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‘Eric's Panties’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

That '70s Show: Eric's Panties

306. Eric's Panties

Aired November 21, 2000

As Eric works on a school project with a female classmate, Donna finds a pair of panties in Eric's car. Meanwhile, Kitty puts Red on a healthy diet.

Quote from Red

Hyde: Red, you eating again? I thought you'd be full after that burger.
Kitty: Burger?
Hyde: Yeah. The broccoli burger.
Kitty: Oh, you are lying!
Red: Well, come on, Kitty. This isn't food. This is what food eats.


Quote from Jackie

Donna: He usually gives me a kiss good-bye.
Jackie: Yeah. To be honest, it kinda grosses me out.
Donna: Wait, Jackie, should I be worried that he's spending so much time with Shelly?
Jackie: Okay, well, normally I'd say yeah, but Eric would never cheat on you. I mean, all guys cheat. But I never really thought of Eric as a guy. Yeah, he's more like a- like a really masculine girl.
Donna: Uh-huh.
Jackie: Yeah, kind of like you.

Quote from Midge

Midge: Jackie, why is Donna gonna beat up Eric?
Jackie: Donna found another woman's panties in the Vista Cruiser.
Midge: [gasps] Oh, no!
Jackie: I know, right. Eric's cheating on her.
Midge: Jackie, those panties were mine.
Jackie: You and Eric?
Midge: No! Me and- Geez, you're dumb.

Quote from Kitty

Kitty: Well, there's the little patient. So, how'd it go at the doctor's?
Red: Well, let me put it this way. If a horse is in good shape, they say it's healthy as me.
Kitty: Uh-huh. And did they say something about your pants being on fire, liar, liar?
Red: No.
Kitty: I just got off the phone with Dr. Leggett. He said your blood pressure is through the roof.
Red: Well, Kitty, who are you gonna believe? Some quack doctor or the man who stood by you while you delivered our children?
Kitty: Oh, you did not. You went out for a sub. Red, from now on, I am going to make sure you eat right. No meat, no cheese and no beer.
Red: No beer?! You- Oh! [groans] Oh, that's it, Kitty. Oh! You've killed me. [groans] I see the light. What's that, Lord? It's okay to eat meat and beer and cheese? Okay, I'll- I'll tell her.
Kitty: What that's, Lord? Dry toast and oatmeal. Will do.

Quote from Kelso

Kelso: All right, Donna, here. I'll figure this out. I like to think of myself as the Columbo of panties. Yeah. I'd say we're looking at a woman. Ages 16 to 38 with a five-figure income. She lives within a four-mile radius of here and is very popular with the gentlemen.
Hyde: Sure, she is. She'll have sex in a car that stinks like cheese.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Kelso, what's with the gym shorts?
Kelso: Oh, something happened. I had to take my pants off.
Hyde: Do you shave your legs?
Kelso: No. It's- They're just naturally smooth. Shut up!
Fez: Not to worry, Kelso. The Puberty Bunny will visit you soon.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: Looks like Shelly has a thing for Forman.
Fez: Yes, and Forman has a thing for Shelly. And it's in his pants. [laughs] Oh, good one, Fez.

Quote from Kelso

Eric: Man, Donna saw Shelly practically living in my lap. [sprays cream into mouth] How could she not be jealous? I'm hot.
Fez: [face covered with cream] It's because you are decent, good-hearted and pure. You know, a sissy.
Hyde: Forman, I think what we need here is some input from Tater Nuts. Tater Nuts, what do you think, Tater Nuts? [sprays cream into mouth]
Kelso: [holds cream in hand] Eric, this- Hey, stop calling me Tater Nuts! If Donna's not jealous, I mean, it means, basically, you're in the free and clear. She's giving you the okay to cheat. You gotta cheat!
Eric: Hmm. Tater Nuts makes sense.
Kelso: [o.s.] Quit it. [throws cream at Eric]
Eric: I mean, I could be with Shelly right now, if I wanted to. So, why shouldn't I? [sprays cream]
Fez: Because then you will have two women when some people have none!
Hyde: Forget it, Forman. You're not a cheater. You know, a wise man once said, "Know thyself." That man's name was Tater Nuts.
Kelso: I got to be honest with you, guys. Okay, I- I do shave my legs. I just- I just like the way it feels.

Quote from Midge

Bob: Uh-oh. Farmhand got ahold of the rich lady.
Donna: [clears throat]
Midge: Oh, hi, kids. Your dad's not really a farmhand.
Bob: Yeah. It's just a little intimacy game we're playing.
Midge: And it's fun!

Quote from Kitty

Red: Mmm! Lookee, lookee, lookee. Ribs, corn bread and baked beans. Come to Papa. [Kitty slaps Red's hand] Ow!
Hyde: Ooh, Papa been slapped.
Kitty: No, now- now that food is for the kids. But, here, um, l- I boiled you some skinless chicken.
Laurie: Ew, it's gray!
Kitty: Laurie.
Laurie: I mean, it's gray. Yay.

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