowns are here.
Quote from Red
Hyde: Red. Forman around?
Red: No, he's with his mom for Career Day. Which is where you're supposed to be. What's the deal?
Hyde: Man. Edna's riding me again about being just like my dad. So I just took off.
Red: Didn't your dad, uh, take off?
Hyde: Huh. Irony. Far out.
Red: Look, you and your mom have a bad history. And neither of you can nurture the other's self esteem because you've both been damaged by past criticism and shame.
Hyde: Are you okay?
Red: Well, I'm working half-days, so I watch a lot of Donahue.
Quote from Bob
Donna: Okay, next question: "What has this job taught you?"
Bob: One thing I've learned: Midgets make money. I don't know why, but people see a midget, they wanna buy a blender. I guess it reminds them that life is short. [laughs] Write, write, write.
Donna: [inner monologue] Marketing is important. Know your customer.
Bob: Hey, that's not what I said. None of this is what I said.
Donna: Well, sure it is, Dad. I mean, I just cleaned up the language a bit to make you sound more... dignified.
Bob: Dignified? What- What are you saying? You're embarrassed by me? What have I ever done that's embarrassing?
Donna: Just look around.
Bob: All right. Let me tell you what I see. You see clowns, I see your tuition at Harvard. You see your dad as a ringmaster, I see you going to grad school. You see a chimpanzee in a tutu. Okay, that just makes me laugh.
Donna: The chimp is cute.
Bob: The point is, Donna, you're capable of great things. And if this is what I have to do so you can achieve them then that's what I'll do.
Donna: Thanks, Dad. I feel really bad.
Bob: Hey, hey, nobody feels really bad around Bargain Bob! Unless you got bit by a monkey.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: [sings along with radio] Bad, bad, blood, blood is taking you for a ride The only good thing about bad blood is letting it slide
Eric: Mom, how do you do this every day? You're running around and people are sick and dying-
Kitty: Doo-ron, doo-ron, di di Dit, dit, do-ron-ron Doo-ron, doo-ron, di di Dit, dit, do-ron-ron
Eric: I mean, poor Mr. Anderson. Look, you knew this guy, Mom. How do you deal with all this?
Kitty: Here we go now. Bad-
Eric: [sings] Bad-
Both: [sing] The bitch is in her smile The lie is on her lips Such an evil child
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: "Autumn is harvest time for the farmer. At dawn, my dad and I were out in the field picking carrots fresh off the trees."
Hyde: Kelso, carrots don't- That's good. You should put that down.
Quote from Eric
Red: Hold the light steady. Higher. Higher. Not in my eyes! Do I look like a carburetor?
Eric: Not, um... Not in this light.
Red: That's one.
Red: Jeez, Eric, you're in high school. You'd think they'd take five minutes out of teaching macrame and show you how to hold a damned flashlight!
Eric: Dad, isn't that what college is for?
Red: That's two. You wanna go for three?
Quote from Red
Red: See, the damn thing is shot. I need a rebuild kit. We'll work on this tomorrow.
Eric: Dad, tomorrow's Career Day.
Red: Yeah, I'm working half-days. I'll be home by noon.
Eric: Uh, I think I'm gonna go to the hospital with mom.
Red: Yeah, what for?
Eric: Well, it's Career Day, not Career Half-Day. Okay, look, that's not three, that's what my teacher said...
Red: Fine, Eric. I'll fix the car and you go with your mom and see if you want to be a nurse.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Oh, I am so excited to be in the food service industry. May I cut the cheese?
Edna Hyde: Is he kidding?
Hyde: We can never tell.
Edna Hyde: Knock yourself out. But if you cut off a finger, you're out of here.