[circle:]
Fez: I am telling you, I heard it. The devil is singing backwards on the record.
Hyde: [coughs] It's not the devil, man. It's Congress. They passed a secret law to put backward messages in our records, man. They want to kill rock and roll because they know it makes us horny, man.
Eric: Doesn't, uh... Doesn't pretty much everything make us horny?
Kelso: Cartoons make me horny. Oh, and food.
Fez: When you play the record backwards, you can hear the devil speak. I am starting to hear him everywhere. [whimpers]
Hyde: [incoherent chattering]
[After the camera pans over to Eric, it pans counter-clockwise back to Hyde]
Hyde: Satan is your master, Fez. Worship Satan.
Fez: [whining]
Hyde: Before you worship Satan, get him a cherry pop. Get Satan a cherry pop. Get Satan a cherry pop. A pop, man. Get me a pop. Fez, man, get me a pop!
Fez: Oh, I'm sorry. I misunderstood.
Hyde: Satan's second choice is root beer.
Fez: Ay!

Fez: Oh, no. Dick Tracy is trapped in a giant clam. Farewell, sweet Dick!
Hyde: A man being eaten by a giant clam. Now, I'm not Sigmund Freud, but...

Kitty: Okay, you know what this is, Red?
Red: Some lady magazine.
Kitty: It's Cosmo.
Red: Oh, no.
Kitty: I'm gonna tell you something, Red. I just took the "how spontaneous is your relationship?" quiz. And you know what?
Red: What?
Kitty: We got three out of ten. And I cheated.

Police Officer: Okay, kids, break it up. Let's go. Whoa. Hey, you're adults.
Red: Damn right we're adults.
Police Officer: I'm sorry, sir. My mistake.
Red: That's quite all right, we all make mistakes. Now, why don't you go bust some pot-smoking teenagers before I give you a good adult-size kick in the ass.
Police Officer: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Enjoy your evening. [walks off]
Kitty: Oh, Red. That was so sweet. [laughs] You let him off with a warning.
Red: Yeah. But you're not getting off that easy.
Kitty: Oh, Red!

Kelso: Eric. The Omen is playing at the drive-in. You know what this means for us? It's make-out city.
Eric: I really like you as a friend, Kelso. Can I bring a girl?
Kelso: Yeah. Man, it's gonna be great. Horror movies turn on chicks faster than porno.
Hyde: Really? Faster than that?
Kelso: Yeah. If only somebody would make a porno horror movie.
Eric: Oh, yeah. Then there'd be no stopping you.
Red: Eric. Is that kid from... not America down here?
Eric: Dad, it's Fez.
Red: Yeah, whatever. The Erdmans called and they want him... to... go home! Kelso, stop saying "porno."
Kelso: I didn't say it, Mr. Forman. Fez did.
Fez: You are a bitch.

Kitty: So. Here we are. Back at Phillies.
Red: Yep. Good old Phillies. Good food at a fair price.
Kitty: You're ordering the Salisbury steak, aren't you?
Red: Nope. I'm going for the ham.
Kitty: Red, don't put your hat on the counter, it's all greasy.
Red: Hey, pal, can I get some half-and-half?
Kitty: Well, isn't this familiar?
[The camera pans out to show a scene reminiscent of Edward Hopper's The Nighthawks:]

Red: Gee, I can't help but notice that you're pouting.
Kitty: Oh, no. I'm not pouting. That would upset our routine. God knows, I wouldn't want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything.
Red: Okay. Here's a thought. How about you and I treat ourselves to a night out? Just the two of us.
Kitty: Well, that'd be great, Red.
Red: We'll go to Phillies.
Kitty: Phillies, huh? So you'll have the Salisbury steak, and I'll have the baked chicken. Again.
Red: Well, maybe I won't have the Salisbury steak. I enjoy their ham.
Kitty: Oh, ham. Okay, then I can change one answer on the quiz. So, okay, we have four out of ten. We have moved up from "predictable as the tides" to "humdrum." [laughs] I'll just go change.
Red: [sighs] Damn Cosmo. [looks at magazine] Ooh.

Jackie: The Omen? That's at the drive-in.
Donna: I know. I don't know what to do. I mean, I really like Eric and I'd like to have a physical relationship, but...
Jackie: It's called, "make out," Donna. Say it.
Donna: All right, make out. But I don't want it to be public. I don't want it to be tacky, I don't want there to be pressure and now it's this tacky, public pressure make-out thing.
Jackie: I understand. Everybody wants their first make-out to be special in some place romantic. Like Ireland. Or Disney World.
Donna: Disney World?
Jackie: Right, sorry.

[split-screen between Eric and Kelso talking and Jackie and Donna talking:]
Jackie: So, let's focus. He asked you to the drive-in.
Kelso: Did Donna say yes?
Jackie: And you said "yes"?
Eric & Donna: Yes.
Kelso: Yes! This is great. Me and Jackie will come with you.
Eric: No.
Donna: Will you come with us?
Jackie: Why?
Kelso: Why not?
Eric: You'd be like competition.
Donna: You'd be like a loophole.

[split-screen between Eric and Kelso talking and Jackie and Donna talking:]
Eric: I'd have to keep up with you and Jackie. That would make me nervous.
Donna: I could always talk to you if I get nervous. 'Cause you've got to be bored with sex by now.
Kelso & Jackie: What do you mean?
Eric: You and Jackie-
Donna: You and Kelso have done it a million times.
Kelso: True.
Jackie: We have never done it.
Kelso: Yeah. Slid into home on the second date.
Jackie: He got to third base once and that was an accident.