Best ‘That '70s Show’ Quotes Page 1 of 25
Quote from Red in That '70s Finale
Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.
Quote from Kitty in Killer Queen
Kitty: Okay, what were you two talking about?
Red: Well, Kitty, I had a stash of gifts down there for every occasion. That way, if I forgot to buy you something, I'd still be covered.
Kitty: You buy my gifts in bulk?
Red: No, it's more of a vast inventory of love.
Kitty: Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass! Yeah! I can do that too!
Quote from Red in Till the Next Goodbye
Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!
Quote from Red in On with the Show
Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.
Quote from Kitty in Love, Wisconsin Style
Red: Let me get this straight. Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?
Eric: I said no.
Red: You said no?
Quote from Fez in Going Mobile
Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.
Red: Steven! What the hell's the matter with you? Stealing my cable!
Hyde: Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at that car wash girl? She is so sudsy.
Red: You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!
Quote from Fez in A Legal Matter
Red: Okay, I think that we've been reviewing long enough. Let's see what you've learnt. I'll start you off with an easy one. Where do you live?
Red: It's pronounced America.
Fez: That's what I said, Amedica.
Quote from Kelso in Immigrant Song
Hyde: Way to go. If you hadn't fallen off the water tower, we could've helped him out.
[After Hyde punches Kelso in the arm, Kelso groans as he uses his sprained hand to hit Hyde back.]
Hyde: They should've x-rayed your head at the hospital.
Kelso: They did. And for your information, they found nothing.
Quote from Kelso in Misty Mountain Hop
Kitty: Steven, what's in the bag?
Kelso: The Packers winning next year's Super Bowl. That's what's in the bag.
Red: Is that what I think it is?
Kelso: If you mean paprika, yes, sir.
Kitty: Honey- Honey, paprika is red.
Kelso: If you mean green paprika, yes, sir!
Red: Green paprika?!
Kelso: Hyde, what am I looking for here?
Kelso: If you mean oregano, yes, sir!