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2000 Light Years from Home

‘2000 Light Years from Home’

Season 7, Episode 22 -  Aired May 4, 2005

After Red admits he spent Eric's college fund on keeping the muffler store afloat, Eric reluctantly seeks help from his high school guidance counselor, Mr. Bray (Chris Elliott). Meanwhile, Kelso tries to respectfully break things off with Angie (Megalyn Echikunwoke).

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: Look, man, tell Donna to just lay off, okay? Africa is gonna be awesome. You know, they have this bug over there that burrows into your brain, and it lays, like, a thousand eggs. And then, when the eggs hatch, they, like, shoot out of your head like little worm bullets.
Eric: Kelso, those worms aren't in Africa. They're on the planet Zorgon, which is from a comic book that you wrote.
Kelso: Just trying to generate a little buzz.


Quote from Jackie

Eric: So, the upshot is I have absolutely no money for college.
Donna: Eric, don't worry, there are plenty of ways to get money for school.
Hyde: Yeah, man, you could always get a football scholarship.
Jackie: Hey, look, he weighs about as much as a football, and people do like to kick him.

Quote from Eric

Eric: Hey, great news. I'm on my way to becoming a teacher. I filled out all my college applications in red pen. [chuckles] That's a little... It's like a little teacher joke.

Quote from Red

Kitty: Well, now, look at him, out of bed and doing something productive before noon. Honey, you're like a Marine.
Red: A Marine? The only time I ever saw him storm a beach was when he was running away from a jellyfish.

Quote from Red

Eric: Dad, how am I supposed to pay for college?
Red: Look, with this damn mild winter, nobody's muffler rusted. I tried to rust them. I went out at night and sprinkled salt all over the streets.
Kitty: Not my good kosher salt?
Red: Yes, Kitty, I sprinkled the streets of Point Place with your half-pound bag of salt.

Quote from Kitty

Eric: Wait, Mom, you knew about this? And you just said, "Please, go ahead. Take my son's college money and use it on a muffler shop"?
Kitty: No. I think your father asked me if I thought you would amount to anything, and I said, "I really, really hope so." And then he said, "I'm spending Eric's college money on my muffler shop." And then I made the best blueberry cobbler I have ever made.
Hyde: Man, that was good.
Red: Best cobbler ever.
Eric: Huh! I remember that cobbler. I always wondered why, when I said it was so good, you said, "At least I can give you this," and started to cry.
Red: Well, look at the bright side. There's always a place for you at a failing muffler shop.

Quote from Fez

Fez: I know what you should do. You should go to Hollywood and become the next Gene Wilder. That guy's a laugh riot.

Quote from Fez

Kelso: Okay, I'm breaking up with Angie. All we have anymore is hot sex.
Fez: Hot sex? All I have is hot soup. Can't make love to that. Too damn hot.

Quote from Kelso

Donna: So, Kelso, you gonna break up with her your usual way? Send a note saying you got kidnapped by kung fu robots?
Kelso: No, it won't work with her. She doesn't even believe in kung fu robots.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Whoa. Kelso, you never break up with a girl to her face. You usually have me tell her you're dead. And then when she eventually sees you, you have me tell her you're a ghost.
Jackie: Michael, why don't you do what you did with me? Toilet paper my house.
Kelso: No, I can't do that to Angie. I respect her too much 'cause she agreed to have sex with me so fast.
Hyde: Look, I don't care how you do it. I'm just happy you won't be violating my sister anymore.
Kelso: Yeah, I know you hated it, Hyde. I would have broken up with her sooner if I didn't find it so hilarious. [Hyde punches Kelso's arm] Dude, you be nice or I will marry her.

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