Bob: When I woke up, her bag was packed and she left. Didn't even say where she was going.
Kitty: On the other hand we have pancakes with egg eyes and bacon smiley faces! [laughs]
Donna: The hash-brown hair is nice.
Bob: I can't believe she would just take off without even a hint or a warning.
Donna: No warning? Dad, she was always saying, "I'm unhappy, and I'm gonna leave."
Bob: Honey, that's just what married people say.
Donna: Did she say where she was going?
Kitty: Well, um... She said she was going to California to- to be a star on Broadway. So...
Bob: Oh, Midgie. She may not have been smart, but she sure was sweet. And built too, boy.

Kelso: All right. Let's not get bummed out, guys, okay? There are a lot of other hot older women out there besides Midge. And they deserve our respect, 'cause they can teach us stuff.
Fez: Yes, I would love to make love to an 80-year-old. They must know everything. And not just about sex, but history and trivia too.
Hyde: Yeah. The young ones are too timid, but the older ones... they know it won't break.
Fez: How could it break? It is invincible.
Kelso: Yeah, and plus, they're, like, grateful you know, so they'll do it with, like, almost anybody.
Fez: Anybody? Well, that's me! Let's find Fez a dirty housewife to love.

Fez: What's his problem? This is the perfect outfit for picking up older ladies.
Kelso: Uh-huh. How's that?
Fez: Well, everyone knows that horny older ladies hang out at tennis clubs.
Kelso: Yeah, well, see, Fez... Point Place doesn't have a tennis club, or even a tennis court. We do have that concrete wall behind the gym, but people mostly use that just for smoking weed and beating up freshmen.
Fez: And foreign exchange students.
Kelso: You were new, okay? No. You know where we gotta go to get the ladies is the grocery store.
Fez: Oh, the Piggly Wiggly? I love the Piggly Wiggly. They have candy.
Kelso: Yeah. And older ladies.
Fez: And candy.
Kelso: Yeah, but the important thing is the older ladies!
Fez: And candy.
Kelso: All right, Fez. What do you want, the older ladies or the candy?
Fez: Fine, you win. The older ladies.
Kelso: Thank you.
Fez: And candy.

Kitty: Good morning. I have terrible news.
Red: Are we out of bacon?
Kitty: No. I was outside, and-
Red: Remember that time we were out of bacon?
Eric: Do I? Nearly tore this family apart.
Kitty: Listen to me! Midge left Bob.
Eric: Are you sure? I mean, maybe she's just lost in the backyard. [Eric and Red laugh]
Kitty: This is serious. I was up early, and I saw Midge getting into her car with a suitcase. And I said, "Where are you going, Midge?" Because I'm concerned, not nosy. And she said to me, "I am leaving Bob, and I am never coming back." And I said, "Okay." And then I- I- I laughed like I do when I'm uncomfortable. [forced laugh]

Kitty: Well, fine. Then I will go myself.
Red: Hey! Where are you going with my food?
Kitty: To Bob and Donna. When your wife or mother leaves you, you need a good breakfast.
Red: I need a good breakfast.
Kitty: Well, I didn't leave you. Eat a Pop-Tart.

Bob: Oh, what a nightmare.
Kitty: She was unhappy, Bob.
Bob: No, she took the Eldorado.

Hyde: Yeah, not only did Donna lose her mom, we all lost Midge's sweet, uptown rack.
Fez: Oh, good God, man, what a marvelous set of kittens. Remember that sweater?
Kelso: Oh. Remember the other sweater?
Eric: Yeah. Remember that time she ran up to us in a sweater?
Hyde: Remember the week she took up jump rope? In a sweater?
[montage of Midge's chest]
Kitty: Eric! What are you boys thinking about so hard?
Eric: Nothing.
Hyde: Homework.
Kelso: Jesus.
Fez: Kittens.

Kitty: Okay, um, Eric, I need you to take a casserole to the Pinciottis. So run upstairs and put on a nice, clean shirt and a sport coat.
Eric: What? No, I'm not going over there. Donna and I broke up, and things are weird with us. Well, that's too bad. Because I went over there, and Bob's a crier and a hugger. And when you get caught in a crying-Bob hug, there is no escape. And I cannot go back over there!
Fez: I don't know. I like to be hugged by Bob. He makes me feel safe.

Kitty: Okay, okay, there he is. Go talk to him.
Red: No, Kitty. It's a personal matter, and I- [Kitty closes the sliding door] Oh! That's mature.
Bob: Oh, hey there, Red!
Red: Hi, Bob.
Bob: What a day, huh? What a day to be alive. I feel great.
Red: You do? Well, then I can go back inside. Bye. [the door is locked]
Bob: Yup, Midgie's been on me for weeks to weed the garden. [Red knocks on the door] I'm finally getting around to it, so when she comes back, she's gonna see that I did it.
Red: You think she's coming back?
Bob: Well, why shouldn't she? I did all the right things. We had an open marriage, experimented with drugs. I even threw nudist parties.
Red: Yeah, what more could a husband do? [knocks on door]

Kelso: Hyde?
Hyde: I don't know, guys. I was gonna go watch Donahue. What do you think the chances are of Fez gettin' burned?
Kelso: Pretty good.
Fez: Damn good.
Hyde: Then I am in.