Fez: You know, I have been called many names since coming to this country, but I have never been treated like that before.
Kelso: Look, Fez unfortunately, there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin or your funny accent, or that girlie little way you run. But you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the Martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green, and they know people are gonna make fun of 'em.
Fez: You said it, brother. I just wish there were someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.
Kelso: [chuckles] Well, that's Canada. Yup. Good old Canada. They don't make generalizations about people 'cause they're too busy playing hockey or getting drunk or putting maple syrup on their ham.

Eric: Hey. I-l-I heard a scary noise.
Red: Good God. Are you nude?
Eric: No. I'm wearing my toga. [clattering]
Kitty: There it is again.
Eric: That's it. I'm getting my bat.
Red: All right. Calm down. It's probably just Steven trying to sneak out.
Kitty: What if it's not Steven? What if the burglar has Steven?
Red: Well, then we'll try to talk him into taking Eric too.
Eric: Okay. Let's do this.
Red: Look at him. Bare-assed and holding a plastic bat. That's your son, Kitty.

Fez: Guys, I don't know what's going on with Nina. I keep asking to meet her parents, but she keeps making excuses.
Kelso: It's probably the same reason I won't let you meet my parents. She's afraid you're gonna say something weird and embarrass her.
Fez: Oh, please. I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-assed son-of-a-bitch.
Eric: Hey, Fez. Right there. That's, like- That's, like, a really weird thing to say.

Donna: Dad, I think you're missing the point. We need to find Jackie someplace to stay, you know where she won't be all alone.
Hyde: I can get her a room at the hotel I work at.
Kitty: No, Jackie is not staying in a hotel. We have an empty room right here.
Red: Kitty, every time we have an empty room, you wanna fill it up with a stray child. You're like the old lady who lived in a shoe.
Kitty: Did you just call me "old"?

Hyde: Are you all gonna be here for this? 'cause I don't think Jackie's gonna be cool with that.
Kitty: Well, Steven, everybody needs support. Like this one time, I left the supermarket in a really bad mood, and then I met these very nice people, the Hare Krishnas. They sang me a song. They gave me some rice. It was just the little pickup I needed. You know, if I hadn't had to make dinner, I might've gotten into their van. [laughs]

[Red and Kitty are woken up in the middle of the night by a clattering]
Kitty: It's the A-bomb! Duck and cover!
Red: I bet Eric's trying to sneak out.
Kitty: Red, Red. Wait. Wait. What if it's a burglar?
Red: What's a burglar gonna steal from us?
Kitty: My Shirley Temple figurines. Oh, I knew I shouldn't have told Liz Anderson about them. Her nephew's been in jail, you know. [Schotzie whimpers]
Red: Oh! Look at this. Some guard dog. You know, we could be trampled by Mongolians, this thing wouldn't even wag its tail.

Kitty: Your mom's not back yet? You told me she came home.
Jackie: Could we not talk about this? I'm fine. Okay? Everything is fine.
Kitty: But if you need a place-
Jackie: No, no, no. I don't need anything. I'm only here 'cause... I am such a tramp. So, I should just go home and try to control my dirty urges.
Hyde: Jackie, you're not going home. There's nobody there.
Red: All right. Look, Jackie. Tonight you can sleep in Laurie's room and then tomorrow, we'll track down your floozy mother.
Kitty: Honey, do you have any idea where she might be?
Jackie: Well, the last postcard I got had a picture of some guy with a bone through his nose. What is that, like, Tennessee?

Donna: Jackie, I can't believe your parents are gone. I'm so sorry.
Jackie: Okay, everybody needs to stop worrying about me. I'm fine. I mean, how could I not be? Mrs. Forman did my hair and made me smiley-faced pancakes. Eric, this house is like a shabby hotel with really great service.

Red: Oh, look. Mr. Nude is helping.
Bob: Mr. Nude, huh? That was my nickname in college.
Donna: Dad, you didn't go to college.
Bob: Didn't stop me from getting a nickname.

Eric: Okay. Okay. Here's what I think.
Red: Oh, hey, everybody! Mr. Nude has an opinion. I'm sure we're all interested in what Mr. Nude has to say. Floor's all yours... Mr. Nude.
Eric: Never mind.
Red: Well, I guess he was just thinking about being nude.