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That' 70s Musical

‘That' 70s Musical’

Season 4, Episode 24 -  Aired April 30, 2002

As Fez gets ready to perform in the school musical, the Spring Sing, he worries his friends aren't going to show up on the 100th episode of That '70s Show. [Guest star: Roger Daltrey]

Quote from Fez

Mr. Wilkinson: I'm moving you to the back row so that no one can hear that squawk box that you call a voice.
Fez: The back row? But the back row is for the untalented and the ugly. Ay, you are no fun.
Mr. Wilkinson: Music is not about fun. It's about passion and commitment. Have you ever been moved to tears by the warbling timbre of your own voice?
Fez: No, because I am a man. [Mr. Wilkinson sighs and walks off]
Kitty: Well, he just, um- He doesn't seem to like you at all.
Fez: The British have always hated my people. We won the war, buddy. Get over it! [chuckles] Oh, good one, Fez.


Quote from Fez

Fez: I'm so happy to be back home with my friends. [sings] Some people call me the space cowboy...
Eric: No, nobody calls you that. And if anyone's the space cowboy, it's me.
Hyde: What? In your dreams, Forman. I am widely acknowledged as the space cowboy of this group. And I also call "midnight toker."
Mr. Wilkinson: Wow. This cheeseburger is bloody brilliant.

Quote from Fez

Hyde: And we got you an opening-night present. Congratulations, buddy! [Fez laughs]
Mr. Wilkinson: Bloody hell, is that my mailbox?
Fez: [imitating Wilkinson] Bloody 'ell, is that me mailbox? [laughs]
Kelso: That's dead on.
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, I'm sure you'll all remember this fondly as you rot in your Barcaloungers cheeseburgers clenched in your fat American fists.
Fez: You got that right, buddy.

Quote from Leo

Fez: So, what do you think?
Leo: I think whatever you're on, I'll take two of 'em.

Quote from Fez

Kitty: Well, you certainly seem in high spirits.
Fez: Of course. Soon all of my friends are gonna be here and we'll be all like a family. I wish you were my family. Oh, we would be so happy together.
[fantasy: Kitty goes to tuck Fez, Hyde and Eric into their giant bed:]
Kitty: Okay, kids, it's nighty-night time.
Eric: Good night, Mom.
Hyde: Night, Ma.
Fez: That's my mama.
Eric: I love you, Fez.
Hyde: I love you more.
Red: I love you the most.
Fez: Daddy.
Red: All right. Sleep tight. And don't let the bed bugs put their foot in your ass.
Kitty: Okay, boys, lights out. And no more staying up till 8:30 giving each other hugs. [boys groan] See you in the morning.

Quote from Kitty

Mr. Wilkinson: Now, remember singing is all about the use of the diaphragm. [girls giggle] And what's so funny about the proper use of the diaphragm? It's the muscle you breathe with. Below your bosom! [girls giggle] Oh, bloody imbeciles.
Kitty: So, this must be a very exciting night for you.
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, yes. If the mayor likes what he sees, I'll be directing this year's Dairy Days Dance-abration.
Kitty: Oh, that is always wonderful. One time, they had a quartet dressed as cows and they sang "Blue Moon." [laughs] 'Cause they were cows!
Mr. Wilkinson: Yes, I'm sure you thick-headed Americans could hardly contain your grunts.
Kitty: Well, I thought it was delightful.

Quote from Bob

Bob: Hey, everybody.
Fez: Bob. Hey, I saved seats for you and the gang.
Bob: Oh, I don't think they're coming.
Fez: Of course they are.
Bob: Well, you know, I asked if they needed a ride, but they said, "No." When I left, they were just sittin' in the basement, laughing.
Fez: But the show's about to start.
Bob: Ooh! Then I better get to the refreshment table. Did you know that all that stuff was free? It says donations accepted, but you don't gotta put nothing in.

Quote from Fez

Fez: My friends are still in the basement? I wonder what they're doing.
Kitty: Oh, I'm sure they're just-
Fez: Miss Kitty, please! I'm trying to wonder.
[fantasy circle:]
Hyde: Ooh, guys. Fez's concert is about to start. Which means we have three more hours without his sorry ass! Let's eat his candy.
Donna: Yeah. [as Fez] My name is Fez. I love candy. Whore! Good day. I said, good day!
Eric: Yeah, and the best part is, that idiot actually thinks I'm his friend. [scoffs] Like I care. I wish he were dead. Oh, hey, we should kill him.
Kelso: No, I got a better idea. Let's sing without him.

Quote from Fez

Fez: Boy, do I know how to shake it.
Mr. Wilkinson: Imbecile, you're on!
Fez: Well, that's my cue. This is just like A Star Is Born, and I am Barbra Streisand. Love me!

Quote from Kelso

Fez: Okay, my friends. Invitations to see Fez in tonight's Spring Sing charmingly illustrated by the hand of Fez.
Hyde: Great, something to put my gum in. Just kidding. [spits gum out and throws flyer]
Eric: Oh, man, this concert's tonight?
Fez: Yes, it's tonight. I've been talking about it for weeks! Don't you listen to me?
Kelso: Fez, I don't know what you're getting so upset about. You know we don't listen to you.

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