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The Pill

‘The Pill’

Season 1, Episode 17 -  Aired February 21, 1999

When Jackie fears she might be pregnant, Donna talks to Midge and is encouraged to go on the pill. Meanwhile, Laurie spends Spring Break at home trying to intercept the mail.

Quote from Kitty

Red: You've got strange thoughts in your little head, mister, and that Donna's a nice girl.
Kitty: Red, you are giving him the wrong idea about sex. It's not dirty.
Red: But it's not clean, either.
Kitty: Okay, cleanliness. Now, that reminds me, always make sure your nails are trimmed and clean. Oh, foreplay is very important.
Red: No, it's not.
Kitty: Yes. It is.


Quote from Jackie

Donna: Well, why didn't you, like, you know, use something?
Jackie: Look, I would have but my cousin Carla told me that I could not get pregnant for eight days after my period.
Donna: Okay. Eight days after your first day or your last day?
Jackie: I don't know. Carla never called me back. Oh, my God, Donna, having this child is gonna ruin my whole life.
Donna: Well, yeah.
Jackie: I'll have to wear flats, I'll gain weight, I'll be too fat to cheer.
Donna: Not to mention the fact you'll have a baby to take care of.

Quote from Fez

Fez: And Jackie's mukatots will get huge.
Hyde: Fez, for those of us who only speak English, what exactly is a "mukatot"?
Fez: Feet. They will get long as well as wide. Very gratifying.
Hyde: You foreign freak.

Quote from Red

Kitty: I know you're 17 and, um, we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
Red: Yes, we can.
Kitty: Red! All I'm saying is, have respect for her.
Red: You respect her by keeping your hands off of her.
Laurie: You are a dirty, dirty boy, Eric.
Kitty: Okay, now, let's talk about birth control.
Red: Birth control? Don't do it! That's your birth control.

Quote from Midge

Donna: Mom? Can I talk to you for a second?
Midge: Sure.
Donna: Okay. A friend of mine, and it's not me... is pregnant.
Midge: Is it you?
Donna: No, Mom, not me.
Midge: Oh, thank God. I just had the most horrible flashback to when I was 16 and... You were saying, honey?
Donna: The whole pregnancy thing is just so scary and overwhelming. I- Jackie, I mean... my friend.
Midge: It is you, isn't it?
Donna: No. She had one night of fun and now her whole life is out of control.
Midge: Are you worried about you and Eric?
Donna: No. Maybe. Yes.
Midge: Honey, let me just tell you what I think. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things happen. And the backseat of a car is no place to be worrying about birth control.
Donna: Thanks, Mom.

Quote from Laurie

Donna: Hey, Laurie. Is Eric around?
Laurie: No, he's at The Hub. Hey, watch the door.
Donna: What are you doing?
Laurie: My grades. I gotta make some Fs into Bs before Red sees them.
Donna: You're fine. Red and Kitty are watching Bonanza. I gotta go.
Laurie: Hey, smart move going on the pill. That was the best thing I ever did. Just wait 'til you get to college.
Donna: Bye.

Quote from Bob

Midge: Personally, I'm very proud to have a daughter who acted so mature and responsible.
Bob: I'm her father. You should've told me, Midge. [Donna enters] Can you imagine how I felt standing there with Eric when the pharmacist handed me birth control pills?
Donna: Eric knows? Thanks a lot, Dad! [grabs pills and leaves]
Bob: You know, she and Eric are dating.
Midge: All the more reason.
Bob: Jeez.
Midge: You'd rather she got pregnant?
Bob: That is not gonna happen to Donna.
Midge: It happened to us.
Bob: Oh, sure, throw that in my face again.

Quote from Fez

Fez: And then, in the dream, two of The Three Stooges fed me grapes while I played them a beautiful song on my accordion. In the nude.
Hyde: Somehow the accordion part bothers me more than the nude part.

Quote from Jackie

Donna: So, is it true?
Jackie: Yes, Donna, it is true. I am carrying Michael Kelso's child.
Donna: Jackie, you're a sophomore. How can you be so stupid?
Jackie: I'm a sophomore.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Donna, what am I gonna do? I'm in such trouble.
Donna: Jackie, it's all right. We'll get through this. [they hug] What does Kelso say about all this?
Jackie: No, no, no! I cannot tell Michael. It's way too embarrassing.
Donna: Jackie! You had sex with him.
Jackie: I know I did. But we didn't talk.
Donna: You have to tell Kelso. If you don't, I will.
Jackie: Thank you, Donna. Thank you! Oh, thank you!
Donna: Jackie, I don't want to tell him.
[After they hear a crashing sound in the cafe, Jackie opens the bathroom door and finds Kelso lying on the floor, being slapped by Fez]
Jackie: I think he knows.

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