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‘Who's Been Sleeping Here?’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

That '70s Show: Who's Been Sleeping Here?

719. Who's Been Sleeping Here?

Aired March 23, 2005

Kelso chooses godparents for Betsy. Meanwhile, somebody keeps breaking into the record store at night.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Fez, man, why were you staying at the record store?
Fez: Well, last week my Bible-thumping host parents found out that I already graduated, so they kicked me out and took all my money as back rent. And then they gave me a Bible.
Angie: Well, I wish you'd been reading that instead of the porno magazines I found in my office.
Fez: You know, Angie, some things you could keep to yourself.
Hyde: I don't understand why you didn't just ask us for help. I mean, we're your friends.
Fez: It was my damn Latin pride.
Red: So you're Latin.
Fez: No, just my pride is. And I also have a Swiss sense of frugality.

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Quote from Eric

Donna: Eric, how did you get "Jedi" from "staircase"?
Eric: Uh, Donna, the path to becoming a Jedi has many steps, duh.

Quote from Red

Red: Hey, I'm watching Perry Mason.
Kitty: Oh, guess what? Perry Mason wins.
Red: It's not if he wins, it's how. That's the magic, damn it.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Okay, the game is Password. The box says, "Using one-word clues, get your partner to say the secret word without using the word yourself."
Donna: Okay, what if...
Fez: Donna, please. I already read the box.
Donna: But, Fez...
Fez: I said box.

Quote from Jackie

Kelso: You guys, I just took my baby girl to the playground, and she's just like her daddy. She's way cuter than all the other babies, and she eats bugs.
Jackie: Wow, Michael, you've spent every weekend this month with Betsy. The only other thing you've done this consistently was cheat on me.
Hyde: That's not true, he also glues himself to stuff with amazing regularity.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Look, Brooke is totally starting to trust me now with Betsy, and she's letting me pick out Betsy's godparents. And she only has one rule, it can't be Fez.
Fez: Well, that is a smart rule.
Donna: Godparents? Like we need any more responsibilities.
Eric: I know, such a burden. [chuckles]
Kelso: Okay, so I've been thinking about this a lot, all right? And it's a big deal, so... Eric, Donna.
Eric: Uh-oh.
Kelso: Please, skootch over so I can ask Hyde and Jackie if they'll be Betsy's godparents.
Eric: What the hell?
Donna: Hyde and Jackie?
Jackie: We win. I was voted most popular, best legs, and now, Godmother. What can't I do?
Fez: And the password is burn.

Quote from Eric

Kitty: Well, I think you would make a great godparent, Eric. You were so sweet with your pet fish. Remember, you'd feed it potato chips and say, [British accent] "Look, everybody, fish and chips."
Red: All I remember is flushing it down the toilet when he killed it. Who takes a fish out of the tank?
Eric: I just needed to hug something.

Quote from Kitty

Donna: Why do you think Kelso didn't choose us?
Kitty: Well, picking godparents can be very nerve-racking. When Laurie was born, we agonized over that decision for weeks.
Red: And we chose well. Mike and Cookie were good people.
Eric: Wait, so, who are my godparents?
Kitty: Well, they're the... [mumbles] The Hoffenschnoppers.
Eric: I'm sorry, the who?
Kitty: The Hingingloobers.
Eric: Okay, I think you just said the Hoffenschnoppers, and then you said the Hingingloobers. And I'm not sure, but I don't think we know any Hoffenschnoppers or Hingingloobers. Come on, what's supposed to happen to me if you guys die?
Red: Maybe you'll finally move out and get a job.

Quote from Jackie

Jackie: You know, the responsibilities of being a godmother never ends. You know, I spent all day buying matching outfits. You know, life is so much more fulfilling now that I'm shopping for two.
Donna: Okay, being a godmother isn't all about buying stuff.
Jackie: Oh, yeah? What's it about then?
Donna: Oh, you don't know, either.
Kelso: [enters] You guys, great news. Brooke is gonna let me have Betsy on the weekends.
Jackie: Oh, my God. If Betsy's coming here on weekends, we're gonna need matching godmother-goddaughter badminton skirts.
Donna: Now you're just trying to make me mad.

Quote from Kelso

Kitty: Well, I am proud of you, Michael, getting so involved in your baby's life. A child needs a strong, loving father.
Kelso: Well, I am glad you feel that way. So you won't mind, when Betsy visits, if we stay up in Laurie's room?
Red: No. No babies. We get enough crying around here with Eric.
Kelso: Come on, Laurie's not using it. It's a great room with a very comfortable bed.
Red: How the hell would you know that?
Kelso: The... Laurie always had such good posture. That indicates a quality mattress.
Kitty: What's wrong with your house, honey?
Kelso: It's not safe. If my brothers don't step on her, one of the dogs probably will.
Jackie: You have dogs?
Kelso: No, we don't know whose they are.

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