Fez: [shouts] Hello, ladies!
Hyde: No, man, that's not how you do it. You gotta be aloof.
Fez: Did you just call me a "loof"? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your 'nads.
Hyde: No, man. Aloof. Distant. Zen.
Fez: Well, that's not what loof means in my language.
Hyde: Look, I don't care what you think it means, that's what it means here.
Fez: You're the loof.
Hyde: Fez, it's not-
Fez: I said loof!

Eric: It's a promise ring. 'Cause, you know, Donna and I have been fighting a lot lately.
Hyde: Forman, you get mushy with Donna, she's gonna see the secret girl inside the man. Now, trust me, you don't want to let Erica out.
Kelso: [laughs] Erica. That's a good burn. You can't do that with Michael. I'm lucky.
Hyde: Oh, really, Michelle?
Kelso: Oh, I forgot about Michelle. Look, Hyde obviously doesn't understand mature relationships but I do. And a promise ring is not only a gift from the heart, but it also means more sex and less mouthing off. I'm getting one for Jackie too!
Eric: Great. Let's go.
Kelso: All right. See you later, Hyde-a alicia. What's a good girlie name for Hyde?
Eric: Uh, Hyde...rangea?
Hyde: It's Heidi, you morons! Heidi!

Eric: So, Leo, you sell promise rings?
Leo: Promise rings, concert tees... other stuff.
Eric: Really?
Kelso: That's nice.
Eric: Yeah. Okay, we'll take two rings and a misdemeanor's worth of the other stuff.

Eric: Leo, I... I need to return this.
Leo: Hey, man, I only said it was gold, not real gold.
Eric: No, it's Donna and I broke up.
Leo: What? What happened to the love, man?
Eric: Well, I don't really feel like...
Leo: No! If you kids can't make it, who can? Tell me, who? Why, God, why?!

Kelso: Hey, what you doing?
Eric: Just counting my secret stash. I'm getting something special for Donna.
Kelso: Something special, huh? Oh, is it firecrackers?
Eric: No.
Kelso: No, no, 'cause if it's something that blows up, I'll go halfsies.

Eric: Okay, is it me, or is this not a ring store?
Kelso: Will you trust me? I know a guy who knows a guy. He'll be here any minute.
Leo: Hey, dudes.
Eric: Leo's the guy? Kelso, I thought you knew a guy who knew a guy.
Kelso: Yeah, I do.
Eric: But I know Leo.
Kelso: Fine, so you're the guy!

[circle:]
Eric: Ah, the ring of love. Just holding it makes me feel mellow and content. Actually, that might not be the ring. [chuckles]
Fez: Why is everybody but Fez in love? If I don't get some romance soon, I'm going to give myself a blister. Well, another blister.
Hyde: Tell you what, Fez. I'm going to take you cruising for chicks in the El Camino. And I'm gonna let you buy the gas and buy my dinner. And if we meet a chick, I'm gonna let you walk home.
Kelso: Guys, what if Jackie doesn't want a ring from a guy like me? I mean, sure, I'm good looking, but I can't be trusted.
Eric: No, you guys are the perfect couple. You do the bad stuff, and she tries to catch you. She's Smokey to your Bandit. God, it's like that movie applies to everything!
Kelso: I just... I wish there was a way I could give Jackie a thing that wasn't actually the ring. You know, like a a test gift just to see what she would say. And then if it went bad, I could just walk away. Hey, am I talking in rhyme? I wish I could do that all the time. Oh! Oh, man!

Eric: That was fun, huh? It was a good movie. It was one of those love movies like you like, huh? And who took you? This guy.
Donna: Yeah, it was great.
Eric: You know what else this guy did for you? Got you a present.
Donna: "To Donna. Love, This Guy."
Eric: Yeah. That's me.
Donna: Oh, my God!
Eric: It's a promise ring.

Donna: Eric, it's- It's beautiful.
Eric: I'm so glad you like it. 'Cause look, even though things have been a little weird lately-
Kitty: Oh, look how cute on the car! [laughs]
Donna: Here, look what Eric got me.
Kitty: Oh, my. Red, go get the camera.
Red: Kitty-
Eric: Mom, I-
Kitty: Go! It's in the drawer near the cheese grater.
Eric: Mom, no.
Kitty: Hush. Donna, now make the face you made when Eric gave you the ring. Oh, now, see, I don't think you rolled your eyes.
Red: Kitty, I cut myself on the cheese grater. [Eric and Donna run away]
Kitty: Oh, now you get back here and smile, damn it!

Donna: Can you believe it? Isn't it pretty?
Jackie: Yeah. I really need to introduce you to my good friend nail polish. And a promise ring is sacred, Donna. Why aren't you wearing it on your left ring finger?
Donna: I don't know. 'Cause I like it on this finger. What's the difference?
Jackie: Donna, if you don't wear your promise ring on your left ring finger, it totally cancels out the promise that you will be together forever.
Donna: Wait. That's what I promised?