Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Reefer Madness’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Reefer Madness

301. Reefer Madness

Aired October 3, 2000

Red is determined to throw Hyde out of the house after he was arrested for possession. Meanwhile, Jackie is certain she and Hyde are in love after he took the fall for her.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Look, Forman. I appreciate what you're trying to do, you know? But you getting into trouble is not going to help me get out of trouble, okay? Okay?
Eric: Okay.
Hyde: Okay. Everybody just stop worrying, all right? I'll be fine.
Fez: Yes. It will be good for you in the FotoHut. Maybe you will develop some character. [laughs] Get it? Develop? [laughs] Oh, fine. I guess I'm not funny. Kiss my brown ass.


Quote from Red

Red: No! I don't want to talk about Steven! Subject closed.
Kitty: Red.
Red: For God's sakes, Kitty. We took him into our home. We treated him like our own son.
Eric: You treat him better than your own son.
Red: I'll tell you one thing. I'm not bailing him out. He can rot in that jail, for all I care.
Eric: Actually, uh, they already let him out. Gave him probation.
Red: Probation? Well, isn't that just ducky? You know how they treat their criminals in Russia? First offense, five years in Siberia. Second offense, 10 years. Believe you me, there is no third offense.
Kitty: Unless the criminal likes to make snow angels. [laughs]

Quote from Leo

Leo: Hey, man, you missed your shift at the Fotohut. You better have a damn good excuse.
Hyde: I got busted.
Leo: Damn. That's a good excuse. So what'd they get you for?
Jackie: For loving me.
Leo: [laughs] 'Cause she's, like, 14?
Hyde: I got busted for possession.
Leo: Oh, man. Join the club.
Hyde: Yeah, thanks.
Leo: No. I mean, join the club, man. We meet every Thursday. We're trying to raise money for a field trip to Amsterdam.

Quote from Midge

Bob: Hey there, Red. Taking out the trash, I see. [Red clears his throat] Yeah, well, better late than never.
Red: Is that supposed to mean something, Bob?
Bob: No. Just happened to notice that that low-life Hyde you've been harboring has been busted for possession.
Midge: [gasps] My gosh! That stuff was right here in our own neighborhood? And to think of all the times we had to drive across town to get it!
Bob: Ix-nay, Midge!

Quote from Leo

Kitty: Here's your tea, Leo.
Leo: Oh, wow, gee. Tea, man. That's, like, exotic. [giggles] Hey, look at me. I'm the king of England! Off with her head. [laughs] Tea.
Kitty: Well, um, I- I think it's great that Steven has a boss who cares enough to- to come over and talk to us on his behalf. So, um, I'm just gonna let you fellas get to know each other. Sit up straight, Leo. [exits]
Leo: Hey, man, I don't think you should kick Hyde out, because he's a good kid.
Red: He's a doper.
Leo: Well, you say that like it's a bad thing, man. Hey, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I've indulged once or twice myself.
Red: Really? I'm shocked.
Leo: Yeah, I know. Upstanding businessman. Last guy you'd expect. But it's true, man.
Red: Well, Mr. Hippie. If you say so, that's good enough for me.
Leo: Oh, that's great, man. [lays down on the couch] Now, please, get out of my house.

Quote from Red

Red: Um, Steven, wait. You can stay.
Hyde: Cool.
Kitty: Wait, wait, wait. Wait. That's it? Isn't there anything else you would like to say to this brave and noble young man?
Red: [sighs] You're right, Kitty. Dumbass! Do you realize that you put your entire future at risk? Now, I myself... [time lapse] What kind of a moron would go and take the fall for some little... Crying and crying and crying. And when she's upset, I'm upset. ... And the next thing you know, I had to have tea with that greasy old hippie. And now I have hippie stink on my couch. ... Let me tell you something else. If you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard your nose will bleed!
Kitty: And we love you.

Quote from Red

Red: Oh, don't try this blaming society crap with me. You know whose fault this is? Do you? Do you?
Eric: Well, I have a pretty good idea.
Red: It's mine.
Eric: Oh, all right.
Hyde: Okay.
Red: The problem is I've been too lenient. So, from now on, no more easygoing, devil-may-care, everybody's-best-friend dad.
Kitty: [nervous laughter] I'm just- I'm so very nervous.
Red: I'm cracking down. And I'm cracking down hard. Starting right now fun time is over! [exits]
Eric: So where was I for fun time?

Quote from Kelso

Red: [sniffs] All right. Well, don't mind me. I'm just here to install this smoke detector.
Kelso: Smoke detector? Does that detect any kind of smoke?
Donna: Long live the king.

Quote from Fez

Eric: Man, who'd have thought? Hyde getting busted for possession. I mean, I always thought it'd be, like, armed robbery or pimping. You know, something cool.
Kelso: [laughs] Yeah, Hyde in jail. Hey, guys, do you think he's anyone's girlfriend yet?
Fez: Kelso, he's been in jail for three hours. Of course he's someone's girlfriend. He has very pretty eyes.
[the camera pans to Hyde's empty chair]
Eric: Well, if he was someone's girlfriend, I think it might look something like this. [holds up Etch A Sketch]
Kelso: Yeah. Hey there, curlicue, would you like to perform an unspeakable act on me or would you prefer that I perform one on you? [high-pitched Voice.] Well, they both sound good. Dealer's choice.
Fez: You have done a horrible thing with a children's toy.
Hyde: [clears throat] Huh. Bet you didn't want me to see this, did ya?
Eric: Hey! [shakes Etch A Sketch] Welcome back, man! We were worried about- I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm so sorry.
Kelso: Yeah, uh- You know, curlicue is- can be- is a term of endearment.
Fez: So, when do we meet your new fella?

Quote from Red

Red: Hey. Steven brought that stuff into my house. And I'm putting stop to it before things get out of control.
Kitty: Oh, out of control how?
Red: Well, I'll tell you how.
[black-and-white fantasy: "The Dope Fiends":]
Hyde: Say, chum, where ya headed?
Eric: Just to see my best girl Donna, that's where. We're gonna split a soda pop. It'll be keen.
Hyde: Soda pop, eh? I have something that's even keener than soda pop. It's called marijuana.
Eric: "Mari-what-a"?
Hyde: Come. I'll show you.
[later, Jackie dances to rag-time music as she joins the guys the Formans' smoke-filled living room:]
Kelso: [laughs hysterically]
Eric: Hyde, you were right. Marijuana's the bee's knees.
Hyde: Yep. All it takes is one puff to make you hopelessly addicted.
Eric: I am hopelessly addicted.
Kelso: [laughs hysterically]
Fez: [enters] Here's a new shipment, fresh from whatever-the-hell country I am from.
Donna: [enters] Gee whillikers, Eric. Where have you been? You missed choir practice.
Eric: Sorry, dollface. But now, thanks to marijuana, I'm incurably insane.
Donna: Well, I'm not gonna let a swell kid like you ruin your life.
Hyde: Not so fast, sister. I need that for the schoolchildren.
Eric: No! [gunshot]
Donna: Alas, marijuana has ended my young, promising life.
Red: [enters] This is what's happening all over America. And it could happen in your home, or yours, or... [points straight at the camera]... yours!

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode