Donna: We don't need the keys. I'll hotwire that son of a bitch.
Randy: What's the big deal? I'll just ask Red if I can borrow the car.
Hyde: Uh, while you're at it, why don't you ask Red if your ass can borrow his foot?

Hyde: I remember my first crime. Grand theft tricycle. I did three days in the crib for that job.

Bob: [on TV] I'll always remember where I was when I heard the news that Fatso was stolen. I was reading the paper in the can. It was the same way with Kennedy.

Fez: What the hell is going on here?
Randy: Well, these guys were supposed to go on a three-hour tour, but now they're shipwrecked. And the sexual tension between Gilligan and the Skipper is reaching a breaking point.
Jackie: This show's stupid. Why don't they just kill the fat one for food?
Fez: I'm not talking about Gilligan ["Jill"-igan]. I'm talking about the new guy sitting in my chair.
Donna: Fez, the chairs are first come, first served. We decided that in the Great Chair Negotiation of '78.
Hyde: Although, that doesn't apply to me. Due to the "If You Sit in My Chair, I'll Kick You in the Nad's" amendment.
Randy: Here, you can have it, I don't mind.
Fez: You'll live another day.
Jackie: Fez, why do you pick on Randy? Based on his hair and his looks, I think he is a really good person.
Fez: I just don't like people who aren't from here, that's all.

Jackie: Look at that disgusting clown. It's totally freaking me out.
Donna: You're scared of Fatso? But he's the friendly neighborhood clown, who gives grade D beef to all the boys and girls.
Jackie: Look, I just don't like the way his eyes follow me around. It's the same reason I hate art.

Jackie: Well I don't want anything to do with that Red-nosed freak.
Fez: Why are you so afraid of clowns?
Jackie: It was my seventh birthday party, this clown asked me if I wanted to smell his pretty flower. And when I did, it squirted water all over my face. And then he offered me his handkerchief, when I pulled it out of his pocket, it just kept coming, coming, coming.
Fez: And that's why you hate clowns?
Jackie: No, later I walked in on him, making out with my mom. Pie-throwing bastard!

Fez: Hey, Red, reading the paper, that good old paper?
Red: Get out.
Fez: Okay, the plan is off.
Randy: Hey, Mr. Forman, I thought maybe you could lend us the Vista Cruiser?
Red: Well, that's interesting, Kitty. I don't see anything in here about hell freezing over.

[As Fez ducks behind the clown, Bob pulls up in his car]
Bob: What's cooking, Fatso?
Fez: Um... [American accent] Welcome to Fatso Burger.
Bob: I'll have a big Fatso combo with extra secret sauce.
Fez: Would you like apple pie with that?
Bob: Sure!
Fez: And the extra large soda for 10 cents more?
Bob: Okay.
Fez: Oh, and onion rings are free with all that.
Bob: I'll take them.
Fez: So let me read that back. One big Fatso combo with extra sauce, an apple pie, extra large soda and one onion rings.
Bob: You got it.
Fez: Sorry, we're closed.
Bob: What? Then why did you take my order?
Fez: Thank you, please drive away.
Bob: But I'm hungry!
Fez: Then go get a pizza!
Bob: I had pizza for lunch!
Fez: Well, whose fault is that?
Bob: Go to hell, Fatso!
Fez: See you there, lard ass!

Bob: You guys, something terrible happened. Fatso the Clown was stolen.
Kitty: What? But he was a Wisconsin landmark. He's been sitting on that bun since I was a little girl.
Bob: I feel so guilty. I was the last one to talk to him. We had an awful fight.
Red: What are you crying about? It was a speaker with a face on it.
Kitty: Oh, he was more than that. He was a part of our history.
Bob: I got a lot of warm memories about that place, too. I knocked up Midgy in the parking lot.
Kitty: Don't you remember, Red? When we were dating, we used to go to Fatso Burger every Friday night, and just dream about our future.
Red: I thought we were just eating burgers. Women are always doing something else!
Bob: That's true. Midgy was drinking a shake when I knocked her up.

Hyde: Yeah, guys, this is serious. You know what the penalty for stealing a clown is? The cops line you up, and shoot you with one of those guns that has a flag that says "Bang." [chuckles] I've been wanting to say that all day.