Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.

Bob: Here you go. One general-issue military cot slightly used from my days in the National Guard.
Red: Well, it's good to know that the National Guard was getting a good night's sleep while I was in the South Pacific dodging bullets and using coral as toilet paper!

Donna: Jackie, I thought you were gonna put everything away.
Jackie: I did. The hardest thing was finding room for my shoes. But then I realized I could just fit them inside your shoes.

Donna: Jackie, if you're gonna stay here, we need to set up a few ground rules. Okay? You can't just... What happened to our Led Zeppelin poster?
Jackie: Oh, I put up the Captain and Tennille instead.
Donna: No, no, no, no. No way is my Led Zeppelin becoming the Captain and Tennille.
Jackie: [chuckles] Led Zeppelin wishes they could be the Captain and Tennille.
Donna: What did you say?

Jackie: Oh, Donna. There you are. Okay, look. We have to talk about your makeup collection. ChapStick is not lipstick.

Kelso: Guys, if I enroll in the police academy in the fall, I could be busting heads in a year. Freeze, dirtbag!
Fez: Wow, you did make me freeze. [chuckles] But I was a dirtbag long before you came along.
Hyde: Hey. Says here you're supposed to start getting into shape now.
Kelso: Oh, no, no, that's not for me. That's for the regular guys. I haven't done a lap in gym class since I had my eighth-grade growth spurt and Miss Brady made me her special assistant. [chuckles]

Donna: Look, let's just get some sleep. [sighs] Good night.
Jackie: Good night.
[ABBA's "Mamma Mia" plays]
Donna: Jackie, turn that off!
Jackie: [groans] [music stops] See, Donna, I need music to fall asleep. See, I wear earplugs so I can just barely hear it, but it needs to be loud enough, because I like the vibration in the bed.
Donna: So, how am I supposed to get to sleep?
Jackie: Think of something boring. You know, like school. Or Eric. [music resumes]

Eric: Hey. I sold some of my albums to get some money for Donna's engagement ring. Made three bucks. Which means I am... Let me see, carry the one, um... Oh! Still completely screwed.
Hyde: They wouldn't take Anne Murray's Greatest Hits? Is this whole crazy world turning upside down?
Eric: Hey, be nice to Anne, okay? She's a beloved Canadian songstress. And I'm glad they didn't take her, because, well, the worse I feel, the more I need her.

Red: Why do you have money? What'd you do, mug a Girl Scout? [chuckles]
Eric: No, I've been selling my albums.
Kitty: Oh, I hope you didn't sell that "Froggy Went A-courtin"' record. You know, when we were toilet-training Eric I'd say, "Does someone need to go a-courtin'?" And he would just run straight off and make a jobby. [laughs]

Kelso: [rings bell] All right, here I am.
Roy: Oh, Steven, meet our new kitchen assistant.
Hyde: You hired Kelso? Do you know how many fires this guy's started?
Kelso: Three electrical, two chemical, and one that even surprised me.
Roy: Well, I wanted to help him out, and he said he needed a job.
Kelso: Yeah, if I'm gonna be a cop, I gotta quit modeling. I mean, I can't have the perps looking at pictures of me half-naked. Oh, and, uh, everywhere I work, I like to feel at home so I brought a little something of Jackie's.
Roy: Okay, uh, I think that's a health code violation. But I'm gonna look the other way, which is hard to do, 'cause , look, panties! [chuckles]
Kelso: [laughs] Yeah, I burned you with the panties again! Two days, two locations. That burn is on tour.