Hyde: Fez, man, why were you staying at the record store?
Fez: Well, last week my Bible-thumping host parents found out that I already graduated, so they kicked me out and took all my money as back rent. And then they gave me a Bible.
Angie: Well, I wish you'd been reading that instead of the porno magazines I found in my office.
Fez: You know, Angie, some things you could keep to yourself.
Hyde: I don't understand why you didn't just ask us for help. I mean, we're your friends.
Fez: It was my damn Latin pride.
Red: So you're Latin.
Fez: No, just my pride is. And I also have a Swiss sense of frugality.

Donna: Eric, how did you get "Jedi" from "staircase"?
Eric: Uh, Donna, the path to becoming a Jedi has many steps, duh.

Red: Hey, I'm watching Perry Mason.
Kitty: Oh, guess what? Perry Mason wins.
Red: It's not if he wins, it's how. That's the magic, damn it.

Fez: Okay, the game is Password. The box says, "Using one-word clues, get your partner to say the secret word without using the word yourself."
Donna: Okay, what if...
Fez: Donna, please. I already read the box.
Donna: But, Fez...
Fez: I said box.

Kelso: You guys, I just took my baby girl to the playground, and she's just like her daddy. She's way cuter than all the other babies, and she eats bugs.
Jackie: Wow, Michael, you've spent every weekend this month with Betsy. The only other thing you've done this consistently was cheat on me.
Hyde: That's not true, he also glues himself to stuff with amazing regularity.

Kelso: Look, Brooke is totally starting to trust me now with Betsy, and she's letting me pick out Betsy's godparents. And she only has one rule, it can't be Fez.
Fez: Well, that is a smart rule.
Donna: Godparents? Like we need any more responsibilities.
Eric: I know, such a burden. [chuckles]
Kelso: Okay, so I've been thinking about this a lot, all right? And it's a big deal, so... Eric, Donna.
Eric: Uh-oh.
Kelso: Please, skootch over so I can ask Hyde and Jackie if they'll be Betsy's godparents.
Eric: What the hell?
Donna: Hyde and Jackie?
Jackie: We win. I was voted most popular, best legs, and now, Godmother. What can't I do?
Fez: And the password is burn.

Kitty: Well, I think you would make a great godparent, Eric. You were so sweet with your pet fish. Remember, you'd feed it potato chips and say, [British accent] "Look, everybody, fish and chips."
Red: All I remember is flushing it down the toilet when he killed it. Who takes a fish out of the tank?
Eric: I just needed to hug something.

Donna: Why do you think Kelso didn't choose us?
Kitty: Well, picking godparents can be very nerve-racking. When Laurie was born, we agonized over that decision for weeks.
Red: And we chose well. Mike and Cookie were good people.
Eric: Wait, so, who are my godparents?
Kitty: Well, they're the... [mumbles] The Hoffenschnoppers.
Eric: I'm sorry, the who?
Kitty: The Hingingloobers.
Eric: Okay, I think you just said the Hoffenschnoppers, and then you said the Hingingloobers. And I'm not sure, but I don't think we know any Hoffenschnoppers or Hingingloobers. Come on, what's supposed to happen to me if you guys die?
Red: Maybe you'll finally move out and get a job.

Jackie: You know, the responsibilities of being a godmother never ends. You know, I spent all day buying matching outfits. You know, life is so much more fulfilling now that I'm shopping for two.
Donna: Okay, being a godmother isn't all about buying stuff.
Jackie: Oh, yeah? What's it about then?
Donna: Oh, you don't know, either.
Kelso: [enters] You guys, great news. Brooke is gonna let me have Betsy on the weekends.
Jackie: Oh, my God. If Betsy's coming here on weekends, we're gonna need matching godmother-goddaughter badminton skirts.
Donna: Now you're just trying to make me mad.

Kitty: Well, I am proud of you, Michael, getting so involved in your baby's life. A child needs a strong, loving father.
Kelso: Well, I am glad you feel that way. So you won't mind, when Betsy visits, if we stay up in Laurie's room?
Red: No. No babies. We get enough crying around here with Eric.
Kelso: Come on, Laurie's not using it. It's a great room with a very comfortable bed.
Red: How the hell would you know that?
Kelso: The... Laurie always had such good posture. That indicates a quality mattress.
Kitty: What's wrong with your house, honey?
Kelso: It's not safe. If my brothers don't step on her, one of the dogs probably will.
Jackie: You have dogs?
Kelso: No, we don't know whose they are.