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‘No Quarter’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: No Quarter

520. No Quarter

Aired April 2, 2003

Donna is struggling to cope with Jackie as her new roommate. Eric is unable to pay the monthly payment on Donna's engagement ring now he's unemployed. Meanwhile, Hyde's boss hires Kelso as a kitchen hand.

Quote from Red

Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.


Quote from Red

Bob: Here you go. One general-issue military cot slightly used from my days in the National Guard.
Red: Well, it's good to know that the National Guard was getting a good night's sleep while I was in the South Pacific dodging bullets and using coral as toilet paper!

Quote from Jackie

Donna: Jackie, I thought you were gonna put everything away.
Jackie: I did. The hardest thing was finding room for my shoes. But then I realized I could just fit them inside your shoes.

Quote from Jackie

Donna: Jackie, if you're gonna stay here, we need to set up a few ground rules. Okay? You can't just... What happened to our Led Zeppelin poster?
Jackie: Oh, I put up the Captain and Tennille instead.
Donna: No, no, no, no. No way is my Led Zeppelin becoming the Captain and Tennille.
Jackie: [chuckles] Led Zeppelin wishes they could be the Captain and Tennille.
Donna: What did you say?

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: Oh, Donna. There you are. Okay, look. We have to talk about your makeup collection. ChapStick is not lipstick.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Guys, if I enroll in the police academy in the fall, I could be busting heads in a year. Freeze, dirtbag!
Fez: Wow, you did make me freeze. [chuckles] But I was a dirtbag long before you came along.
Hyde: Hey. Says here you're supposed to start getting into shape now.
Kelso: Oh, no, no, that's not for me. That's for the regular guys. I haven't done a lap in gym class since I had my eighth-grade growth spurt and Miss Brady made me her special assistant. [chuckles]

Quote from Jackie

Donna: Look, let's just get some sleep. [sighs] Good night.
Jackie: Good night.
[ABBA's "Mamma Mia" plays]
Donna: Jackie, turn that off!
Jackie: [groans] [music stops] See, Donna, I need music to fall asleep. See, I wear earplugs so I can just barely hear it, but it needs to be loud enough, because I like the vibration in the bed.
Donna: So, how am I supposed to get to sleep?
Jackie: Think of something boring. You know, like school. Or Eric. [music resumes]

Quote from Eric

Eric: Hey. I sold some of my albums to get some money for Donna's engagement ring. Made three bucks. Which means I am... Let me see, carry the one, um... Oh! Still completely screwed.
Hyde: They wouldn't take Anne Murray's Greatest Hits? Is this whole crazy world turning upside down?
Eric: Hey, be nice to Anne, okay? She's a beloved Canadian songstress. And I'm glad they didn't take her, because, well, the worse I feel, the more I need her.

Quote from Kitty

Red: Why do you have money? What'd you do, mug a Girl Scout? [chuckles]
Eric: No, I've been selling my albums.
Kitty: Oh, I hope you didn't sell that "Froggy Went A-courtin"' record. You know, when we were toilet-training Eric I'd say, "Does someone need to go a-courtin'?" And he would just run straight off and make a jobby. [laughs]

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: [rings bell] All right, here I am.
Roy: Oh, Steven, meet our new kitchen assistant.
Hyde: You hired Kelso? Do you know how many fires this guy's started?
Kelso: Three electrical, two chemical, and one that even surprised me.
Roy: Well, I wanted to help him out, and he said he needed a job.
Kelso: Yeah, if I'm gonna be a cop, I gotta quit modeling. I mean, I can't have the perps looking at pictures of me half-naked. Oh, and, uh, everywhere I work, I like to feel at home so I brought a little something of Jackie's.
Roy: Okay, uh, I think that's a health code violation. But I'm gonna look the other way, which is hard to do, 'cause , look, panties! [chuckles]
Kelso: [laughs] Yeah, I burned you with the panties again! Two days, two locations. That burn is on tour.

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