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Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die

‘Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die’

Season 3, Episode 4 -  Aired October 31, 2000

When Eric and friends don't have anything to do on Halloween, they find themselves in scenarios from Alfred Hitchcock movies.

Quote from Jackie

Donna: No, Eric, I meant maybe there's something, you know, we could do... together.
Eric: [snorts] I doubt it.
Kelso: Oh! That is a burn.
Donna: Wait. What?
Eric: No, I- No, I didn't- I didn't mean it like that.
Jackie: Nope, sorry, Eric, that was a burn. And what's burnt is burnt. And what's burnt is Donna.


Quote from Fez

Donna: Fez, what the hell are you doing?
Kelso: Yeah, I don't know if you know this but you're dressed like a girl. And not a nice girl.
Fez: Kelso, you spilled juice all over your shirt. You look stupid.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, Kelso, while you're over there, would you please, please toss Fez a pair of pants?
Donna: Or at least a skirt.
Fez: No, I am Dr. Frank-N-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. You know, my Bible-thumping host parents were really upset about my rock-hard ass.
Donna: Fez, put it away or take it outside.

Quote from Eric

Kelso: I gotta go to this stupid Halloween party with Laurie's stupid friends. Not only do I have to wear a suit but all of her guy friends act like they've done it with her before.
Eric: Uh, Kelso...
Hyde: Leave it.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Okay, Fez. Well you got a bad sprain here. Not to- to mention a run in your stocking. [laughs]
Red: So, you were running around chasing him on the roof because he took your little rubber ball.
Eric: It wasn't a ball. It was a SuperBall.
Hyde: Yeah, you should see that thing bounce. It's pretty super.
Red: Dumbasses.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Oh, see? You see that, Jackie? Fez hurt himself. There is someone "stupider" than me.
Jackie: It's not his fault he's stupid. He's foreign. What's your excuse, stupid?
Kelso: Well, I know one thing's for sure. There's definitely someone bitchier than me.
Jackie: Oh, you better not mean me.
Kelso: Oh, I so mean you!
Jackie: Oh.
Hyde: Nice burn. Top shelf.
Kelso: Thanks.

Quote from Red

Kelso: Oh, I've seen this one. Those guys think that Cary Grant's a secret agent, but he's not. It's a case of mistaken identity.
Red: Right, like you've mistaken me for someone who wants you here.
Kelso: Right. [chuckles] Wait.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Red. Red, I killed a bird.
Red: [chuckles] Aw.
Kitty: And then- And then the rest of them, they just- they glared at me with this- this birdie hate look. I can't go back there. I have got to find somebody else to feed those birds. Somebody who won't flinch in the face of evil. [Laurie enters] Oh, and there's Mommy's girl. [laughs] Laurie, have I got a job for you.
Laurie: Not interested.
Kitty: It pays 10 bucks.
Laurie: All right, I'll do anything for 10 bucks.
Kitty: And- And for once, that's a good thing.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Hey, you know what'd be fun? Is if we were in an Alfred Hitchcock movie right now and we didn't know it, and then someone told us and we're like, "Oh, man, I'm in a movie."

Quote from Kitty

Hyde: Get off me, you girl.
Eric: What- What happened?
Kitty: Honey, you just- you had a little touch of vertigo there. So, just stay away from heights for a while and you'll be fine.

Quote from Hyde

Kitty: Well, now, that's strange. Midge's car's right there. Bob said she wasn't home. In fact, I haven't seen her for days.
Hyde: Maybe she went to the store and forgot where she lived.
Kitty: [laughs] Oh, that's- that's wrong.

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