Eric: All right, fine. Can we look at our ring inscriptions, or is that bad luck, too?
Donna: Well, no, that I have to look at so I can return it in case you wrote something stupid.
Eric: "To Eric, love Donna." Well, it's not stupid. It's short. It's terse. Quite possibly even a little rude.
Donna: "All my friends know the low rider." [chuckle] Um, I don't get it. Am I the low rider? Wait. What do you mean all your friends know me? Are you saying I'm a whore?
Eric: No, no, Donna. Low Rider is the song that was playing in the car at the end of our first date. Remember, you wore that red dress, and at the end of the night I kissed you, and I remember thinking, I just... You know, "I just can't believe she's with me."
Donna: Eric, that is the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Take your pants off.
Eric: And that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

Kitty: Fine, Red. Since you blew the money, I expect you to come up with a nice sentimental gift for Eric that doesn't cost anything. Well, that's what you get for going out and drinking. Maybe one day you'll learn to stay at home and drink, like me.

Red: Kitty, I think I've got it this time. For my wedding present for Eric, one of my medals from the war.
Kitty: No.
Red: How about my uniform from the war?
Kitty: No.
Red: My gun from the war?
Kitty: No.
Red: My boots from the war?
Kitty: No.
Red: My canteen from the war?
Kitty: No. It can't be anything you had on or near you when you killed somebody.
Red: How about the ring my dad wore?
Kitty: Oh, that's nice.
Red: When he killed people in World War I.
Kitty: Well, now you're just trying to make me mad.
Red: Yeah, I am.

Kitty: Okay, I'm gonna need some club soda, a little lemon juice and some vodka.
Eric: To get the stain out?
Kitty: No, to think straight.

Eric: Hey, Donna, now that we have our wedding rings and you can't back out, I have something that I want to confess. I want to do the bunny hop at our wedding. I'm good at it and I don't get to show it off that often.
Donna: Okay, but I want to walk into the reception under an archway of cupcakes.
Eric: Ooh! Deal.

Donna: Don't look! Turn away!
Eric: Whoa. What? Did you get me a present? Is it bongo drums?
Donna: No. I didn't want you to see my wedding dress. It's bad luck.
Eric: Isn't having sex before the wedding the bad luck thing?
Donna: Well, that, too. Eric, getting married is like one big minefield. One false step, and limbs just flying everywhere.
Eric: Well, don't worry. I didn't see your wedding dress, so... So, I think we just saved ourselves some bad luck. Now let's take that credit that we've earned and use it to have sex. Come on. We can't lose. It's gonna be like playing with the house's money.
Donna: Eric, if we broke our celibacy vow now, what would it say about us?
Eric: It would say, "Yay! We had sex."

Kitty: Well, just what the heck is this?
Bob: What a great auction. Red had a few beers and bought a canoe.
Red: I bought a canoe.
Bob: Who would've thought? Me and Red go out and he's the one to buy something stupid. [holds up a taxidermy bobcat] I don't know where I'm gonna put this.
Kitty: Red, why would you buy a canoe?
Red: I think the question is, why haven't I before?
Kitty: But we can't afford this.
Red: Sure we can. I used the money that you gave me yesterday.
Kitty: That was for Eric's wedding present.
Red: Congratulations, Eric. I knew you always wanted a canoe.

[circle:]
Eric: Well, boys, thanks to our time here in the circle, I've come up with a perfectly rational way to keep Donna from finding out that I tore her dress. I'm gonna destroy the Earth.
Kelso: Okay, well, first you gotta go to another planet, and then you gotta build a giant death ray and aim it at the Earth. That's pretty complicated. I can lend you my sketches if you want.
Hyde: That's a great plan. It's like so many of our ideas sound good in the circle, but later on they just sound stupid. But a death ray, it's awesome!
[When the camera pans to Fez, he is sniffing Donna's ripped wedding dress]
Eric: [o.s.] Fez, stop smelling the dress.
Fez: Hey, either I do this now, or I do it at the reception. It's your choice.

Jackie: Okay. I don't get it. Who's the low rider?
Donna: It's me.
Jackie: Then I think he's calling you a whore.
Donna: Oh, my God. My dress!
Jackie: Yeah, doesn't look so good in daylight, does it?
Donna: No, it's gone. Did you move it?
Jackie: I didn't touch it. Oh, Eric was here earlier. Maybe he did something with it.
Donna: Why are you always blaming Eric for everything?
Jackie: Oh, well, somebody has to or he'll just go through life thinking there's nothing wrong with him.

Red: I know what I could give Eric that's sentimental: my old baseball glove.
Kitty: Red, anything related to sports will only remind Eric of the things he doesn't do well.
Red: Oh, fine. I'll just go down to the space toy and smart mouth store.