Fez: I'm nervous.
Hyde: Don't be nervous. You'll get sweaty.
Fez: Oh, no. Too late. I can't help it. This is my first official American date.
Hyde: That's why I'm here, Fez. To help you out, man. Unless they're uggos, and then I'm gone.
Fez: There they are, and they're not even uggos.
Hyde: No, they're hot. And the blonde's blonde and hot.
Fez: Yes, and since I set us up on this date, she's mine, right?
Hyde: Well, I can see why you'd think that, but actually, since I came along to help you out, American custom dictates that I get the blonde.
Fez: Once again, the local custom bones the foreign guy.
Hyde: America, man. Love it or leave it.

Bob: Hey. I heard Eric got suspended.
Red: Yeah, and we're all real proud.
Bob: I'll tell you what, Red. I think Donna's been having trouble because Eric's a bad influence.
Red: Could be. But did you ever think the way you and Midge act like idiots, that might be screwing her up?
Bob: Nope. I'm pretty sure it's Eric.
Red: Well, that's kind of stupid, Bob.
Bob: Well, I guess the truth hurts.
Red: So does a swift kick in the ass.
Bob: All right. I'm going. But a swift kick in the ass is not the solution to everything, Forman.
Red: I gotta disagree, Bob.

Eric: This is great. Why'd I even take the fall? I mean, Donna doesn't care. And, you know, Red's gonna kill me.
Hyde: Relax, Forman, he's not gonna... Oh, wait. Did you say kill you? [chuckles] Yeah, you're right.
Eric: Hyde, this isn't funny. On Red's list of screw-ups, getting suspended from school is right up there with backing over my mom.

Bob: Oh, hi, honey. Your mom and I are going out tonight. It's happy hour at Swingles.
Donna: What's Swingles?
Bob: It's a singles' bar.
Midge: No, it's a swingers' bar.
Bob: Yeah, it's both.
Donna: And you're neither.
Bob: Don't get involved, Donna. This is grown-up stuff.

Donna: Hey, check it out. I got an "F" on my report card.
Eric: An "F"? What'd you fail?
Donna: English.
Eric: Isn't that what we speak?

Red: Okay. I'm gonna say I'm sorry, but, you know, you do lie a lot.
Eric: What have I lied about?
Red: You've lied about the beer keg, the dent in the Vista Cruiser. You lied when you said you weren't taking the car out of town.
Eric: Wait. You knew about that?
Red: I do now.
Eric: Oh!
Red: Ha! We're even.
Eric: Oh, Dad, you've gotta be kidding me.
Red: Okay. I'm sorry I made you smoke all those cigarettes.
Eric: Okay. Yeah. That's okay. Actually, I kind of liked 'em.
Red: Watch it.
Eric: No, no. I bet they'd go great with beer.
Red: So does a swift kick in the ass.

Donna: So... I told Bob and Midge that it was my cigarette.
Eric: And how'd that go?
Donna: Really good. They grounded me.
Eric: Cool. Ha, ha. So what are you doing over here?
Donna: Snuck out. Being grounded makes it so much naughtier. [kisses Eric]
Eric: You know, Donna, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but failing classes is not the only way to get attention from your parents. I mean, for instance, a lot of girls, when they're having a bad time at home, just go slutty.
Donna: You know what, Eric? You're right. Let's have sex right now.
Eric: Really?
Donna: No.
Eric: Stop doing that!

Hyde: Hey, I got a "B" in Spanish. When did I start taking Spanish?

Hyde: Eric Forman's first suspension. I'm so proud.
Kelso: No way. Back up. Why'd he get suspended?
Donna: Because he's stupid.
Kelso: They can do that?
Donna: No.

Kelso: Hey, man. Having a chick is about sacrifice. Like Jackie. She wants to decorate my van with some of her girly stuff, right? So I tell her she can have one stuffed animal. In the glove box. See? Sacrifice.
Hyde: Kelso, remember how you used to put your whole fist in your mouth?
Kelso: Yeah.
Hyde: Do it now.
Kelso: Damn, why is everybody so crabby today? [Jackie and Fez enter] What's in the suitcase?
Jackie: Stuffed animals for the van, remember? Look, Michael, I know we agreed on just one, but then I got to thinking, and well, I want them all.
Kelso: But...
Jackie: But what Michael?
Kelso: But... Okay. Oh, ease up on her, Kelso.
Eric: You know, sacrifice is hard.