Fez Quotes Page 1 of 53    

Quote from A Legal Matter

Red: Okay, I think that we've been reviewing long enough. Let's see what you've learnt. I'll start you off with an easy one. Where do you live?
Fez: Amedica.
Red: It's pronounced America.
Fez: That's what I said, Amedica.
Red: America.
Fez: Amedica.

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Quote from Going Mobile

Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.

Quote from Going Mobile

Hyde: Ready? One, two, three. Cockroach beats nuclear bomb. That is 38 wins in a row. I think it's safe to say that I'm the best man.
Fez: No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just noticed something. Cockroach always wins. One more time, for all the marbles.
Hyde: Fine. One, two, three. [Hyde plays foot and Fez plays cockroach]
Fez: Foot, I forgot about foot. So foot always wins. One more time. Winner, best man, period.
Hyde: One, two, three.
Fez: Bomb! Nuclear bomb beats foot. It's like everything in this game loses to something else!
Hyde: Yes, it's exactly like that.
Fez: Wait, except... Aha! I was so blind. Nuclear bomb beats everything. One more time, winner take all.
Hyde: One, two, three. [Hyde plays cockroach and Fez plays nuclear bomb]
Fez: I'm going home.

Quote from Halloween

Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Quote from Reefer Madness

Hyde: Look, Forman. I appreciate what you're trying to do, you know? But you getting into trouble is not going to help me get out of trouble, okay? Okay?
Eric: Okay.
Hyde: Okay. Everybody just stop worrying, all right? I'll be fine.
Fez: Yes. It will be good for you in the FotoHut. Maybe you will develop some character. [laughs] Get it? Develop? [laughs] Oh, fine. I guess I'm not funny. Kiss my brown ass.

Quote from Dine and Dash

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Quote from Romantic Weekend

Fez: Okay, Jackie, I have some really terrible news about Kelso that will make us both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Yeah. I already know. Pam Macy made this big announcement in gym.
Fez: [laughs] [chuckles] Jackie, this is where we both laugh a lot.
Jackie: Actually, Fez, I don't find it that funny. I kinda feel sad for him.
Fez: But you hate him. He totally screwed you over.
Jackie: Yeah, but he's grown up a lot since then. And he's suffered, and I'm over it by now. Poor Michael.
Fez: Poor Michael? Well, I see I have wasted my time talking to you. Good day, miss.
Jackie: Wait, Fez.
Fez: I said good day.

Quote from Kitty's Birthday (Is That Today?!)

Fez: I don't ever have to worry about forgetting Caroline's birthday. She wrote it on my arm with permanent marker. Isn't she sweet?
Hyde: More like psycho.
Fez: What are you doing calling my girlfriend psycho?
Hyde: Oh, I'm sorry, Fez, did I say psycho? I meant nut bag, head case, wackadoo. She chokes herself, man.
Fez: Well, Hyde, maybe- Maybe you should- Maybe you should choke yourself! Good day.
Hyde: Fez.
Fez: I said good day!

Quote from Fez Dates Donna

[Eric and Donna kiss]
Fez: Excuse me. Our date is not over. Now, good day, sir.
Eric: But, Fez-
Fez: I said good day.
Eric: Fez, I'm not going anywhere.
Fez: Fine. Then good day. [walks away]
Donna: Fez.
Fez: I said good day!

Quote from The Promise Ring

Fez: [shouts] Hello, ladies!
Hyde: No, man, that's not how you do it. You gotta be aloof.
Fez: Did you just call me a "loof"? Because if so, I'll have to kick you in your 'nads.
Hyde: No, man. Aloof. Distant. Zen.
Fez: Well, that's not what loof means in my language.
Hyde: Look, I don't care what you think it means, that's what it means here.
Fez: You're the loof.
Hyde: Fez, it's not-
Fez: I said loof!

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