Eric: Okay, you guys, I made a list of all the things I wanna do on my year off. Check out number five.
Fez: "Jump into my car through the window like the Duke boys."
Eric: No, no, no, no. No, I already did that. That should be crossed off. Number six.
Donna: "Vandalize a local business"?
Eric: Yes, and today I happened to see an out-of-business muffler shop. Imagine the muffler shop signs with the "L-E-R" scratched off the word "muffler."
Donna: Eric, no, that's gross.
Fez: What's gross? I don't get it. I want to know what's gross.
Eric: Replace your old "muffler" without the "ler."
Fez: "Replace your old muff..." Oh, I get it. I get it.

Bob: Okay, you gotta admit it, this one's pretty funny. [chuckles] I'm sorry, I love word play.
Kitty: I don't get it. What's so funny about a muff?
Red: Kitty.
Kitty: I mean, muffs aren't funny. I have a beautiful gray one that I have been using for years.
Red: For the love of God, please.
Kitty: Just tell me what's so funny about my...
Red: Nothing. Nothing is funny.
Kitty: Exactly.

Kitty: I will have you know that my friend Linda just filled me in on some slang words that some people in my family find funny. And now I can never feel comfortable with my muff again.
Eric: Mom... [Hyde and Eric laugh]
Kitty: Don't laugh, mister. When you were a baby, I used to put you in it when you got out of the tub.
Eric: Okay, this isn't funny anymore. Stop.

Red: Well, if it isn't my son, the vandal. You know, I ought to vandalize your ass with my foot.

Kitty: Okay, so tell me about the job hunt. Did my little worker bee find a happy hive?
Red: No, all the jobs had the same problem: a dumbass boss. You know, one guy actually thought that duct tape was called "duck" tape. A security guard had to pull us apart.
Kitty: Oh, honey, you'll find something. You worked at that auto parts plant for so long. Did you try looking at auto parts stores?
Red: Well, I'll be, Kitty. And here I spent all morning applying to be an astronaut.

Bob: Who's got a bad muffler?
Red: See? Even Bob knows when a car sounds off.
Bob: I never know what you mean by "even Bob," but I like to assume it's a compliment.

Jackie: Oh, what's her name?
Kelso: Betsy.
Jackie: [gasps] Fat girl's name.
Fez: I don't know, I kind of like it. But, of course, I also like the larger ladies.
Kelso: Well, I had no say. If it was up to me, it would've been something classy, like Bambi.
Hyde: Man, do you even know what "classy" means? 'Cause you're always saying things are classy when they aren't, like your classy carpeted van.
Kelso: The Shagging Wagon? That had a buttload of class.

Eric: Okay, ice cream's finished, bubblegum, I will save you for later. Guys, let's do this.
Hyde: "Winterize your muffler." You know, I almost hope we get arrested. I really want this on my record.

Kelso: All right. You guys, this is serious. I may never be able to have sex again, now that I realize that women are more than just sex objects.
Hyde: Hey, is this like the time you realized you wanted to be a cop, or like the time you realized that you were a robot?
Kelso: My eyes were red in all of my pictures.

Kelso: I never thought this could happen, but I've officially become more attractive. Tonight, I have a date with a chick who called my single fatherhood the cutest thing she'd ever heard of. You know, I don't know why more guys don't impregnate women and then not marry them.
Donna: Maybe because it's irresponsible and shortsighted.
Kelso: Okay, I might be irresponsible but my vision is perfect.