Kelso: Man, I can't believe I missed you falling out of the water tower. So, I'm at home, and I'm watching Scooby-Doo, and I think to myself, "You know what? "You should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna." And then I think, "No," because maybe Scooby and Shaggy found a real ghost this time. But it wasn't. It was just another crazy old guy.

Donna: Mom, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're here.
Midge: Well, there are times when a mother has to be there for her baby. Like now and I guess when she's born.

Bob: Eric is a mental midget. And you know what else? He runs like a girl.
Red: Bob, you run like a girl.
Bob: Only when I'm scared of something.
Pamela: Oh, honey, I'm sure Eric has a good explanation. On the several occasions I didn't show up for one of my weddings, I always called to say I had appendicitis.
Bob: Well, Eric's not here, my little girl's unhappy, and I want to punch somebody.
Kitty: Bob, you don't want to fight. I've known you for a long time, and I know what you really want is a piece of cake.
Bob: A piece of cake, Kitty? My daughter is devastated, and you offer me cake? You just tell me one thing, is it chocolate?
Kitty: Devil's food. I can have it on the table in less than a minute.
Bob: Eh, let's do that, then.

Bob: Midge, what are you doing here?
Midge: I came to see Donna. Who's the amazon?
Bob: Oh. This is my, uh, friend.
Pamela: Friend? I don't think so. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing that ever happened to him.
Midge: I'm Midge, the second-best thing that ever happened to him.

Hyde: Look, I just want to say that we're all really sorry.
Donna: How could Eric ditch me the night before our wedding without saying one word?
Kelso: Look, would it make you feel better if I told you Eric left a note?
Donna: He left a note?
Kelso: No. But you should hold on to that feeling.

Donna: Dad, I invited her to stay with us.
Jackie: Your mom is staying with us?
Donna: No, your mom is staying with us.
Jackie: What about my mom?
Donna: Well, that's not my mom, that's your mom.
Bob: I'm confused. Who am I sleeping with?

Midge: Bob, could you pass the syrup?
Pamela: You're gonna give her the syrup? The syrup we share every morning? The syrup that stands for everything that we are as a man and a woman?
Bob: I was gonna, but I won't. [whispers to Midge] I will later. [whispers to Pamela] No, I won't.
Donna: [enters] How's it going?
Midge: Your father's an ass.
Pamela: Ah, something we agree on.
Bob: It's not going that well.

Kitty: Red. Red. Cousin Alice wants to know why Eric and Donna's wedding is off.
Red: Well, just tell her what your son did.
Kitty: Oh, now he's my son, just like when he told us he wanted to be a jazz dancer. Well, he's our son, Red.
Red: No son of mine would humiliate his family by running off on his fiancee.
Kitty: [on the phone] Alice, the wedding is off because Eric is gay. You're right. Everybody knew except him.

Jackie: Okay, guys, Donna's on her way over, and she knows we all know why Eric left, and she wants some answers.
Hyde: Well, I'm not gonna tell her. Give Donna bad news and she hits. She wasn't on the boys' JV wrestling team for nothing.
Jackie: Okay, well, I can't do it. The last person a girl wants to hear bad news from is a woman who has it all.
Kelso: Well, you can count me out. I won't face a girl when I ditch her. I'm not gonna do it when somebody else does.
Fez: Well, I'm not telling her, either. I don't want my personal parts damaged. I mean, they're practically brand-new.
Hyde: Well, in a deadlock such as this, we're forced to turn to our judicial code, which clearly states that in the event of bad news being delivered in reference to a canceled wedding, the foreigner does it.
Kelso: Ah, yes. The Immigration Conversation Act.
Donna: Where the hell is Eric and why did he do this to me?
[Jackie, Kelso and Hyde back away]
Fez: Um... Okay... Eric was afraid getting married and staying here was a mistake. [puts on helmet] You know, because you would be giving up your dream of traveling the world and becoming a ball-breaking feminist.

Donna: Eric, what a dink, right? You know, I had to call everybody and tell them the wedding's off. The only good thing is, there's a rumor going around that he's gay. Which is nice.