311. Who Wants It More?
Aired January 10, 2001
Eric and Donna can barely keep their hands off each other as they work on a history paper together, until Eric laughs at Donna's opinion and triggers a cold war between the pair. Meanwhile, Red has a near death experience.
Quote from Donna
Eric: Donna, we've gotta get this thing done. This report is due in six hours.
Donna: Yeah, Eric. I've been thinking about it. This whole Cold War standoff? It's ridiculous. Neither side is getting what it wants.
Eric: So, what you're saying is by hurting each other, they're actually hurting themselves.
Donna: Yeah. It must be incredibly frustrating for both sides. Both of them are just building up and building up. The urge to launch a first strike must be overwhelming and painful.
Eric: You know, Donna, in a lot of ways, what we're going through here is just like the Cuban missile crisis... except in our case, it's a missile crisis.
Donna: Eric, you're right. It's time for détente. [they kiss]
Eric: Wait. What about our disagreement?
Donna: I don't care. You win, okay? [Eric chuckles] What?
Eric: It's just- I can't believe you caved. Wait until I tell Hyde. No. No! Where are you going?
Donna: Suddenly I'm... I'm not in the mood.
Eric: You're lying! Donna, we're past the point of no return here.
Donna: Eric, girls don't have a point of no return. So see you tomorrow.
Donna: Yes, Eric?
Eric: I cave.
Donna: Oh, thank God, 'cause I was just bluffing.
Quote from Donna
Eric: Wait. So what are you saying? You're gonna hold out on me until I agree with you? Because that's not gonna work, Donna.
Donna: First of all, I'm not holding out on you. And second of all, if I did, it would so work.
Eric: Okay, well, you know what? I think that is what you're doing. So try this dress on for size! I'm cutting you off! Yeah!
Donna: Is that supposed to be a threat?
Eric: Supposed to be. Yeah.
Donna: Okay. If you wanna do this, we'll do this. But you're gonna cave, and I'm gonna laugh. Yeah!
Quote from Leo
Leo: I saw a U.F.O. once, man. It was awesome. It just hung in the air. Then it sent me a message in big, bright yellow letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.
Hyde: Did this, by any chance, happen at a football game?
Leo: Yeah, man. And the weird thing was, I was the only one freaking out about it. Wait a second. Good year? Ah, it was a terrible year, man. Stupid aliens.
Quote from Midge
Donna: Mom, can I ask you a question? In your relationship with Dad, have you ever let an argument cross into other parts of your relationship?
Midge: What do you mean?
Donna: You know, I mean, do you ever... not have sex with Dad?
Midge: Sure! I'm not having sex with him right now.
Donna: No, Mom, I mean, like, in an argument, to get your way.
Midge: You can do that?
Donna: Yeah. I just wonder if it's wrong.
Midge: Donna, you're saying by my not having sex with your father I can get him to paint the bathroom?
Donna: Yeah. But don't you think it hurts the relationship?
Midge: Blah, blah, blah! I'm getting my bathroom painted!
Quote from Red
Kitty: Are you having fun?
Red: No. Turns out I was mistaken. Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you. I- I just wanna spend it with people I really, really love. Like you and, uh... Well, mostly just you. [taps glass] Everybody. Thanks for being here. And I just wanna say... when my time comes, I wanna be buried face down so that anyone who doesn't like me can kiss my ass.
Quote from Eric
Eric: [inner monologue] Holy crap! She is so sexy. Be strong. Fight back. Use the look.
Donna: [inner monologue] Oh, no. Not the look. It's so- Wait. I find this hot? What is wrong with me? Come on, Pinciotti. Counterattack. [drops pencil] [out loud] Oops.
Eric: [inner monologue] Look away! Oh, I can't look away. Must touch. No! Be strong. [clears throat] [out loud] Well, Donna, if you would refer to page 83- [blows]
Donna: [inner monologue] Oh, the ear! Damn him! Wait. Must win this for womankind. Must crush Eric.
Eric: [inner monologue] Red alert. She is touching your thigh!
Donna: [inner monologue] Oh, no. Plan backfiring. Thigh is so warm, inviting. Bony, but nice.
Kitty: Donna, your mother's on the Phone.
Donna: Oh, thank God!
Kitty: Eric, everything all right?
Eric: Fine. Shut the door, please.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: I just saw a U.F.O.!
Hyde: Oh, my God. What an unbelievable coincidence. I was just telling Fez about how dumb you are.
Kelso: [momentarily silent] Okay. No. So I'm out in the field, right? And there it was. It was in the air, and it had lights, and it was, like... [whirring noise] [whirring noise]
Fez: That's a U.F.O., all right.
Hyde: Hang on, Fez. Kelso, remember that time you thought you saw the Abominable Snowman?
Hyde: Do you remember what it turned out to be?
Kelso: Just a regular snowman.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Okay. Seriously, we gotta do this thing.
Donna: You're right. Eric, no more study breaks.
Eric: Uh, right. From now on, all business.
Donna: The arms race began with the massive buildup of bombers by the Soviet Union.
Eric: Actually, the United States started the arms buildup.
Donna: No, they didn't. What about the bomber gap?
Eric: Bomber gap? [chuckles] What? That's so cute. Bombers by the United States. [goes to kiss Donna]
Donna: What are you doing?
Eric: Study break?
Donna: Get bent. [shoves Eric off the bed]
Eric: Ow. Oh, there's my underwear.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Hey, Donna. What's wrong?
Donna: Eric, you can't just ignore my ideas.
Eric: Oh. Donna. You'll get the same "A" I get. Relax, baby.
Donna: Eric, I can't relax 'cause you're wrong, and I'm right.
Eric: Okay. Okay. I think we need to clear our heads with a nice study break.
Donna: Eric, knock it off. I'm not in the mood for a stupid study break.
Eric: What? Why? Because I disagree with you?
Donna: It has nothing to do with that.
Eric: Really, Donna? Because up until now, we were going at it like rabbits who had just gotten out of prison.
Quote from Red
Kitty: What is all that noise?
Red: Oh, Bob's cutting down a tree in his front yard.
Kitty: By himself? Doesn't he know that's incredibly dangerous?
Red: Yeah, but you know what they say about Bob. "He's stupid."
Kitty: Oh, Red. Is that any way to talk about a friend?
Red: A stupid friend. [creaking]
Bob: [o.s.] Timber! Oh, no.