Best ‘That '70s Show’ Quotes Page 1 of 25    

Quote from Red in Till the Next Goodbye

Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!

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Quote from Eric in It's Only Rock and Roll

Eric: Look, Mom, maybe you should stop worrying about everyone else so much and start thinking about yourself. Maybe you should find something to enrich your life. Oh, may I suggest the teachings of the Jedi?
Red: And may I suggest the footing of your ass?
Eric: This is not the ass you're looking for. See, now you don't know what to do.

Quote from Fez in Going Mobile

Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.

Quote from Fez in A Legal Matter

Red: Okay, I think that we've been reviewing long enough. Let's see what you've learnt. I'll start you off with an easy one. Where do you live?
Fez: Amedica.
Red: It's pronounced America.
Fez: That's what I said, Amedica.
Red: America.
Fez: Amedica.

Quote from Kelso in Immigrant Song

Hyde: Way to go. If you hadn't fallen off the water tower, we could've helped him out.
[After Hyde punches Kelso in the arm, Kelso groans as he uses his sprained hand to hit Hyde back.]
Hyde: They should've x-rayed your head at the hospital.
Kelso: They did. And for your information, they found nothing.

Quote from Red in No Quarter

Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.

Quote from Kelso in Misty Mountain Hop

Kitty: Steven, what's in the bag?
Kelso: The Packers winning next year's Super Bowl. That's what's in the bag.
Red: Is that what I think it is?
Kelso: If you mean paprika, yes, sir.
Kitty: Honey- Honey, paprika is red.
Kelso: If you mean green paprika, yes, sir!
Red: Green paprika?!
Kelso: Hyde, what am I looking for here?
Hyde: Oregano.
Kelso: If you mean oregano, yes, sir!

Quote from Kitty in Love, Wisconsin Style

Red: Let me get this straight. Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?
Eric: I said no.
Red: You said no?
Kitty: Dumbass!

Quote from Red in That '70s Finale

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Quote from Bob in Leaving Home Ain't Easy

Red: Bob, I'm sorry that I said that your idea is stupid.
Kitty: And?
Red: And... The next time you have a stupid idea, I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Bob: You know what, Red? I really don't give a damn what you think. All these years I've had to put up with you cutting me down, calling me dumbass. Well, guess what? You're the dumbass! You're nothing but a cranky [bleep] who thinks his [bleep] don't stink, so you can blow it out your [bleep] ass! What? What, you want to hit me? Go ahead, you bald [bleep]. Yeah, go ahead, do it! I'm not afraid of you. In fact, I'll kick your bony [bleep] ass right now!
Red: Bob, you've got some nerve! Good for you! It's about time you stuck up for yourself and acted like a man.
Bob: I'm sorry, Red, it just slipped out. [hugs Red]

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