Hyde: I'm screwed, man! WB is in the music industry. They can kill anyone and make it look like an accident. They did it to Mama Cass. They did it to Hendrix. They even took out Buddy Holly to get to the Big Bopper!

Red: Ever since I said I like Randy, Kitty's been stomping around, making life miserable for me. I can't describe how bad it is over there.
Bob: Well, made you wanna come over and hang out with me.
Red: That's the perfect way to describe it!

William Barnett: Hello, Steven.
Hyde: Hey, man. Hey, Leo, this is my dad, WB.
Leo: Wow! Now I've seen everything.
Hyde: You're surprised he's Black, huh?
Leo: No. His fly is open, man.

William Barnett: Check these out.
Hyde: Front row tickets to Eric Clapton in Chicago? That's the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me.
William Barnett: What, show you a couple of concert tickets? You're not going. So listen, I stopped by to see if you wanted to house-sit for me. You know, bring in the mail, water the plants, feed my dog, Whitey.
Hyde: Your dog's name is Whitey?
William Barnett: No, I was talking to you.
Hyde: Yeah. I guess I can do that. Wow, man. Staying at my dad's house. Be like the childhood I never had.
William Barnett: And I won't be there. Just like the childhood you did have.

Donna: Mrs. Forman? I need to talk to you. I'm really sorry that Randy and I were kissing in Eric's room. It was inappropriate.
Kitty: Oh, actually, honey, I'm surprised you even had time to apologize. I thought you'd be up there making out with the rest of Wisconsin.
Red: What the hell are you doing showing affection outside of your own homes, anyway? Kitty and I, we never kiss or hug in public. Far as the rest of the world is concerned, we're complete strangers.
Donna: I didn't mean to offend you. You've always been like a mother to me. Like remember when you made me hot cocoa when my parents got snowed in at that swingers' club?
Kitty: Oh, Donna, I'm not gonna let one little incident ruin a lifelong friendship. [chuckles] Oh, hey, look, Red, this egg is kind of shaped like Randy's head. [cracks egg] And now it's trash, just like Donna!

Red: Kitty, if Donna's gonna date anyone, why not him? I mean, he's bright, he's good with tools and most important, he has never once tried to teach me the ways of the Jedi.
Kitty: Wait a minute. You like Randy too?
Red: Well, I'm just saying, I don't hate him as much as I hate most people.
Kitty: Well, you have said a lot of hurtful things, but this is the worst!

Jackie: See? Now, this is the kind of house I want. And I know that if I work hard enough, I can find a sucker to buy it for me.

Jackie: Oh, cool! Peter Frampton gave you a signed guitar. Hey, you know what? I have a handful of his hair. And one of them has a little piece of skin on the end of it.
Hyde: Yeah. She keeps it next to Leif Garrett's used Q-tip.
Jackie: Hey, I had to kiss a roadie named Larry for that one.

Fez: Oh, Hyde doesn't want to disappoint his daddy. "I'm Hyde, and I love my Dad and he loves me "and we're making up for lost time and..." Actually that's kind of touching.

Bob: I'm glad you came. Taste this.
Red: Hmm. That tastes pretty good.
Bob: That's 'cause it's made with five different cheeses.
Red: What's it called?
Bob: Five different cheeses. Oh, save room for cheesecake.