Red: You've got strange thoughts in your little head, mister, and that Donna's a nice girl.
Kitty: Red, you are giving him the wrong idea about sex. It's not dirty.
Red: But it's not clean, either.
Kitty: Okay, cleanliness. Now, that reminds me, always make sure your nails are trimmed and clean. Oh, foreplay is very important.
Red: No, it's not.
Kitty: Yes. It is.

Donna: Well, why didn't you, like, you know, use something?
Jackie: Look, I would have but my cousin Carla told me that I could not get pregnant for eight days after my period.
Donna: Okay. Eight days after your first day or your last day?
Jackie: I don't know. Carla never called me back. Oh, my God, Donna, having this child is gonna ruin my whole life.
Donna: Well, yeah.
Jackie: I'll have to wear flats, I'll gain weight, I'll be too fat to cheer.
Donna: Not to mention the fact you'll have a baby to take care of.

Fez: And Jackie's mukatots will get huge.
Hyde: Fez, for those of us who only speak English, what exactly is a "mukatot"?
Fez: Feet. They will get long as well as wide. Very gratifying.
Hyde: You foreign freak.

Kitty: I know you're 17 and, um, we can't stop you from doing what you want to do.
Red: Yes, we can.
Kitty: Red! All I'm saying is, have respect for her.
Red: You respect her by keeping your hands off of her.
Laurie: You are a dirty, dirty boy, Eric.
Kitty: Okay, now, let's talk about birth control.
Red: Birth control? Don't do it! That's your birth control.

Donna: Mom? Can I talk to you for a second?
Midge: Sure.
Donna: Okay. A friend of mine, and it's not me... is pregnant.
Midge: Is it you?
Donna: No, Mom, not me.
Midge: Oh, thank God. I just had the most horrible flashback to when I was 16 and... You were saying, honey?
Donna: The whole pregnancy thing is just so scary and overwhelming. I- Jackie, I mean... my friend.
Midge: It is you, isn't it?
Donna: No. She had one night of fun and now her whole life is out of control.
Midge: Are you worried about you and Eric?
Donna: No. Maybe. Yes.
Midge: Honey, let me just tell you what I think. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things happen. And the backseat of a car is no place to be worrying about birth control.
Donna: Thanks, Mom.

Donna: Hey, Laurie. Is Eric around?
Laurie: No, he's at The Hub. Hey, watch the door.
Donna: What are you doing?
Laurie: My grades. I gotta make some Fs into Bs before Red sees them.
Donna: You're fine. Red and Kitty are watching Bonanza. I gotta go.
Laurie: Hey, smart move going on the pill. That was the best thing I ever did. Just wait 'til you get to college.
Donna: Bye.

Midge: Personally, I'm very proud to have a daughter who acted so mature and responsible.
Bob: I'm her father. You should've told me, Midge. [Donna enters] Can you imagine how I felt standing there with Eric when the pharmacist handed me birth control pills?
Donna: Eric knows? Thanks a lot, Dad! [grabs pills and leaves]
Bob: You know, she and Eric are dating.
Midge: All the more reason.
Bob: Jeez.
Midge: You'd rather she got pregnant?
Bob: That is not gonna happen to Donna.
Midge: It happened to us.
Bob: Oh, sure, throw that in my face again.

Fez: And then, in the dream, two of The Three Stooges fed me grapes while I played them a beautiful song on my accordion. In the nude.
Hyde: Somehow the accordion part bothers me more than the nude part.

Donna: So, is it true?
Jackie: Yes, Donna, it is true. I am carrying Michael Kelso's child.
Donna: Jackie, you're a sophomore. How can you be so stupid?
Jackie: I'm a sophomore.

Jackie: Donna, what am I gonna do? I'm in such trouble.
Donna: Jackie, it's all right. We'll get through this. [they hug] What does Kelso say about all this?
Jackie: No, no, no! I cannot tell Michael. It's way too embarrassing.
Donna: Jackie! You had sex with him.
Jackie: I know I did. But we didn't talk.
Donna: You have to tell Kelso. If you don't, I will.
Jackie: Thank you, Donna. Thank you! Oh, thank you!
Donna: Jackie, I don't want to tell him.
[After they hear a crashing sound in the cafe, Jackie opens the bathroom door and finds Kelso lying on the floor, being slapped by Fez]
Jackie: I think he knows.