Kelso: Think we'll see any bears? I'd love to kill a bear.
Red: You can't shoot a bear, it's deer season. You shoot a bear, you get fined, you go to jail.
Kelso: No, I'll just say it was self-defense. Who is the jury gonna believe, me or a dead bear?
All: A dead bear.

Eric: Dad, I know how to shoot. Don't you remember my Taxi Driver phase? I didn't want to kill him. I missed on purpose.
Red: Well, I can respect that more than you being a crappy shot.
Eric: What?
Red: Why didn't you say so?
Eric: Why do you think?
Red: You really think I've been yelling at you for 17 years?
Eric: No. You were probably okay with me as an infant. I just can't remember.

Kelso: I have a right to bear arms, all right? That's in the Constitution.
Fez: Kelso, not everything in the Constitution makes sense.
Eric: Whoa, Fez. Shut up.
Red: What did you say?
Fez: Uh, nothing.
Bob: Foreigners.
Red: I hear you.

Midge: So it's a stand-off. I won't shave my legs, Bob won't shave his back.
Donna: Okay, ew!
Kitty: You know, Red doesn't have a hairy back, and thank God for that. No offense.
Jackie: Good news for you, Donna. That means Eric probably won't have one either.
Donna: He can't even grow a mustache.
Kitty: Oh, please. Eric's body is bald as can be. You know, I don't even think he hit puberty until about 15. [laughs]
Donna: Really?
Kitty: Oh, he probably won't like that I said that.

Red: Boy, it was right around 13 when you started getting a little lippy. And twitchy.
Eric: Well, you know, lippy and twitchy tend to walk hand-in-hand, so...
Red: See? Now that's lippy. You got something you want to say to me, you just say it.
Eric: Dad...
Red: No, I'm serious here. Just for a second, pretend that I'm not your dad. I want you to tell me what you really think of me.
Eric: How about let's do this when you don't have a gun?
Red: How about you do what the guy with the gun tells you to do?
Eric: Okay. I think you're angry because life didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted it to, and, uh, maybe you think if you yell at me, I won't let life push me around, too.
Red: You came up with that answer awful fast. Well... Hell, Eric. Maybe you'll be okay.

Red: Okay, we're going hunting.
Kitty: Well, yay!
Red: With Bob.
Kitty: Oh. Well, you know, maybe you'll cheer up after you shoot something.
Red: I always do.

[circle in the hunting lodge:]
Fez: Wow, those were some delicious birds. Key chain?
Hyde: No, I'm good. So you caught those birds with just a whistle and a stick? Very impressive, Fez.
Kelso: Yeah, you know, that's a good way to hunt, 'cause even if you don't get anything, you still have all the fun of a whistle and a stick.
Bob: I'll take the key chain. Give it to Midge. Little memento.
Fez: I feel good about that, Bob. Midge is nice.
Hyde: Yep, we all like Midge.
Kelso: Yeah, Midge has nice jugs.
Bob: What?
Kelso: What?
Bob: No, you said something.
Kelso: No, I didn't. So, what's up with your hair, huh?

Kitty: You know, why don't you go? It might be fun. Get out of the house, get some fresh air, maybe get out of your lousy damn mood. Sorry.
Red: I'd love to go, Kitty, but we just can't afford it.
Kitty: Oh, yes, we can. I will pack you some food and a nice box of bullets, and you're on your way. [laughs]
Eric: Dad, you could use the Pinciottis' cabin.
Red: Bob has a cabin? Well, isn't that just the cat's ass.
Kitty: Oh, boo-hoo, the world's unfair. Now just ask Bob if you can borrow his cabin.

Eric: Uh, Mom?
Kitty: Well, you should go. You don't spend nearly enough time with your father.
Eric: That's because he doesn't like me.
Kitty: Yes, he does like you. And that's no excuse.
Hyde: Well, I don't have a gun. My mom took it when she left.
Kitty: Well, you can share. You know, there is something about a gun that just makes you want to share.
Eric: Okay, fine, Mom. I'll go with Dad, but if I don't come back, you'll know who did it.
Hyde: You know, he's never really warmed up to you.
Eric: Going on 17 years now.

Kelso: Hey, Red, don't freak out, but if I see a deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna shoot him.
Red: Kelso, you fire that gun in this car and I will pull over and kick your ass for an hour.
Fez: Do it, Red, do it!