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Stone Cold Crazy

‘Stone Cold Crazy’

Season 8, Episode 5 -  Aired November 30, 2005

As Donna decides to take some risque pictures to send to Eric, Kitty tries to make herself more appealing to Red. Meanwhile, Fez and Jackie become roommates. [Guest star: Don Knotts]

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, please, no! All right, Kitty, Kitty, don't panic. You know what to do. [grabs a bottle of wine]


Quote from Fez

Fez: Holy crap, it's Caroline!
Randy: Who is Caroline?
Hyde: She went out with Fez. But he broke up with her 'cause she's crazy. Which is ironic, because that's probably why she went out with him in the first place.
Fez: Guys, I can't let her see me. [holds menu in front of face] Hide me.
Randy: Where should we hide you, Fez?
Caroline: Fez!
Fez: Well played, you son of a bitch.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Oh, no, don't get up, I'm just right here anyway.
Samantha: I'll help you, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Oh, no, don't you worry, Samantha. It's just a little unbalanced because our appropriate-sized clothes are on one side and your little teeny tiny stripper clothes are on the other. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so grumpy. I got a manicure yesterday and Red still hasn't said a darn word.
Hyde: You know, if you really want him to notice you, you should get drunk and do some donuts on his lawn.
Donna: Mrs. Forman, you should change your hair. When I went blond, Eric went nuts. And then Fez went nuts and then I started wearing a lot of hats.
Kitty: No, I can't change my hair. Red loves it. It's my trademark. It'd be like telling Fonzie not to say, "Hey!"

Quote from Hyde

Samantha: Mrs. Forman, a great way to get a man's attention is to show him how smart you are. But a faster way is to take your clothes off. I can help you work on some moves.
Hyde: Oh, no, I don't need to see that. It'd be like watching my mom strip. Which, unfortunately, I saw at Take Your Son to Work Day.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Oh, hi, Jackie. [looks at poster] "Hang in there, baby." And the kitten is hanging. Funny. So, what the hell are you doing in my apartment?
Jackie: Oh, well, since Michael moved to Chicago, he let me have his room. We're gonna be roommates!
Fez: Roommates? Hot diggity! Think of the wacky adventures we will have.
[fantasy: "Fez and Jackie"]
[title: "Starring Fez and Jackie"]
[theme song plays: "We're gonna take the plunge now We're gonna dive right in now We're gonna have it all We don't believe in maybe "Can't" is a word we'll never know Sometimes we'll have our struggles But, oh, baby, oh We're gonna take our chance now Fly by the seat of our pants now When we're divided, we fall And we're really gonna have it all And we're really gonna have it all"]
[title: "And Don Knotts as 'The Landlord'"]
Jackie: Fez, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Catchy tune, though.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, Jackie, I'm off to work.
Jackie: Wait, but we're roomies. What am I supposed to do while you are gone?
Fez: Listen, when I get home, it's you and me, we'll do whatever you want.
Jackie: Oh. The Wizard of Oz is on TV tonight. We can watch it and make fun of Kansas.
Fez: It's a date. I love those little munchkins. I wish I could represent the Lollipop Guild. Boy, there'd be some changes.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Hi, sweetie. Oh, a letter for Eric. Want me to mail it for you?
Donna: No, no, no, I got it.
Bob: But I love going to the post office. I have these funny things I say when the line is moving slow, like, "Hey, where did I park my dinosaur?"
Donna: Um... okay. But you know it's illegal to tamper with mail, right?
Bob: Yeah, but it's not illegal to complain about a slow-moving line! "Hey, can we speed it up? My pet snail is getting away."
Donna: That's good stuff, Dad.

Quote from Donna

Donna: So, you just invited me over for some brownies in the middle of the day?
Kitty: Yes. Oh, and I opened your mail and I saw your nudie pictures. Would you like some milk?
Donna: What?! Oh, my God!
Kitty: Your father gave me the letter, I just wanted to add some things.
Donna: Well, did you mail the pictures?
Kitty: No, but I will as soon as I find them.
Donna: What?!
Kitty: Well, don't worry, I'm sure nobody else saw them.
Red: [enters] Hey, Kitty, have you seen the car keys? Oh, Donna. [looks away]
Donna: Oh, my God, you, too?
Red: I was looking for the damn car keys! This drawer is for car keys and magnets, that's it.
Donna: Well, where are they now?

Quote from Leo

[As Leo reads the newspaper at the record store, the nudie pictures fall out]
Randy: Whoa!
Hyde: Holy hell!
Leo: I know, man. Where's Marmaduke?

Quote from Fez

Fez: Knock, knock. Who's there? Fez! And Barry White.
Jackie: Hey, Fez. It is almost Wizard of Oz time. And I did my hair like Dorothy, but since there are no foreigners in Oz, I created a new character for you. The butler.
Fez: Oh. Bad news, racist Dorothy. Something has come up. Some unexpected doing it. You remember Caroline?
Jackie: What, with the crazy nut-job who said she was gonna scratch my eyes out?
Fez: Yes. Sweet girl. Look, she is coming over tonight and she gets very jealous of other women so you're gonna have to leave.
Jackie: Where am I supposed to go?
Fez: I don't know, just click your heels three times and get the hell out.
Jackie: Fez, I am not gonna leave my own apartment.
Fez: Okay. You know, you're right. I'm being unreasonable. Just go into your room and don't come out until morning. And eat quiet foods only. Yogurt, marshmallows, maybe cotton candy. But save me some, because I just love it.
Jackie: I can't believe this, I mean, we made a plan to watch The Wizard of Oz.
Fez: Yes, and then I was offered sex, so, ding dong, the plan is dead!

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