Jackie: Thank you for helping me, Mrs. Forman. Steven is gonna love these cookies.
Kitty: Okay, now start by cracking a couple of eggs into the bowl.
Jackie: I can't touch an egg.
Kitty: Why not?
Jackie: 'Cause it came out of a chicken butt.
Kitty: Honey, they wash it.
Jackie: Well, wash it all you want, it still came out of a butt.

Kitty: Excuse me, Mr. Record Store Big Shot, I need some help. Where can I find something by Bette Midler?
Hyde: Well, we don't have any Bette Midler, but may I suggest something even better? Perhaps a little Sex Pistols?
Kitty: Sex Pistols? Well, that's terrible. Guns don't belong in the bedroom.
Hyde: They agree, and a lot of their songs are about just that. And they deliver their message with a smooth, mellow sound.
Kitty: So it's like easy listening.
Hyde: Well, they're not hard to hear.

Donna: Okay. Now, I would like to hear from some pissed-off feminists. You're on the air with Hot Donna. Or, should I say, Hot-under-the-collar Donna.
Kitty: [on line] Donna Pinciotti, you should be ashamed of yourself. Suddenly you think women shouldn't be looked at. Well, I've seen your outfits, Miss Lady Tank Top.
Donna: Mrs. Forman, this isn't about me, it's about society.
Kitty: No, it's about Red, who's been like a second father to you, and now finally he has something to be proud of and you're forcing your weirdo hippie politics on it. It's just a couple of greased-up broads on a Chevy. Get over it!

Kitty: Steven, I can't believe you thought I'd like these Sex Pistols. I don't want anything this loud and crabby in my house if I'm not married to it.
Hyde: I'm sorry, Mrs. Forman. I'll make it up to you. Have you ever heard of a band called Judas Priest?
Kitty: Well, that's what Judas needed, a priest. Are they spiritual?
Hyde: I listen to them every Sunday.

Red: Steven, the store is great. I'm proud of you.
Hyde: Thank you.
Eric: Whoa, Hyde, I want you to really savor this moment. Red's only nice every 75 years. Yeah. He's kind of like the Halley's Comet of compliments. I got one the first time I used the potty and... Yeah, since then, nothing.
Red: What am I supposed to do? Compliment you every time you go to the can?
Eric: See?
Red: All these kids, wasting their money on records. You'd think they could be down at my muffler shop buying mufflers. You're all stupid.

Hyde: Look, in my town there are two rules. One, don't date Kelso. Two, don't date Kelso.
Eric: Yeah, it even says that on the sign when you drive into town. "Welcome to Point Place. Don't date Kelso."
Donna: The high school band spells that out during half time.
Angie Barnett: Look, I'm not dating Michael. We went out one time, but it's not gonna happen again. I need a guy who can eat a bread stick without pretending it's a cigar first.
Jackie: Okay, the thing is, Angie... Michael's like chocolate cake, okay? It looks good in the bakery, but when you take it home, it sleeps with all your friends.

Donna: If you want, I could plug your store on my next radio show.
Red: That'd be great, and tell them I'm giving away calendars.
Donna: Okay. Well, the only problem is I don't know how many people will hear it. I used to think I had a lot of listeners 'cause I had a lot of call-ins. But it turns out it was just one crazy guy doing different voices. You may know him as Fez.

Eric: Yeah. Hey, Donna, what kind of food am I?
Donna: Um... I don't know, I guess, a Twizzler.
Eric: What?
Donna: No, it's a good thing. You can have a lot of them and not even notice.
Fez: You're just gonna sit there and take that? Of course you are. You're a Twizzler.

Kelso: Are you closed yet or what? I've been waiting in the parking lot for, like, forever.
Angie Barnett: I didn't see you out there.
Kelso: That's 'cause I was hiding in the bushes by your car. I figured when I jumped out, you'd be so relieved it was me that you'd go out with me again.
Angie Barnett: Why didn't you just ask me out?
Kelso: I don't know. I was gonna but you're so pretty and successful and... Plus, I kind of like hiding in the bushes.
Angie Barnett: Michael, I appreciate the offer, but I'm not sure you're my type.
Kelso: "Not your type"? I'm like ketchup, I go good on everything.

Kelso: Okay, all right. Look, Angie, I really want to go out with you again, okay? And I got about 50 lines that I could throw at you right now, but I don't wanna do that because I don't want you to go out with me because of some line. I want you to go out with me 'cause you like me as much as I like you.
Angie Barnett: Are you telling me that's not a line?
Kelso: Well, it's not now, but if it works, I can add it to the list.