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First Date

‘First Date’

Season 1, Episode 16 -  Aired February 14, 1999

Eric invites Donna out on a date on Valentine's Day, even though she'd made plans to study with Hyde. Meanwhile, Red and Kitty have a dinner party with Bob and Midge.

Quote from Kelso

Jackie: I don't believe you, Michael.
Kelso: What?
Jackie: You can't just maul me in front of my father.
Kelso: I bet he didn't even notice.
Jackie: He yelled at you to stop it.
Kelso: Oh. [chuckles] I thought he was talking to you.


Quote from Red

Red: They used to be normal. What the hell happened to them?
Kitty: Well, I don't know. How can she not eat meat? That can't be healthy.
Red: Remember when we used to go on vacation together? Bob and I used to go fishing and drink beers.
Kitty: I mean, we used to have fun with them.
Red: Now they're into every fad there is. Things change, Kitty.
Kitty: Well, we don't.
Red: Oh. We don't have to. We're classic.
[fantasy: Red and Kitty are kissing as they're depicted in a classic cartoon]
Red: [v.o.] You know Midge wasn't wearing a bra tonight.
Kitty: [v.o.] Yeah. Bob wasn't wearing underwear.

Quote from Eric

Donna: Thanks for, uh, holding my hair when I was...
Eric: Just thanks for missing my shoes.
Donna: Well, I... I guess I blew our big night.
Eric: Look, it's cool. I thought I was gonna blow it and then, I mean, you totally blew it. So, I mean, that's great.
Donna: You know, by telling me I blew it, you basically just blew it.
Eric: And I was doing so good here with the jacket and the coffee and holding your hair back. I was so in.
Donna: You're still in.
Eric: Look, Donna, I want to be your boyfriend. And you're all I ever think about. Will you wear my class ring?
Donna: Yes.
Eric: Yes? [leans into kiss Donna]
Donna: You know, why don't we kiss on it later?
Eric: Oh, right. The vomit. No, wait. You know what? I don't care. You're my girlfriend. [kisses Donna]

Quote from Red

Kitty: Oh, my gosh, that is a snazzy jacket.
Red: Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit.
Eric: Oh, come on, Dad. Leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them.
Red: Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me.
Bob: [enters in a leisure suit] Hey, there, Eric. Ooh, looking sharp for your big date?

Quote from Donna

Donna: I love your little butt, Eric.
Eric: Oh.
Donna: It's so little.
Eric: Okay. Um...
Donna: And you're so good, Eric. You're so darn good.
Eric: I think it's coffee time.
Donna: You're so good, it makes me hot.
Eric: Or time for another Iced Tea maybe.

Quote from Hyde

Kelso: Tonight, I learned there's a price to be paid for doing it. She said, "forever," man. And I think she meant it.
Fez: The inside of my mouth feels like cotton. As if cotton was in my mouth.
Hyde: Kelso, man, women are like muffins, okay? And once you've had a muffin, man, you will put up with anything to have another muffin. And they know that. Now she really owns you, man.
Eric: Hyde, you sure know a lot about women. But, I mean, you've never really had a steady girlfriend. So, what's that all about?
Hyde: I'll tell you what that's all about, Forman. My mind is pure, man. I don't fall victim to the female race. I'm here, sans girlfriend, to help you guys out.
Fez: Then I have a question, Hyde. How much masturbation is too much?
Hyde: No such thing as too much, Fez.

Quote from Red

Red: God darn! That is a snazzy jacket. Yes, sir. Brown is your color.
Eric: Thanks, Dad. [Kitty holds up a camera] No, no, Mom. No, no, no.
Red: Order the dinner. A la carte's a sucker's bet. And remember, pull the chair out for her. The small fork is for the salad. And this jacket's gotta last you all the way through college so don't spill any crap on it.

Quote from Donna

Eric: Donna, um, about tomorrow night. I was thinking that maybe you and I could go out to dinner. For Valentine's Day?
Donna: Oh, Hyde asked me to study at the library.
Eric: Well, I mean, you can do that anytime, right?
Donna: Um, yeah. Yeah, I'd love to go.
Eric: That's great. Um... So then it's a... It's a date.
Donna: Our first.
Eric: Yeah, if you don't count all the times I mauled you.
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Um...
Donna: Which I don't.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: So, if Eric and Donna are going out Saturday night that means we have no wheels.
Jackie: Well, I can borrow my dad's car.
Kelso: Ooh. [chuckles] It's a Lincoln. Leather. Ooh, ooh! You know what we should do? We should ditch Hyde and Fez and make out in the backseat.
Fez: You said that out loud.
Kelso: Yeah, I don't care.

Quote from Fez

Jackie: Hey, yeah, I know. We can go shopping for clogs. Pick me up at 7:00. [exits]
Hyde: Well, have fun, man. I'm out.
Kelso: Oh, we won't be shopping. We'll be doing it. Again. 'Cause that's what we do. We do it! [laughs]
Fez: Then I'm in.
Kelso: No, you're not invited, Fez.
Fez: Then I'm out.

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